Day 1/100

Hi Luke

Treat your past failures as preparation and training for the main event, which is here and now. Failure is not a failure if you learn from your experience and become stronger for it. We often say at our GA group that one bet is too many because one bet is never enough and even if I knew I could win two grand tomorrow it would be futile because eventually and inevitably it would all be gone and more. You have managed 250 days in the past, so you know what it takes and if you factor in lessons learnt from past slip ups, then this is your time. 100 days? what's wrong with forever?

Good luck Luke.

Ken

Thanks ken for taking the time to support .

Today is day 2 .No gambling today .

Day 3

Day of reflection

I've spent the day reading people's recovery diaries.

Read captains start to finish .Been through ths same situation over and over.Having excellent football information winning regular amounts but then blowing thousands on random events just "to feel entertained"

it's the boredom ,flatness .Everything in life seems over rated apart from the buzz/thrill of winning a bet.

I've decided instead of waste hours thinking of how to not gamble I'm going to look for something else out in the universe for me enjoy.

I need to understand myself.This is how I will change.

What do like?

What do I enjoy?

I know no one knows me on here but I would appreciate ideas?

Cheers

1.)

Going to the movies which I do every week!

2)

taking my wife out for dinner which I do everyweek(but trouble is this is linked to gambling,if I win it's like the ritz if I lose KFC ..haha

Luke

Thanks for reading my diary start to finish!

re doing different things, I guess it depends how much time you spent on gambling - of course thats not just physically gambling but planning it, thinking about it, reflecting on it, watching events with a view to observing information and gaining knowledge.

For me (as you will have read), I couldnt have jsut stopped and got involved in other things. I was so engrossed and all consumed in so many forms of gambling I had to break it down bit by bit and type by type based on the following steps (per type):

I need to stop

I want to stop

I can live without it

Only when I could comfortably live without each type was I able to move on. By doing this, over the past 5 years I gradually found more and more spare time.

Unfortunately, for various reasons I havent filled it with exciting new hobbies but have spent more time walking, reading, watched more TV and a lot of time reflecting and doing self-analysis. Maybe other changes and new ventures will happen in time. I have also developed routines (albeit I need to force them) for times when I run out of things to do, or become bored or stressed and I would normally gamble.

Through this I have got where I wanted to be - gambling only afforable amounts of money on sports for short periods of time each week.

To get there hasnt been easy and I wish I had been able to take a 'quick fix' approach but it wasnt for me.

As to whether you can just stop all gambling, only you know the answere. Also are you able to identify things which gambling has stopped you from doing either for a while or things you have never done?

The main thing is getting the recovery in place and keeping it moving, cant guarantee life will be a whole lot better, that depends on you as a person and your circumstances, but your finances will improve and you wont have the stress of money worries and debts.

Best of luck, hope this is your time.

Day 4

Thanks captain some interesting stuff to think about .I will go over and re read over the weekend .

I feel a bit lost and like a dream last couple of days ,wandering around the shopping mall aimlessly .If a video followed me around would look so odd as went to exact same shops and looked at same things two days in a row .Felt quite relaxing bit strange behaviour for me !It passed the time & I didn't gamble so hey I guess there was a point to it!

Biggest thing I'm noticing is how low I feel .Im a long way from home so the gambling was hiding how down I actually feel .

Once the initial change up of not gambling for a couple of weeks hopefully my true emotions will emerge.

I am ready to fight this and this time I've brought back up!(gamecare forum)

Everybody take care and gamble free weekend !

Luke stay strong mate - try replacing the gambling with another activity I have taken up jogging!!! Gambling often led me to comfort eat but I have stopped that I find physcial exercise gives you such a release and allows us time to think!

Stay strong and here is to a gamble free weekend!

Thanks bobby !ive played football today but pulled my hamstring so feeling pretty sorry for myself.

When I got home I thought "nice bet on the live sport to cheer me up"win 750 or so for 200 stake.

I haven't done it ,kicks off in 40 mins!checked odds on online account and the line is too high anyway as been moved from yesterday.

Coming on here and posting makes me think how stupid I sound.

Gambling has lost me so much money and here I am tempted again!

I will not gamble .

Day 5

Urges are still very strong.Really fancy another result on live sport starting in an hour.

I keep thinking put 250 on and will make its good weekend of 1k if I win.

I can't get my mind to contemplate that I could lose !

Strange How are brain works!if I would have gambled last night I would have lost 200.

Get through today bet free & can be a turning point!

Hi Luke

I read this yesterday and liked it so much that I put it in my recovery diary. It is a comment on the nature of gambling urges.

"It is crucial not to take responsibility for the occurrence of the urge, but only your response to it. It is normal for any addict to experience urges, and just because on Sunday you decide to stop does not mean that on Monday you will not have urges. The fact that urges occur does not indicate that your motivation is weak, but that your addiction is strong. Because all habits have unconscious components, of which the urge is one, it will take time for these to die away. What is within your control, however, is how you respond to the urge. An analogy could be made to someone knocking at your front door. All sorts of individuals might knock at your door, but it is up to you to decide with whom you will talk. Their knocking is not your responsibility, but to what extent you choose to speak with them is."

Gambling will lead you down a self destructive path. Do what you have to do, one day at a time, because you are a better person without gambling. We often read the addiction/recovery poem at GA and it carries some deep and profound messages. I will take the liberty of including it as well. Stay strong Luke, not only does it get easier but at the same time you will gain more strength and enjoy life more than you thought possible.

Ken

I am addiction.

I start in small subtle ways promising many things.

I promise you enjoyment and pleasure beyond your wildest dreams.

I deliver guilt and despair more horrible than your worst nightmare.

I promise you power and courage.

I give you feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness.

I will force you to live in fear always.

I promise you relief and escape from all your daily problems.

I create for you greater problems than you ever have imagined.

I promise comfort, I will give you pain.

I promise happiness, I create much sorrow.

I am addiction!

I will steal from you; your self-dignity, your families, your friends,

your children, your home, your dreams, your spirit, your life.

For love, freedom and happiness are impossible to find in my presence.

So never underestimate me, I am devious and manipulating.

I have no preference as to who I pick as my victim;

rich or poor, young or old, black or white, yellow or red.

I have killed men, women and children.

I have no conscience.

So, if you have met me, Always Beware,

for if you think you can beat me and I will be gone from your life

and all will go well again, Never forget that I will always be there...

waiting in the dark shadows, just around the corner.

I am very patient.

And I will laugh in your face if I can lure you into my evil world

of hell on earth once again.

I Am Addiction

I am your friend. I hold out my hand and bring you faith.

I award you serenity and self-esteem.

I bestow upon you peace and acceptance.

I wrap you in love and tender the shield of knowledge.

I volunteer humility and shower you with confidence.

I bequeath spiritual growth, emotional advancement and physical revival.

I am your friend; I will lead you out of the darkness into the light.

I will carry you when you are weak and escort you through honesty.

I will provide tools for the battles and binding for your wounds.

I am your friend. I will teach you abstinence and release you from burden.

I will initiate forgiveness and I will foster willingness.

I will nurture ambition and claim back your life.

I am your friend.

My name is "Recovery."

Hi sunbeam,thanks for the post . Yes urges are very funny things.Our day can be going well then all of a sudden Bang the urge hits!for me it is when live sport is on tv.I get an uncontrollable urge to bet on it.The excitement ,buzz of chance to win.

Then win or lose I go into a cycle of non stop betting from horses to casino until my money is at zero.

Today I would have LOST 300 if I would have bet.Then god knows whatever else to try and make up for it!

Instead I spent 50 pounds on food shopping for dinner.

Day 5 is over.if I keep up this non gambling for 100 days I will be in a good position.

Hi Luke

I'm glad that you resisted the urge to gamble, as we say "One bet is too many because one bet is never enough". Only 95 days to go, no problem.

Day 7

Cheers sunbeam!

Feel good today,walked right past the TAB ,been in there every lunch break for god knows how long .Now just spending my break having a coffee & reading.

Work going well ,earn an extra unexpected 100 pounds with extra work.

Would normally spend any extra on betting straight away as would think that was what it's there for!

Feeling not betting at the weekend as a big turning point.

It's always live sport that drags me back into the abyss.

I'm going to read a few more diaries today.Really opens my eyes.

Day 8

Going well today small urge to bet on international lot ball.Lasted 2 minutes ,didn't act on it.

Early days but good signs