So....
Weekends are the hardest for me because of boredom. Hopefully this weekend will be different as all my finances have been given to someone else.
It's the buzz that makes me want to gamble, the thought of winning money and the excitement, but then I think about what I would put through a machine to get that win.
I've self excluded myself from literally every place in town and online.
I once spoke to my counsellor about this addiction and that I can't stop thinking about gambling. She told me that 'you get an actual craving for gambling like an alcoholic would for a drink' it's a real feeling.
I get annoyed when people say "why don't you just walk away or not gamble at all" I just want to shout at them and tell them it's not that easy.
I've been aggressive, deceitful and so depressed, but for the first time in years i feel hopeful and grateful for the support.
One day at a time!!
Hey D91
I understand that feeling of not being under control only too well.
I got to breaking point before and tried to give up hundreds of time before this time. Im now 287 days and going strong.
I think the reason I have done so well this time is the fact that this time, I got the route cause of the gambling issue. Although I didn't know it at the time, I believe it was that I never had any respect for myself and allways thaught I was a bad person and never felt like I was appreciated by friends and family. Since I've given up and had such great support from my now wife and family, I realised I am worth it. I can get good clothes and I do deserve them. I work hard to provide for my wife and she really does appreciate it so why the hell would I throw it away. I will never ever win enough money to make her proud. Even if I did have a big win, I would mean I would have had to risk a big stake.... a stake that I could have spent on her to show her I appreciate her. This is what matters.
Keep strong D91. Trust me, if I can manage this, I'm sure you can aswell!!!
Dan
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