Day 4 Recovery Journey

Hi

Thank you for sharing that you feel unsettled, thank you very mature and brave of you.

I found over time by sharing how I was feeling helped me open up more.

With regards the serenity I can doa ny thing I like providing I do not gamble.

You say that you I simply lost control, for me gambling was a way of me escaping whe I could not cope with how I felt.

If you feel vulnerable or have questions talk to some one or a sponsor if you feel you are up to it..

The pains of my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.

I am a non religious person who has found a healthy recovery yet for me it was a long slooooow journey.

No one made me gamble.

No one stopped me gambling.

That had to be my own choice.

I stopped gambling because I caused myself far to much pain.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L 

AKA Dave Of Beckenham

Posted by: @lilyrose

Mixed emotions today, one half of me is feeling empowered by my acceptance of my addiction and taking back control, the other half is a bag of worry.

After admitting my addiction to my boss I now fear that I might be pushed out, I know this is my brain just overthinking. 

I'm trying to remain positive and hopeful, I will not allow this addiction to rule my life anymore.

I haven't felt the urge to gamble, I am actually too mortified by the amount of money I allowed myself to gamble away but then I have to pull myself away from this thinking. I simply lost control, these things are designed to hook you in.

I'm now starting to question why this company allowed me to gamble so much money away without a warning or stopping me and having a check in. 

How are these companies allowed to slip their leaflets into magazines? 

I know I must take responsibility as I took the decision to go on these sites, I'm just frustrated how they make it so easy. 

Hey just reading your diary and I can honestly say u sound so much like me it's unreal we are one say ahead of each other and both feeling the same...

I think why did the bank allow me to top up the.money on when I rang up and I told them I had a problem I also feel like yes we were sucked into another world a world that isn't real a world that takes everything off you and more besides not only in money but our self respect and leads us to self destruction but we've seen what this is what it has done to us and we are trying to fix it please don't be hard on yourself I know u are because I am too however we are trying to fix it we got this lillyrose more than we know x

Hi

Sharing our experiences helps us understand where we came from, yet more importantly to reach those things which are ehalthier for us than our addictions.

Pains caused fears and over time I learned to heal my pains.

Also I was abale to face and reduce my fears to single numbers.

I am not able to change my past, money lost is gone, I can not take back the pain I have inflicted on others.

But in time I was abale to heal my pains and let go of my past.

I do not need or want to gamble today, just for today.

Healing our hurt inner child takes time.

I am able to exchange my unhealthy habits in to my healthy habits. 

No one could stop me gambling that had to be my own choice.

I wanted to stop hurting myself and hurting others.

Being hard on our self helps no one, and being in recovery I am suppose to heal my pains not increase them.

I was a very unhealthy person, my guilt let me know that I have a very healthy conscience.

Yet the drive to escape from myself would cause me to go against my own conscience time and time again.

Only when I was honest with myself could I get honest with others.

Love and pece to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham