dazed one

Hi Carla,

Thanks for your latest post and for 'keeping in touch' while I was away. I am now back in the UK. Its crazy how much they promote gambling here and how much it is readily available - no wonder we find it so hard to walk away. It was nice to be in countries where you forget gambling even exists!

Good luck for this year, lets make it a better one for both of us. We don't need that stress in our lives.

James

Thanks heaps, folks.

As for Canada, well.... like most places, there are incredibly beautiful areas and there are less beautiful areas. I don't live in the greatest of places in terms of beauty as compared to other parts of the country but appreciate that the economy here is robust... and I can walk to beautiful, natural spots not far from me. Guess we need to appreciate what we have.

Random thoughts/plans for the day...

A GOAL WITHOUT A PLAN IS JUST A WISH

Must remember this as I spend my life wishing things would change instead of making that happen. Will plaster today's goals on walls (thanks for idea from Sandra's post) ...Need to start making more focused goals .... physical, spiritual/emotional, career, financial, etc. but know me.... can get overwhelmed too quickly and stop... progress, not perfection (don't know who to thank for that)....

Today:

- not a cloud in the sky and looks gorgeous out there - get out to that beautiful area nearby and walk for 20 minutes- isolating too much... ask bestie to meet up there? If not.... visualize positive energy entering and demons withering!

Visualize positive life ahead.

- finish living room paper sort - start office

- remember to start application (extra work idea)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yGaVG-GxFu4

Hi Carla,

Thanks for the supportive post on my thread. I like that saying: "a goal without a plan is just a wish." Funny, this morning I was thinking that I need to get off of my a ss and quit thinking that recovery is going to just somehow happen. I'm tired of being a spectator. Time to get busy. We can do this. I first heard the saying "progress not perfection" in AA... Anyway, I can really relate to so much of what you just wrote. Hang in there girl. -joanxxx

Thanks, Joan.... trying to hang in there. Day not going as expected. Sun still shining but -33 with the wind chill makes it too cold to walk and it's also dangerously slippery with that freezing rain we had not long ago... yup, yo-yo and extreme temps can wreak all kinds of havoc. Feeling very, very sad now. Just learned that my doc suddenly passed away. I've had this same doc for going on 35 years. Day may not go as planned but won't let sadness lead me to my vices.

And an Everly Brother died....Phil Everly... 74 years old. Hope Dragonfly is alright.

Spent a very long time trying to get some meditations onto my ipod with some long distance help from my nephew. He doesn't believe there are tech demons that haunt me but it's true. We were finally successful but it took an eternity and both of us were very frustrated. Also just realized that my ma's birthday would have been today. I have lots of "mother issues" and lots of "catholic guilt" about that too so many feelings coming to the fore now. So, I decided to head out to the store but my car wouldn't start. I've plugged it in now but have a feeling that won't make a dif as the battery is fairly old. Will see in the morning, I suppose. Can't help but feel negative about it all. It seems like the more I try, the more obstacles are thrown at me. Really, I had such good intentions and was feeling so determined this morning and now.... yet another wasted day. Feel so sad. Maybe I'm just a whiner?

Epiphany... I think my dad was a cg. Good God... why didn't I see that sooner?

I really, really wonder what it is that allows some folks to rise above their circumstances and others not? If it's not in peoples' DNA, then what? And whatever we attribute it to.... it can't be fair. But, I suppose if life was fair (from boson particles on up), then we'd all be exactly the same and it would be very boring. Does that mean that it's all just some kind of cosmic game? Some kind of "jest of God" (stealing from the title of a Margaret Atwood book)? Is everything unfolding by design? Or is it nothing more than chance?

oh dear.... I guess I lied about not letting sadness lead me to my vices....but won't have any more beer tonight.

Aww (((((( Carla )))))

I'm sorry, but don't understand some of ur posts ....lol..must b my English...it's ok, i will get dictionary later and get working it out lol lol

A little beer is MUCH better than heading to the devil's den...oh girl, if i was ur neighbour ( neighbor ) you would be looked after and made sure you are safe, not empty belly, rested and warm every day :-))) i am a good neighbour lol...on a hot sunny days we would have that sneaky beer and a chat to keep our hopes high about that better future to come!!:-)) it will come, for sure..couse we deserve it!!!

Goodnight sweetie

Peace and happiness ur way

Sandra x

Hey Carla

I'm ok...

A bit reticent to post as i'm being moderated by GC in case I say something that may be comtraversial or offensive.

Just posted on Sandra's to say that in a way I'm kinda liking it as it means I'm finally a bad girl and not Miss Perfect!

Did an online quiz on facebook from the characters of Grease...I answered honestly and came up with "Sandy" ..boring..yawn ....Went through all combinations of answers until I got to Rizo !! Yay!,

Im ok Hun..still reading and still rooting for ya and think you and Mr V can be good motivators. I also can identify so much as I can see you have had such a varied life as I have yet still have these things that haunt you despite big success in other areas of life.

Just seeing your last post there ...sometimes the closer the thing is the harder it is to see..gambling don't forget comes in many forms.

In many ways I am a gambler myself as i push things to a limit...possibly 100% worse than folks on here as the thrill comes from what is about to come out of my mouth ...I take huge risks , pushing the bounds of good taste, pushing over the line,shock value..plus I run red lights and park on double lines.

Do I want to be stopped? ...honestly not really...I like the pseudo telling off...boys in blue keeping me in lime whilst I snigger like Mutley.

Carla..I have no doubt you will come out the other side and I know you have it in you Hun xxxxxxxx

Thanks Sandra and ExD... don't worry about not understanding... was just drunken rambling. Very Hungover. First time in a long time. Hope car starts. Hope head clears. Owwww.

Hey Carla,

Hope u feeling better :-)))

Where u thinking of going while hungover??? Shouldn't drive!!

I did get ur posts lol..i shot up from sleep last night so wasn't fully with it lol...but yea, they mk perfect sense :-))

Hugs darling

Stay strong and safe

Sandra x

Hello Carolyn

Thanks for you post, you are never far from my thoughts and your support to me has always been a strength. You are one of the few i look for when i come to this site, so even if i wont be on here so much i will never lose contact with you. This year will be a tough year for many reasons, not leat my eternal battle with gambling ! its sickening truly.

Take care my friend & dont let the Polar Vortex get you down over there as very often i am sure it will come to the UK at some point too.

Your friend , Dark Place x

Hey darling,

Hope all is good ur end and u staying warm and safe :-))

Hugs Hun ((((( C )))))

S x