Hello everyone,
I am 22 years old, and have been gambling for around 5 years.
After the first few months of gambling, I realised that I had a problem, but the severity has only become apparent in the last couple of years.
I have lost a very large sum of money due to spots betting, and have been bailed out by my parents on numerous occasions. I currrently have a 10k loan, and around 5k worth of debt to my parents.
At the beginning of this month I thought that I had everything in debts were consolidated, and I had a well arranged repayment schedule. I am currently attending treatment, and believed that I was moving in the right direction. Things seemed positive, and although I was having frequent relapses, my mindset seemed much clearer and more stable than normal.
A few days ago I was paid early for the first time (I still don’t know why). Over the passed few days I have gambled away everything from my most recent paycheck, including rent money, debt repayments, and personal money. I am due to go on holiday in the very near future, to see some friends that I value a lot, and don’t know how I am going to do it anymore. I had plans to buy my family some nice gifts for Christmas, but now that is ruined. I have no money for the month, don’t know what to do about rent, and feel completely hopeless.
I self excluded myself from online gambling around 3 months ago, but have been using hig street bookmakers as a replacement. I have a good job and family, but have constant worries about money and the debts that I have created. I know that gambling is not the solution, but I still do it. I also know that gambling will just cause me to lose more money, but I still do it. Finally, I also know that gambling is not just about money, but about the dramage that I am causing to others around me.
Even though I have no idea what to do right now, yet again, I say that this is day one.
I’m sure many people here have experienced this before, so sorry for repeating everything that you have already heard.
Hi,
It’s day one for me too.
I got into online slots last year. Id never used them before but had a few quick spins and before you know it, hit a bonus feature and the free spins just kept coming. That spin won me £900. I couldn’t believe my luck, I withdrew the money and was so pleased that my finances had been boosted. The next day I went back to them. I deposited £50, lost it, put in another £50, lost that, put in £100, lost that. This carried on until the £900 is won the day before had all gone. Plus an additional £200 that I’d put in.
I was ashamed but shrugged it off.
A few months later I began dabbling, I wasn’t on them every day but when I did use them and my deposit ran out, I would deposit more and more trying to chase the losses. One evening I’d put so much in that I thought the only way to get it back was if I got lucky on a bigger bet so I started upping my bets. I got lucky and won it back vowed never to let it happen again but sure enough It would. It wasn’t long before I had a similar evening except I upped my bets and I didn’t get lucky, I lost big, I only stopped when My bank account was cleaned out. Scared, shocked, depressed, I worried myself and decided it had to stop. I banned myself from that site, came clean to my partner and took out a loan to cover the loss. I put the blip to the back of my mind and got back on track until about 5 months later when I fell off the wagon. The trouble with falling off the wagon is that often times for a few days or a few weeks you can lose and win and keep your head above the water but soon enough a big loss comes that would wipe me out because of my inability to ever say enoughs enough. I am a loss chaser. It is awful.
I’d also just been paid, my whole months salary had gone, I had nothing to pay rent or bills or debt with. I confessed to my partner again and did a self exclusion from as many sites as I could.
From that point on I didn’t gamble I was too ashamed. Until September. I set up a new email address and found some sites that would let me register. I had a flutter on the quiet then went back a week later, no major losses so didn’t worry too much but then something happened, not only was I gambling again, I was hiding it this time too, at first you sneak off to the toilet and take your phone with you for a quick bet, then I was taking trips out in the car and pulling up and playing online. Not only is there the shame in gambling but a shame in the deceit. That’s a whole other battle. The hiding of it meant I was gambling at every quick quiet overt unity I could get. It became a compulsion. At the end of a horrible week, I had a bit of a gambling session a few days ago, upped my bet and won it all back and about £500 more!! I breathed a sigh of relief, that win got deposited into my bank account yesterday as soon as the money hit my account I was £1100 down in about an hour. This is when I realised, no amount of winning is going to make me stop. I could bet and bet until there’s nothing left as that is the only thing that will stop me.
I’ve self excluded again and I’m now doing everything i can to make that my last bet.
There’s a lot of odd feelings about gambling. There’s shame, you feel like a bad person. I’m trying to see it as a fresh start. A wake up call, a chance to actually enjoy life instead of sneaking off to watch reels spinning mindlessly. I’m not a bad person, but I made some bad choices. There’s a difference.
I’ve written a note on my phone this morning that I’m going to read each day ‘am not a gambler. I have just made some bad choices. They do not define me. I learn from my errors. I am human. I forgive myself. I am a good person. I am fortunate, I am loved. I love others. I allow myself to feel. I am happy.’
I don’t have any answers, it’s day one for me too. It’s nice to know we’re not alone.
A new life has started today.
Never give up, just joined Gamstop.
After two and a half years addicted to this disease I am now in £57000 worth of debt, it will take me 15 years to pay this off at £300 per month. I have now registered on gamstop, I have put my wife through hell and cannot believe she is still with me. If anyone had said to me two years ago id be in this position now I would have laughed at them. Please now do the right thing and sign up to gamstop and make sure all these robbing life s******g companies stop sucking the life out of ordinary hardworking human beings.
That’s a good way of looking at it. Accurate. Good luck with your journey too. I’m currently upstairs in a bedroom on my own, this past few weeks I would’ve been signed into a online casino, sneakily gambling. Tonight I am chatting with you all. This feels better! Onwards and upwards.
quote=12032017]
Compulsive gambling is never winning a wise ex gambler said to me
You never ever ever win you just borrow the winnings and then return it with all you had ???
I’m 5 days into recovery good luck
Hello, well done for posting here, its a start if you want it to be.
So, you are young and you have time well on your side. I totally get that amount of money at your age might seem overwhelming, its a lot of money there is no question there. The fact is that gambling has taken that and it WILL take more, much more. How you feel now will happen again and worse. I got to the point of thinking "whats another £1000 ontop of my debt". Thats a very dangerous thought pattern but it was because i felt trapped. I didn't stop until i couldn't get any more money.
The fact is you have to accept this is where you are, this is your starting point. That is your debt, you have to pay that and you have to regain control of yourself. You need to put all the blocks in place and you need to be honest and want them to work or they just won't. Have a read of this great post as what you can do for that.
https://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/want-do-something-read-2
There is support on here, counselling and much more. Tell people that can help you. Be honest and you can rebuild a great life but this pattern has to stop. You must choose for it to.
All the best.
The new debt of £20000 I have is with PayPal, hoping I can add this to my dmpbut been reading stories saying that PayPal take people to court and want money back within 2 years, could someone please advise.
Hello Gunner06,
Some of our forum users have posted positive feedback about using free professional debt advice services like the National Debtline 0808 808 4000, StepChange 0800 138 1111 or PayPlan 0800 280 2816. There are other free debt and money advice services detailed on our links page https://www.gamcare.org.uk/about-us/links-other-support-agencies
You may get more responses to your posts if you create your own thread. You can do this by going to the section where you want your thread to appear and clicking on the blue button that says: 'New topic'.
Take care,
Forum admin.
Day 1 for me today - I can really relate to your story i similar age and I have lost about 25k in total and owe about 8k to my parents and 17k bank loan.
Before my debt was all over the place with payday loans etc and my credit rating shot to bits! now my debt is consolidated and manageable if I just stick to the repayments and stop gambling now i know it will only take me 3 or 4 years to be debt free.
I got a big bonus from work and lost it all on tennis betting last night - feel like such a weak pathetic loser that I dont have the willpower to stop chucking my money away I never thought any sort of addiction would ever get the better of me but I have realised this awful addiction can obviously get in the mind of anyone.
Feel like ive made the first step by joining on here and im hoping by just making my situation public and reading other peoples stories like yourself will give me the motivation I need to stop the rot and get my life back together and become the man I aspire to be.
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