Day 2 of hell

Day 7. Feeling like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, if I won today, it would be fuel for gambling tomorrow( pointless).  Going out for a run and gym in a bit. Packing up tonight for my weekend hike. 

I've relapsed again. I know it's all pointless. I have money in savings and this is probably a trigger for me. I've literally maxed out my credit card and half my overdraft just to feel like I'm struggling. It's weird to want to feel like this as I have the money to pay these off. 

I guess it's given me motivation to work overtime to clear the debts and even though I'm paying interest, it's a motivator. 

I hate the feelings associated with gambling, doesn't make sense. 

Took £350 to the bookies Friday, won £1000. Put that in the building society, then withdrew £250, lost that. Then transferred half my overdraft and a cash transfer from my credit card to my building society. 

It's not logical and at the moment I feel at peace. Have been on a nice weekend away and somehow feel at peace knowing that I'm going to pay these debts off the hard way. 

Here's to not gambling for another day. Need to get my lazy a*s in to gear and sort out my ID so I can ban myself from the last of the bookmakers. 

Other than gambling my life is fantastic. I do know if I had no money I would be feeling devastated. I need to stop before it's all gone.

@wgsbvklae3 In the 10+ years I'd gambled I had relapsed multiple times. Found having access to money fueled my addiction and I'd find any excuse to play rather than pay my debts. 

I personally thought I'd never stop. I took talking therapy and that worked for me. GA works for others...Finding what works for you is the key. 

Once I stopped I found being able to repay my debts a lot easier. I became debt free and focused on getting financially stable rather than playing it on games where I'd dig a deeper hole of debt and take longer to pay it back.

Ive just become a year gamble free. I found comfort in waking up and saying "Just for today I will not gamble" taking it day by day. Not giving myself an opportunity to gamble. Even got to the point I'd stop watching the TV adverts late at night to avoid the promotions. 

Personally I never thought I'd ever be free of the addiction. Its taken me many relapses and going back into recovery. 

Take a look into different options. Gamcare support may be able to point you at different ideas.

I took Gamban and talking therapy and it worked for me. 

Best of luck. 

@bm241pin5d Thankyou for your reply. I agree I need to look at other options for support. I attended Gordon Moodys last year and have had counselling and they were fantastic.  Technically I'm not in debt ( I have savings) but I am solely reliant on myself to look after my money so literally emptied my overdraft and credit card and put this into a savings account. This bizarrely has made me feel better ( crazy I know). I previously paid off £47k in debt and I'm not sure if I enjoyed the challenge. All I know is that I need to stop all this madness, concentrate on my hobbies and the life I'm trying to build.  Here's to 5 days gamble free:)

@wgsbvklae3 I found blockers were the final hurdle to stop me from being able to play. I used Gamban on all my devices and its stopped me and helped me big time. Even Gamcare offer the TalkBanStop - Worth a look...

https://www.gamcare.org.uk/talk/

Everyday of not gambling is an achievement! 

I left 2 gaps i didnt do the moses and the phone blocker. This is my downfall today i did both of these. Somone on here told me to do them about a year ago and i thought i was ok but i wasnt. Wish id done it back then but today all done took 20 minutes to do both. Better late than never. Maybe part of me didnt want to back then but i have totally had enough of it ruining my life.  Today is a new start onwards and upwards

@spottydog That's basically what I have done. Made excuses or thought  I would be ok. The reason I haven't been able to update Moses is I need to get my driving licence ( I lost it ) , lost my passport as well. Lame excuses. I've just applied for them. I know doors left open will always tempt me to gamble its never going to be safe for me to have the opportunity. I've just used my savings and paid off debts and have closed all savings accounts apart from my building society book. I need to live a simpler life , forget about investments, interest rates etc... because my investment is not gambling today.