Day 1 again...further back then ever

Evening,

I've just turned 30 (a week today infact), i haven't owned a car for 5 years, had a 5 figure debt, renting, no friends and i was in a dead end job working on my own. It's very easy to get down and its very easy to see why i gambled. The easiest thing was to keep going, every month repeat. Hide myself away in my room glued to my PC or mobile and hand over my wages (and more) to the online bookies each month. That's exactly what i did for over 10 years. I didn't think i had any strength to ever come back from that. I was very depressed and its no wonder. I hit my rock bottom and after a couple of failed attempts i told everyone close to me what i'd been living with and EXACTLY where it had put me (mentally and financially).

Im almost 10 months GF now. Do i still have a large debt, yup started at 11.1k, down to around 7.5k now. I still don't have a car, don't think i will for a while but i have what money can't buy. New job, new friends, new outlook on life. I have so much more confidence, so much more self worth. Im learning to live with and use money better. Just got back from a holiday for my 30th!

To me now everyday i choose not to gamble is a success. It allows me to pay my debts down. It gives me the platform to discover the me within and not be lost and consumed in my gambling world. To be that person i want to be for the people i love and who love me. You might be down now but if you allow yourself to rise you can inspire people to do the same and thats true power, real life success.

You've got time to build a life but only once you choose to start. It'll take time, let it. Just start now.

All the best.

Cheers sjw, keep up the good work.

It's a slow process I get that completely. Day at a time, one payment after another, eventually till there's nothing left.

Today was a good day I felt something resembling peace.

Did not sleep well last night too much on my mind. Work issues probably.

Tiredness impacting decision making but still know gambling not the answer. Another day negotiated but getting harder rather than easier...

Hi

Coming off the gambling is a rollercoaster ride, in fact, life can be like a rollercoaster ride of up days and down days. Just remember if you have had a bad day at work the gambling is more likely to double your worries - and not take them away. It is a project in hand to learn to cope with these life pessures. You are doing really well.

Take care

" Another day negotiated but getting harder rather than easier..."

It may feel like you are progressing very very slowly at the minute, but every day you're getting further away from gambling and that can only be a good thing for you. All it has ever really given you is sorrow.

I never ever thought there'd come a day when I never thought about gambling, but eventually that is what's happenned. I agree with you when you say it gets harder rather than easier it did for me too, for years.

It's hard to fill the time at first but eventually living without gambling will become the "norm" if you stick with it and persevere.

I'm sure you will stick with it, the alternative is even worse 🙂

20 days passed

All these sporting events remind me the fun of gambling. But then you take a step back and remember the cycle.

Small bets, lead to larger ones. Any wins put back in to chasing bigger ones. Before you know it you're desperate just to break even. Even if you get close to that, you can't accept any kind of loss and pretty soon it's all gone...

It hit me earlier this morning, the reason there are so many betting sites is not because the market is growing and growing, it's because they all want a piece of the pie from the players who've excluded from other sites and the riches they can bring... for them!
All this talk about responsible gambling, at affordable levels is nonsense. The whole business model is based on problem gamblers and keeping them on the hook as long as possible. You'll notice as well that many sites are similar, primarily because theyre owned by another company, changing the name but in reality the same.

It's even worse in a shop as it's always the same faces hanging around. Either playing or watching the action unfold and saying nothing I should add. The same faces pouring into a machine, running to the till to reload yet again. One of the worse aspects of this was how no-one (staff or other customers)would discourage any of this, some seemed a little smug that it wasn't them. Disgusting all round really, places and types of ppl to avoid!

Feeling lost again. As soon as I forget about gambling and the losses something comes up and I'm right back on the floor mentally.

Less than 25 days in my current awful job...

Girlfriend reminding me to use extra money coming this month to go towards debt payment.

Whilst this is sensible, can't help but feel like all I'm living for is to cover my debt payments. Hate my life and wish itd just skip to the end really.

Hi

Its that parent of a gambler here again!

Treat today as one of life's challenges. Battle of the Down-Day! You cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel but there are some looking in on your posts who can see it. You are doing all the right things, i.e. staying gfree, making a good try to clear your debts. Yes, your gfriend is reminding you to do that but you need someone like that in your corner who cares and is making sure you are keeping on top of things and she will be your deterrent to gamble. She needs to be firm with you and you need to respect that to help you move on. It is tedious using all most of your money to pay the debts but your very first posts shows that you have already nearly been capable of reaching that target. So you can do it again. Unfortunately these are the consequences of gambling but you are doing really well and if you carry on doing what you are doing you and girlfriend will soon be ok again. The losses have happened, that is in the past. Try and keep looking forward and making plans for when you are debt free. Give yourself something to look forward to. I know workplaces can be a pain but try and ride it out. It is a job and that is paying your debts for the moment.

As Oasis sing "Don't look back in anger" - And as I say "keep looking into the future"! - How is that for a thought for the day?!!

Take care and have a good week.

Hi CSKL,

You are bang on reference your comment about why there are so many new gaming sites opening up, what seems like daily. The harsh inescapable reason is that they are doing this just to get the likes of you and me as we go through the cycle of gamble, stop, self exclude. You’ve only got to look who owns them and it’s the same (relatively) few operators. Why else would they keep opening different sites with different names? Parasites the lot of them.

It’s important, actually it is imperative, to focus not on the ‘what ifs’ and ‘oh, if only I hadn’ts’. Concentrate on the fact that you have decided NOW to stop gambling and that, yes albeit slowly, things are and will continue to get better. Do what I do when feeling a little glum, imagine how much worse things would be if you were feeling like that yet still gambling. That helps put things into perspective every time for me.

Trust me, in 15 years time you will understand how young 30 really is. No doubt, in the same way I will understand how young I currently am as well, when I look back in my 60s!

Just catching up on recent posts. Honestly the last couple of years of my life have been dreadful. I'm so depressed and angry right now and am struggling to keep a happy front to all around me.

My life is s### and seemingly only going in one direction. All I seem to be doing at the minute is accepting less and less.

Easy to say don't look back in anger but I'm bitter. Ive had no luck at all in life. Professionally my career is dead. I'm accepting a side ways role at another company.

I hate my life. Living sucks.

Keep talking on here, keep talking to your gfriend. People are listening and caring about your problems. I and others have offered a few tips and a little support and maybe now and again you could look back on those posts when you feel up to it. The financial struggle and the gloomy days are part and parcel of kicking your habit. Life is definitely worth living and that is from someone who was given only 5 years to live 10 years ago - still here riding that rollercoaster of life's ups and downs! You are too young and clever to write off your life as a complete disaster. Take care.

Approaching 3 weeks gf

Trying to stay positive... This rollercoaster of emotions of draining. Some days you feel up others right back down again.

One day at a time. One payment at a time. Freedom is not as far away as I thought. Need to stay disciplined and as soon as I get close to clearing be highly vigilant about access to gambling! Opportunity is everywhere but gambling will close every door on me if I let it. Thanks for sharing gamparent

All i can do is my best and belief that it will be enough to close the door on this for good.

So many things have happened since I last posted. Got a new job, keeping up with payments, paying rent and then it struck... Slipped into a shop despite having an all shops ban in place. As I work more centrally I have access to other establishments such as crappy arcades and tacky casinos.

Have joined gamstop and am pleased to say it does work. The same cannot be said of MOSEs for shops as it has no tech to back it up. The relapses are bumps rather than fatal financially. But emotionally it's exhausting. As is working to only pay debt.

My girlfriend claims to be in the dark but it's pretty obvious after I've had a loss as you naturally withdraw. Up to a point I'm getting away with claiming I'm tired. Not sure how to tell her I'm still an idiot. I have been sending the majority of my wages out but have been able to access overdraft facility and I don't need to explain the rest to all on this board. I'm embarrassed at myself and my life.

Looked for ways to get blocks to casinos and arcades but seems it's another phone call job.

Currently also battling with a bookmaker to get a bet settled. The shop manager on the day after I lost 100s on fobts recognised me from their system when going to collect. Claims their area manager told them all I all I was entitled to was a refund of my stake. Their customer service team agreed with me but I am still chasing up for my cheque for well over a month. Her comments on what's normal tells you a lot on human decency; claimed the person in the terminal next to me betting 1000s was normal. I politely explained that no one can gamble at this level indefinitely and he is almost certainly borrowing to fund his habit... no reply after this. I suppose they lose interest after you have nothing to hand over.

These machines get into your head. You only remember the joy of winning and somehow erase years of losing.

Feeling beaten and broken. Think I died a little this year...

Been so long since I've posted on here. Happy to report things have improved no end. Debt is a distant memory and I have built up so much momentum its starting to feel like a bad dream all those days, weeks, years gambling everything away, racking up debt and starting again.. 

I have more calmness within me and more resilience towards gambling. I have a great boss who makes me want to deliver results no matter how difficult things are. I accept hard days are just that and even the worst days will end. Sometimes all you can do is endure.

My gf stuck with me and we are now engaged. It could easily have been very different so its important to remember how I got back to this place. We are looking to move into our own place soon and it feels like a reward for months / years of perseverance. I no longer feel like a burden on her or anyone else around me. If you take nothing from this post but this, the release this can bring is truly priceless. 

To anyone thinking of taking that old road back to misery and guaranteed losing eventually, just remember and hold onto how bad the worst day felt. Build small goals, take access to cash out of the equation. There's so much good advice on this forum you've got almost every scenario covered.

Gamstop will stop you online if you truly are committed to stopping. Limited access to cash will stop those lost afternoons in your high street bookie - not so happy to see you if you have no cash for them.

Keep going everyone. Take care and start living!

Hi @cantstopkeeplosing,

Thanks for updating with how well you're doing. It really does make the difference for people to see that change is absolutely possible and to read about what's worked for other people. Congratulations on your engagement, and your massive achievement in remaining gamble free. So lovely to hear!

Warmest wishes,

Elizabeth
Forum Admin