Day 3 and counting.....

Hi Phil

It was good talking to you on chat on tuesday, have you been watching the tennis? I watched a little of the murray game yesterday but had to go teach my agility classes, when i left home he was losing 2 sets to nil so was a surprise when i got back and found out he had won.

Hope things are going on ok, keep up the good work and maybe chat later if i get chance.

Lisa 🙂 (and number 2 dog)

Day 41....yes Lisa, I have been watching Wimbledon, although was nearly my downfall. Watched Murray yesterday and glad he made it through.

Still proud of not betting, the bet I would have placed looks like a good one, but I don't mind one bit. A lifestyle gamble free is the aim, and achieving that remains my goal.

Home life is improving, still ups and downs but the general direction is up. My wife still doesn't have faith in me, and maybe after Tuesday's near slip up she has good reason, but that provides me with more reason to continue my excellent progress.

Getting more of a feel of what should be important in my life and that can only be good, gambling does lead you to a life where you lose touch of reality, that's good if you are trying to get away from some harsh realities (although we know facing up to them is better), but at the same time you miss out on things which really do matter. Life is too short, and I am 40 in 3 weeks time.....you know what they say, life begins at......

anyway stay strong all and have a great day

Phil

Hey Phil

Great to see that you are still striding ahead in your gamble free days. Well done on resisting that urge - its not worth it in the long run. I myself, have had a couple of urges in the past few days, brought on by ads on my mobile!! Quickly reminded myself how far I have come and "I will only lose anyway"

.Remain gamble free Phil and your life will definitely get better on all levels.

Take care.

Lady Feb

Hey Phil,

Congratulations for stepping over 40 days, they do add up don't they? You doing great and i'm very happy to have an opportunity to walk beside you on this challenging road to better future 🙂

P.s. missed you in a chat yesterday, hopefully catch up soon.

Take care

Sandra

Hey again,

Feel loads better thanx 🙂 just have to remind myself sometimes why i'm here and what my goals are. Works for me 🙂

Take care my friend

Have a lovely day and coming weekend

Catch on a chat some time

Sandra

Day 42, and a few days earlier who'd have thought it, spent a lot of time thinking in last 12 hours.....

It didn't all start around 10 years ago, but I think that is when things took a turn for the worse. I had job which was very well paid, too well paid in fact, I didn't deserve it. Anyway, this job helped me lose the appreciation for the value of money. I wouldn't flinch over losing 5k in a day, I don't know how much I actually lost but knew that deposits and withdrawals in year from my ******* account alone (I had around 10 accounts) totalled double the value of the house we rent today. At the time, I used to brag to friends over this stat, now the same friends have lent me and my family money to survive.

So the money is gone and ain't coming back, I used to own my flat mortgage free and have a considerable amount of cash in the bank, I now rent a tiny 3 bed house (well my son lives in a cupboard) which is falling apart, and have debts which I struggle top comprehend how I will ever payback. My wife, gets depressed with our situation almost daily, and my words are "there are many people out there worse off than us". The thing is, I remember my wife saying I would lose it all around 6 years ago, I said "no of course not, I would never do that".....well I did.

Not only did I do great financial harm, looking back I have wasted years of my family's lives. I remember when my wife called me on the day to confirm the pregnancy for our first child, we arranged to meet in a pub to celebrate, I that evening chose to be late after visiting the bookies on my way. I have fobbed off my growing children so many times, as I stare intently at numbers on a screen, I would have missed a heartbreaking face of disappointment.

I cannot change the past, it is done, I would like my relationship with my wife to be what is once was and a life of relative comfort, things may never be exactly as they once were but I can do nothing more than my best to make our futures a better one. Everyday will be a battle, a couple of weeks ago I though to myself that it would get easier, I don't think it will, but this time more than anytime before I am ready for all the battles and will win the war.

Apologies for my longer post today, just wanted to write down so much, I hope all my lovely new friends out there are staying strong and have a super weekend.

Phil

I am trying to encourage my wife to read my diary so she can believe in me, and parts of what I have written before will not be known by you so....

To my wife, not only have I lost. the appreciation of the value of money, the same can be said for the word sorry, I have used too liberally with very little intent. Well I can say that I am trully sorry.

I am doing this primarily for me, but mainly because I love you with all my heart.

Xx

Well done on your strides forward so far mate.

From reading your last post, it is easy to see how you come off the rails: depreciating money doubled with an addictive personality. It was probably going to always happen, like it does to so many.

Hopefully for you, your wife appreciates what you are trying to do. Understandably, it is a tough thing to support, especially when money is involved as unfortunately it is a major factor in life. We all need support though and there is no one better to help us than the ones closest to us as they are there all the time. I think the trick is just not to rely on them too much!

Good luck my friend

Jace

Hi Phil,

First of all thank you for the kind words of support you wrote on my diary.

Well done so far Phil. them two last posts are so emotional, am nearly in tears here! I think you really need to congratulate yourself on your progress and determination to makes things rights and change your life for the better. I hope your wife gets to understand a little bit about this awful addiction.

I felt a silly fool telling my girlfriend, she will never understand why i wasted so much money. Over time i hope she will understand. It's not like we intentionally set out on this destructive path.

I'm in admiration how you're dealing with this situation so positively! Keep up the good work, you will be a lot happier without gambling and the debts will get sorted in time mate just enjoy your life and love your family as you are doing.

Massive well done mate,

Jimboooo

Hey Phil

well done on your 43 days and on the great post on your diary my friend; the fruit of some very deep thinking I can see. The 'Gambling Phil' is very different to the 'normal Phil'. Normal Phil is able to recognise the foolishness of the past and is profoundly sorry for the hurt he caused others, Normal Phil doesn't want to return to those old days full of the gambling haze. Normal Phil can recognise that he is rich beyond imagining because of his wonderful wife and children. That all comes through very clearly to me mate, I'm sure those nearest and dearest will see that too. Remember trust can be restored and love endures.

will catch up on chat soon

take care friend

Stu

Hi Phil, have only just seen your diary.

Having read through your struggles from week one to now I think you should give yourself an enormous amount of credit for being well into your second month of recovery. It sounds as though you have surely come through the worst of it with regards to the chances of relapse, as you have shown a commendable will and desire to quit this horrible addiction for over 40 days, and I would like to think the hardest part is simply keeping the same determination you had when you first started recovery.

Getting your wife to read your recovery diaries could work the Oracle, however with the time and money you save from gambling being put towards showing your loved ones just how much you care, in time they will start to see you simply as you are and not as a gambler.

You sound like you have so much to give to your loved ones, and I would be amazed if you don't get your family life exactly how you wish.

Good luck, and I hope I make it to day 43!

Mike

Day 44, thanks Stu,Jimbo, Jace and Mike for your posts, I am sure you all can appreciate how much the support means.

So far a good weekend, my daughter won a form prize for her outstanding efforts at school, we had a good day out and about, and today we will have a relaxing day at home with a BBQ later. Very little thoughts of gambling, and if anything more focus on the benefits of not.

Relations with the wife getting better all the time, I think! Just very slow but the best way to build.

Enjoy the rest of this beautiful day and stay strong all.

Phil

Hello my dear companion in this journey:-)

44 days, that's a great achievement! And your little ones great results just tops it off:-) i'm very proud of you Phil, you doing so great, and i'm sure your wife will start seeing the real you coming back with each day passing by. Barbecue....yum yum.. lol ( sorry, got appetite back)have a great day my friend

I wish you all the best and keep facing to the brighter future!

Catch up with you later

P.S. just in time to watch big tennis game, cmon Murray!

Sandra x

Hi Phil

It was great catching up earlier- just popped by to say "thanks" for calming me about the letters!

I've been catching up with some diaries. It makes me so happy to read that things are improving at home.

Take care

Irene

x

oh! well done on 44 days 🙂

Hi Phil

Well done so far mate, seems you are in a good frame of mind to tackle this horrible addiction.

Also hope you had fun with your family during the weekends BBQ in the sun! It's these moments that make you think, why did i ever gamble in the first place when i have such wonderful things in my life. But thats in the past now, keep looking to the future and the happy times you'll have without gambling in your life.

Keep up the good work matey,

Jimbooo