I tryed to start a diary last week. I relapsed on Friday. After abstaining from gambling for about 6 months last year after attending gordon moodys, life was looking great. It still is, I've made friends, I've got a fantastic partner but I feel like I can't tell her about my recent gambling relapse ( ongoing for a few months now). I feel like I don't want to worry her and with all the support I've had etc... I feel ashamed.Â
Yesterday was so difficult, withdrawal symptoms( almost feels hopeless but there is something in me that is determined not to). I left my wallet at home and walked for miles, I went to the gym as well. I did alot of little jobs and just trying to keep occupied. I have a hiking trip planned with mates next weekend and hiking the weekend after. I just need to keep strong.
I have left doors open and will get around to updating moses( May be the case of spending a day on the phone and banning from all of uk, I guess whatever it takes).Â
Financially I'm doing well although ive spent alot of my savings on gambling in the last 6 months. If i carry on I will be back to square 1. So today, I'm going to gym, tidy up the house and chill out with a few ciders with my partner later on. Hopefully enjoy the sun.Â
I got paid today and have put some money into savings( it feels really boring to me or even having savings, I'm not sure why??)Â paid off my credit card and will be ok this month because I will not gamble.Â
I will try and post on this diary from time to time as and when I feel like gambling as it does really help. ( and thank you to the forum chat on Friday, it's really helped me not gamble this weekend 🙂 )
Hi. What did you do after leaving Gordon Moody? Did you attend any GA meetings or  continue to work a steps program?
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Chris
Hi Chris, I continued to have weekly one on one sessions with a counsellor from the program. It really does help and I'm looking at this as a bump in the road because my life had changed for the better since the program.Â
Struggle sounds similar to mine. Savings sound boring as hell, but God I wish I had my savings.
@junebug1981Â
You will have savings again. We just need to stay away from gambling, after all its only borrowed money when you win.
@wgsbvklae3 thanks I'm on day 6 of now my 250 day plan to recover my families savings, and get myself clean and healthy and human. this time I'm not confessing, or breaking down (for the hundredth time) in front of loved ones. so I'm posting on the forum my diary attempt. day 6 ending, daunting journey ahead though.Â
odaat
I'm proud of myself for.not gambling this weekend. I still have work to do ( I need to update Moses and make sure all exclusions are in place).
I've always had the mindset that things would work out ok,even when I gambled thousands. The reality is I've lost alot. I paid off over £50k worth of gambling debt alone and will probably never own a house again. Divorce, relationships etc... all ruined because of gambling.
Some things have worked out for the best like my fantastic partner and ive made some good friends. I've also got a good job and I'm debt free with a few quid in the bank. I need to forget about the money I've lost and look forward to the future that I am rebuilding. Â
Tomorrow I'm going to a festival, so that will be 3 days in the bag.
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@junebug1981 well done on day 6. Sounds like you have a solid plan. Have you put blocks in place and excluded from anywhere that you can gamble? That is my downfall and will be making sure there's no stone unturned this week. The gambling brain will try every trick in the book, just listen to your rational side.Â
You will be strong and make it.Â
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@wgsbvklae3 I have some blocks, not 100% foolproof and my mind knows ways around. And I think we all know, there is always a route if the mind wants a route in. Of course we have to minimize the routes and exposures to temptations as much as possible.
my current psychological battle is letting go all reminders of what I have lost, very hard to do as there is constant and easy reminders of that.Â
accepting being back to square one, and rebuilding all the hopes and dreams u had of that money you once had, is right now my hardest challenge. I am hoping having next pay day (first target - May 27th) and rebuilding the pot, will reduce some of the anxiety. In 8 months I have to rebuild 100% of the pot, which is 12.5% pot rebuild er month lol
Put all the blocks i place leaving the door slightly ajar isn't good phone the contact number for moses to self exclude from all bookmakers send them an updated picture and it will be uploaded to all your local bookmakers that you have self excluded for a minimum 18 months also online gamban one stop shop to bet on regulated UK sites is quick simple and easyÂ
@junebug1981 It sounds like your serious and have put alot of thought into this . I agree with the blocks, but making it as hard as you can for yourself gives you time to talk yourself out of it.Â
 Letting go of what you have lost is a big battle and acceptance is a part of it. I cant even imagine the money I have lost and know that its gone.Â
 My recent relapse as really hurt , I probably have a similar time frame as you to recoup the money lost, maybe a bit longer.
Just imagine the feeling of regaining control over your finances, saving that money up again and maybe be even better at saving money in the future.Â
Without gambling anything is possible and 6 days is not to be sneezed at.
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@g3y6a5jbds i agree complacency is not good. Will be updating moses 👍
@junebug1981 100 percent mate. Positive thinking, we will do this 👍
Day 6, have not gambled. Friday feels like a trigger, the end of the week. Will go to the gym, enjoy the sun and pack my bags ready for hiking at the weekend. Feeling positive, stuck to my budget so far. Today I've felt a bit down but music and gym has helped. Sat in the garden with a couple of ciders enjoying the sun. Life is good without gamblingÂ
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