Day 4 Recovery Journey

Posted by: @lilyrose

Mixed emotions today, one half of me is feeling empowered by my acceptance of my addiction and taking back control, the other half is a bag of worry.

After admitting my addiction to my boss I now fear that I might be pushed out, I know this is my brain just overthinking. 

I'm trying to remain positive and hopeful, I will not allow this addiction to rule my life anymore.

I haven't felt the urge to gamble, I am actually too mortified by the amount of money I allowed myself to gamble away but then I have to pull myself away from this thinking. I simply lost control, these things are designed to hook you in.

I'm now starting to question why this company allowed me to gamble so much money away without a warning or stopping me and having a check in. 

How are these companies allowed to slip their leaflets into magazines? 

I know I must take responsibility as I took the decision to go on these sites, I'm just frustrated how they make it so easy. 

Hey just reading your diary and I can honestly say u sound so much like me it's unreal we are one say ahead of each other and both feeling the same...

I think why did the bank allow me to top up the.money on when I rang up and I told them I had a problem I also feel like yes we were sucked into another world a world that isn't real a world that takes everything off you and more besides not only in money but our self respect and leads us to self destruction but we've seen what this is what it has done to us and we are trying to fix it please don't be hard on yourself I know u are because I am too however we are trying to fix it we got this lillyrose more than we know x