Day one.

dgr

fella apart from a few years age difference our stories could have come from the same pod,regarding our gambling life.

Welcome to the forum

In january 2012 I hit my rock bottom,was one day from being evicted from the family home,I had deceived my wife and kids that life was great for the best part of twenty years,in truth gambling broke me,I lived a constant pipe dream,the postman became my nemesis,he was the bearer of nothing but bad news.

Then on the 23/01/2012 I found out that there is another way,a way to live without the constant destruction of the losses that my compulsion to gamble brought to my life.

That way is to arrest the punt,to admit that gambling,my gambling was out of control,had been for many years and start the road of recovery.

That comes with first the admittance that gambling is beyond control,to which you have done,a huge well done for that.

My advice is the same advice that was gifted to me on my first days recovery,it still works today

There is a triangle

Time-money-location

Take one away at all times and the punt becomes impossible

Allowing you time to think rationally about your gambling.

With abstinence the lies stopped,the deciept stopped and I actually get to live an honest and enjoyable live.

I do believe this is what is on offer,it comes through making a choice

That choice is a choice for life,I know there is no cure for this,I accept that,six or so months ago 22 months into recovery I foolishly went back at it for 3 hours,I let gambling back into my life to try and fix a very temporary financial shortfall,the result the same as it was for the twenty years I went at it

I cannot win because I cannot stop.

I hope you gain as much advice and help from this forum as I have and continue to,GA has too helped me greatly,there is an online version available,virtual meetings if you like.

Take all the advice and help out there fella

The result is you actually get to enjoy your hard earnt.

You do actually win, a continued feeling of this is available,you just have to make the choice each day to take it.

As the honourable Smiler wrote upon my thread the first day I wrote on my own diary

Be kind to yourself

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Duncan. Thanks very much for all that fantastic advice and honesty.

Last night after writing this diary for the first time I told my partner everything. I feel like an enormous weight has been lifted. She was amazing and has offered to support me fully, as long as I am totally honest with her from now on. I can't believe how positive and happy I feel today. All the secrecy and deception has played such a huge part of my life. Now I never want to go back to those way EVER again. I will definitely be taking your advice and accessing the online help available. I am going back offshore tomorrow and have self excluded myself from all the gambling sites that I have been using over the years. Instead of rushing back to my cabin after my shift to gamble I intend to start hitting the Gym and shifting some of the lard I've piled on by sitting on my a*s and playing poker or watching sports over the last few years.

dgr

Well done for taking the first steps, I am also taking the first steps. I was going to say spill your guts to your partner as it would make you feel much better and I am glad you have. Yeah keep busy and exercise is a great idea.

Lennyd

Thanks Lennyd. I have no doubt I've done the right thing by telling her. It's amazing how liberating telling her feels. It's the same old thing I suppose where the more you keep something secret the more you feel as if you can never talk about it and the deeper in to the mess you've created you get.

Day 3 for me today and I've woken up with a spring in my step, even after only 4 hours sleep.

I feel positive about the future and am getting a lot of strength in reading other people's diaries and advice on here. I would really appreciate any and all advice on continuing on a gambling free path.

Dgr hi, I just waned to wish you well on your journey and say i am finding this site a huge help the support and encouragement from both people starting there recoveries and people well into them is invaluable im on day 11 now and truly without this site i don't think i would have made it this far. stick with it and good luck

jess

Thanks for your encouragement Jess, very much appreciated.

Day 4 today and I'm feeling really positive. It's great being able to concentrate on my work without thinking about what football is on tonight and which games I'll gamble on. My workplace(I work offshore) is one big betting shop. Scratch cards, Lottery bonus balls, football coupons and horse racing "expert tipsters". I haven't brought a penny out with me, so even if I was tempted I won't be able to.

I hope everyone who's in the process of giving up gambling has a bet free day today. There's so much more to life I'm beginning to find out.

Day 5.

It's funny how much you begin to realise how much of your life was consumed by deception, lies, denial, shame and wishing you could either go back and start again or fast forward till the next pay day so you can start the cycle all over again. I want to live in the here and now. I want to start fulfilling my potential. my life has passed me by. i'm determined to grab it back and start living it to the best i can.

I started my diet yesterday. I have piled on nearly 2 stone in just 7 months. Another part of my life that i have been ashamed about. As they say. My get up and go had got up and gone.

Feeling positive.

Hi GDR

We'll done on telling your partner we have similarities even though your male and I am female the addiction does not affect what s*x you are.

Thanks for your support for me telling my other half that is all I am thinking about at the moment as well as trying to sort finances out last thing on my mind is gambling at the moment The whole business of gambling makes me feel sick and so so angry with myself.

We'll done on day 5 and getting your life back keep strong

Suzanne

Hi dgr

I can relate to so much of what you write in your posts. All I can say is you are in the right place. We're all in the same boat - or at least very similar boats. Keep writing and reading on gamcare, it will help. Granite

Thank you Suzanne and Granite. It means a lot when people take the time to come on here and give me advice and encourage me:-)

Day 6 for me and still feeling so positive.

Day 3 of my diet and went to the Gym last night. Amazing how gambling totally robbed me of my health as well as my mind. So many times in the last couple of years especially i have determined during the day to go the Gym, but come end of work all i wanted to do was stick some bets on and either watch the games live or put livescores on my PC and sit festering away waiting for my winnings to pile up. What a joke. For someone who normally has quite good judgement and has a fairly good knowledge of football, when it came to gambling i was so useless. I can begin to see now why. It was a mixture of greed, wanting to chase the bigger win rather than be satisfied with a smaller more realistic return. It was also that thrill of trying to beat the bookie. The bookmaker's rely on this, it's how they win the majority of the time. The biggest and most destructive part was the chasing of losses, that was nearly always. Having to keep increasing the size of my bets just to get back to evens. Making deals with myself that if only i can get back to where i started i'll stop. What a deceptive lie. I never did. The few times i'd get it back i'd break the deal to try and get ahead. We all know what usually happened next. All gone!! The small amount of times i would get ahead, well again we all know that it never stayed in my pocket. What a horrible, self destructive cycle. I don't ever want to go back there. As Dunc says moving forward, never back. Let's all do that, together. Feeling positive.

Davie

Fella thanks for the kind words upon my thread,it really is the gift that folk handed to me when I started my own journey that I simply pass on today.

It is about the 'belief' that recovery gifts you,it if you take it will be truly life changing.

We all do stand together,all equal in our quest to live life without the destruction.

So pleased your journey is gifting your health in both your body and mind.

Abstain and maintain

Most of all enjoy it

Duncs stepping forward never back

7 days gambling free. First little milestone.

Yesterday i had about 4 people at work come up and ask me if i wanted to put a football coupon on(the rig always has a weekend footy coupon.) It made me think should i tell people that i am no longer gambling or just do what i did yesterday and say no. At the moment i am just going to say no. The people i work with out here aren't really close fiends and i don't really feel the need to explain myself to them at the moment. My friends back home on the other hand i think will be a different matter. They are used to me telling them which teams i need to win to help me win a line, or more likely telling them which one team screwed up my winning line. I think the fact that the football season is coming to an end will buy me some breathing space over the summer to decide who to tell and who not to.

Going back to the one team always seeming to let me down for a big win. It really was a recurring theme and i think that was another hook to always leave me chasing my losses. That last minute goal going in or the dead cert team getting a man sent off or conceding a penalty. The more i think about it the more it makes me cringe and feel so thankfull that that is not going to be a part of my life any longer. Not missing the gambling(or should i see the losing) at all.

Feeling positive.

Davie

Day 8 gambling free.

Last night i was flicking through the TV and watching bits of 2 or 3 games of Footy. For the first time since i stopped i had a few seconds of thinking who would i have bet on this game to win. However fleeting it was it gave me that old rush. That old voice saying what if that team wins and you don't have money on it. I had to change channels. The good thing is it passed very quickly, because i chose not to dwell on it. It's good to know i am capable of resisting that urge, because trust me for so many years i didn't resist.

There's no doubt that one of the main reason's i feel so much more able to resist compared to 9 days ago is this forum. The diaries, the struggles and the honesty in here. The realisation that i'm not alone and that nearly every person in here has or is going through what i am. It gives me strength and hope.

Day 5 of my diet as well. The one thing about working offshore is the choice and the quality of food available is very impressive. It's very easy to pile huge portions onto your plate and then come back for more. I think food became a bit of a comfort for me over the last year(and trust me, i needed a lot of comfort!!) Yesterday was Yorkshire pudding and Sticky Toffee pudding day on here. I resisted both. Pleased.

Anyway i hope everyone has a great, gamble free day today.

Davie

PS both the footy teams i would normally have bet on last night would have let me down. I'm finally beating the bookies by not betting!!

Davie

fella well done for not having the punt on the football,my friend you are so right in what you write.

Without betting you are beating the bookies.

For me the choice of who you tell is up to you,me I tell anyone who wants to hear it,kind of see it as the ultimate block,there is no shame in it,truth is the shame for me would come if I punted a single penny,because to a man we know what the outcome would be.

Misery.

Today like you I choose life.

Oh and an even bigger well done on not eating the sticky toffee, for that takes a bigger man than I lol,no pun intended!! lol I have the sweetest tooth in england!!

Keep doing what works for you.

Abstain and maintain.

Duncs stepping forward never back