dazed one

Hi Ya Carla,

I too can relate strongly to what you are saying and feeling. My partner and I went 15 weeks without gambling, fell down, and couldn't get back up for months. I was in a terrible space and I could not figure out how some could just bounce right back up. Wondered about what might be wrong with me? Us? I too can get triggered by what I read on other diaries. I think it's part of the experiment. lol. I can no longer bottle up my feelings so, I just say what's on my mind on my own diary for me and no one else. I never want another soul to feel bad after what I might have written but, I cannot stuff feelings. It sucks to be in a cr appy space but, I give you a huge high five for putting out there what's on your mind. We often say on here put it ALL out there. The good the bad and the ugly. This forum is for anyone who has the desire to stop and can work as long as we remain honest to the one person that matters -- ourselves. Anyway, I didn't want to hijack your thread either. Just echoing Shiny there. There is hope. My partner and I did manage to get back on the wagon and are approaching 10 weeks. There was a time when I did not think we could do it either.. One day at a time. -joanxxxx

You are right gambling is not about the money, it is about experiencing the high, the adrenalin rush, an escape from boredom or stress.

I'm feeling you are in a confused and reflective mode right now. Some more analysis is required. Where you have been and why, where you are now, where you want to get to, how you will get there.

Would like to help by having a conversation with you about these things. I can remember being at the same stage. Hope you can work things through and move forward. I wouldn't worry about not posting on other diaries. First and foremost attend to your own recovery.

Hi Carla

Thank you for your caring posts, i am ok dont worry ! just putting my best head back on 🙂 i might not be so active on here for a little while as i try different techniques to combat my addiction. I hope your well and fighting on regardless, take care your friend. Dark Place

Hey Carla,

Understand 100% we have the same addiction triangle, for me when I’ve abstained from gambling its the pots fault that my life is s*i* and so on.

And I understand that addictions do serve a purpose, gambling does take me away if only for a short time. After i have had a few pints i generally have a more positive outlook on life.

Is that just addiction talking? I honestly don’t know.

What confuses me the most is:

Is gambling the symptom or the cause.

Does it matter, probably not, still bothers me though.

Can i change? Im not sure.

Do i want to change? Again not sure.

Thanks for vocalising.

Hope your mood improves.

Just seen your posts to me.

Thanks.

Thank you so much everyone. I have really been in a downward spiral. Yesterday, I worked really hard to pull myself out of it and actually ended up with a half decent day. Your posts really helped me. Thinking of you SA and I believe ANY decision you make will be the right one. You are worrying about the future. All we have is now.

a nothing post.... didn't like the number of the last one.

Hi Carla

thank you for the support just recently, shows I can hit rock bottom not only when inflicted by gambling, nature is sure a force to be reckoned with.

Know that spiral well but have learnt that equally as I can zoom down it I can also turn it upside down and start back at the top and stop anywhere in between to have a good old look around and if I like what I see I can hang around for a while.

Hoping your hand is ok as well as I know only too well how pain can affect our mental well being>

Sending hugs, health and happiness.

xxx

Hey Carla,

Start panicking there!! Couldn't find you,..hope all is good with you girl, keep breathing and believing.

Always in my thoughts dear soldier

Be kind to urself, stay safe, warm and at peace.

http://youtu.be/dNkB6vI5vwg

( since you like dogs, let me share this playful puppy with you ) 🙂

S x

Thank you. Thank you. Still doing stupid things here.... payday came and paycheque went. And of course, I was up substantially but just can't stop or seem to learn. To top it all off, temps here are ridiculous ( effective temp was -50 with the wind chill yesterday but today it's warmed to a balmy -32). Water main broke outside my front street so ice everywhere and no water for cooking and my chores! Feeling shi**y but thankful you guys are still thinking of me, even if I've gotten lazy on here!

Never forgotten...b kind to ursrlf....always in my thoughts girl, will never ever give up on you...stay safe darling

((((((( Carla ))))))) xxxxx

Never stop trying Carla and don't abandon the diary i believe it's very helpful

The bear x

Hi Carla,

Just coming by to say hi and sending you a hug. Keep on keeping on and never give up giving up!!!!

Take care darling (((( C )))) xxx

Not giving in

http://youtu.be/ft3FFntxwVU

S x

Hey you ?

Whats happening ? not talking to your new friends anymore ;-/ x

Hi Carla,

We cannot win because we cannot stop. Its so true. I am just the same as you when I gamble. The win lose cycle always ends in loosing everything. The only win is not to play but I understand how hard it is not to make self-destructive choices.

Keep working at it. Keep posting. I and many others are listening. Regards.. S.A