dazed one

Not great... I blew it... last night AND again today. 🙁

Hang in there hon. It's never easy, and we're all going to have those times when we falter. You're brave to come here and face it, and we're still behind you 100 percent!!!

This demon is just so very hard to deal with. I'll never understand that part of our brain that just compels us to do this over and over when we KNOW it's the wrong thing to do.

Anyway, Carolyn, keep your chin up. I'm sending hugs your way.

Love, Anna

Thanks... one of my friends was recently diagnosed with breast cancer... and now my other friend, my very best friend who has stood beside me since I was two, called me and both her mom and sister are in hospital, both serious... and I'm leaving the country and won't be here for her when she has stood by me through everything in my life. Just feel so down and not getting anything done when I have soooo much to do and sooo much on my mind. So sad. Guess I should pull that book out I've been reading again. Easier to mope...

Carla, it can be done.

Hi Carolyn. I'm very sorry about your friends. It's always hard to be apart from your family and friends when something serious is going on. Being in the military, that's happened to me a lot. I guess all you can do is be there for them as much as possible through phone calls and e-mail, and let them know before you leave how much you love them and are there for them.

But, I think it's also important not to let the hard times drag us back into gambling. All that ever does is make us feel worse about ourselves, and digs a deeper hole of depression.

If you ever want to chat, my Yahoo Messenger ID is papergirl1214, or I can meet you on private chat in the Safe Harbor chatroom if you need to talk sometime.

Thinking of you.

- Anna

Hi Carla

I just what to share with you a little of my past and hopes it reasuures your decision to move away.

I worked in Isreal (still in a casino - sorry but can`t help but apologise for my job) I was there 1998 - 2001 This was the only time I stopped without even thinking about it..I gambled once in another casino and once playing card in the 3 years I was there...During my time in Israel my mother passed away from cancer. I went home to say my goodbyes and it was only then I made my peace with her I told her the day befoe she passed I was sorry for my gambling..I wnet back to Isreal and led another gamble free year and didn`t even think about it for one moment..

I got back to the UK and with in 2 weeks I was sat at slot machine in an arcade and this was the start of a bad 2 years.

What I am trying to say is that it worked for me going to adifferent country and I didn`t even no at the time.

Thank you for helping me look back at this and remembering what I said to my mum..When absorbed in our demons we forget others..

The nearest casino in Isreal was a 4 hour drive and there were no machines in the bars. This helped without me knowing it at the time. I loved absorbing a new culture and gained new friends.

Thinking of you, please be strong

Luv Lucy xx

Thanks for the replies and support. I was handling things pretty good but recently found out my soon to be ex has a girlfriend. I have suspicions that he was cheating while we were together. With everything else going on in my life, it was just too much and sent me for a loop. BUT... hearing encouraging words helps. I'm determined to start thinking more positively and I'm going to have a productive day. Thanks, again!

Hi Carolyn

Hope you are enjoying your productive day..

Lot Of Luv

Lynn xxx (aka Lucy)

Hi Carolyn. Finding out about the ex has to be a hard thing. I remember when I found out my ex-Fiance had married someone else. Even though it had been 6 years since he called things off, I totally fell to pieces and that was really the start of my cg.

Even though it hurts, you have to tell yourself that YOU deserve better, and you will find it when the time is right. You're worth the best! Maybe you'll meet some tall, dark and handsome stranger in the UAE. 🙂

You've been through a lot lately, and I'm really proud of you for staying strong.

Thinking of you!

Anna

Thanks girls. I did have a reasonable day, althouh I slipped a bit. I started trying to tackle all of the things I had to do and then got overwhelmed by it all and playing the negative tapes in my mind... went and gambled, but only a teeny bit (I know, not good) but then felt kind of proud that I hauled my b**t outta there after such a short while (and still had a few bucks I could have donated). I then "scolded" myself for not doing the things I so need to get done, so I set to work... managed to sift through one room (bedroom) clearing out the closet and drawers. Felt good to be productive, especially since I started the day out on the wrong foot. Tomorrow will be another challenge with yet another funeral to attend, but I think I can do it. You guys are great.

Well, hon, forgive yourself for the slip and move forward. You can come clean my closets if you want to! Ha Ha.

You've been through a lot lately, and I know it hasn't been easy. Just keep coming back, and keep holding your head up, and we'll be right here for you.

Love, Anna

Hi Carolyn

You show such strength and have had to deal so much..

My thoughts have been with you the last couples of days - attending the funeral..

Hope you are ok

Take care

Lynnxx

Thanks. I got through the funeral alright and it was good to be with family I hadn't seen in a while. I've also been quite productive cleaning out my office. I never used to be a packrat, but somehow over the last few years I really let things go and it was a major mess. Feels good to deal with it. Thanks for your kind words, Lynn and Anna. I hope you have a great weekend.

Hi Carolyn. I'm so glad to see you, and glad you made it through everything OK. Funerals are so hard. I've been to too many already in my life.

Oh, cleaning out things is something I need to get around to, but just seem to keep putting it off! 🙂

I'm out of town for the weekend, but I'll check back with you when I return!

Love, Anna

Well, just a few short hours until I leave. I'm scrambling to get everything done. So much to do, yet yesterday I went to the casino again. I'm glad I came out a little ahead that visit, but know I shouldn't have gone. I knew I wouldn't be able to go again since I leave today. I guess it's a darn good thing I'm going to a place where gambling is illegal. I am going to gain control over my life again. I hope things work out over there. Wish me luck.