dazed one

I'm so sad. I make really good money and with renting out my rooms, I could pay them back fairly quickly. I just wish they'd give me one chance.... but I didn't beg. I just said "I understand" ..... but I'm not sure I really do. I know would pay back every cent! I could understand if I neglected debts before but I never have. Oh geez.

...and breathe now girl. Yea, a bit of a s**t situ but I'm sure we all been there before. It is hard to ask for help and I suppose it's even harder to accept helping hand too. Thete is a way out, u are overthinking too much now. Calm down, do not panic or stress out, this won't get you anywhere. Take a deep breath and leave all your thoughts in a back of your head for a bit. I know it's there, but do not let it completely destroy u ok...just breathe, there is outcome from every situation as confusing as you see it at the moment. There is a way out...always a way out...and it's not in the casino my friend. You know it, so just forget it completely.

right, I send a request out for your email, hope it won't take long and we can go through everything in a less stressful manner. Will never give up on you, you need t believe that yoursrlf girl...keep battling ok...steady, no stress...breathe x

Trying to stay calm but starting to get very weepy.... usually good at blocking those feelings! I also emailed admin and said to give my email to you. Trying to hang on....

All you can do is hang on girl..have a cuppa, calm your mind, ok..I'm here with you ((((C))))

never forget - there is a way out even if you can't see the light now..we will find it, believe girl.

Trying.... guess I better contact the bank and tell them I can't pay.... sh#!

I so wish I had asked my bro to take over my finances. He is willing now but now the damage is supreme.... I should have asked sooner. I did ask a couple of people before but they said no. I didn't want to ask my bro only because of convenience as he lives a bit of a drive away from me but in retrospect..... D@mn that they won't lend me now.... even though I would give full control of my money away and they still won't lend me. What the h*ll am I going to do?!

A very strange thing happened last night while I was in the devil's den.... I was in the washroom and thinking about how I can't even afford to place an ad for renting my room (the nasty girl has just moved out and that's a whole other story that did not end well). Anyway... a lady approached me and asked if I knew of anyone who would rent a room?!! How strange! Yet, she was so rough looking that I didn't offer up the room I have but she did give me her phone number in case I thought of anyone who could help her. Now, I'm feeling guilty for judging her based on her appearance, but she did mention "I am responsible and my job comes before alcohol." which left me wondering why she would say that... made me suspicious that she has a drinking problem.... just what I need.... more problems. At any rate, the money for the room isn't nearly enough to cover my immediate problem.

It is painful being refused a shout for help my friend. I hav exactly the same wiv my sis..only for different circumstances. .it turned out now, I am keeping her cards..life is crazy, and stick has two ends..

Give that person another thought...maybe a good sign after all and would help u hugely to hav someone renting a room..just a thought..

take care and sorry, hav to go..work is calling.stay safe and spk later. X

Hi Carla

Which post do i tackle first ? ok, last night ! find a dime then pick it up and all the day & night you will have good luck. Maybe that lady is a guardian angel sent to watch over you or learn from. It is kind of weird and i have many occurances like that. It is a sign Carla sent to you, to stop looking inwards and begin to look outwards ! gambling has taken part of your soul sweetheart, an out of world force is trying to give you it back. For the first time MAYBE in a longtime you looked at that lady and assumed her problems just for those fleeting moments. There are far worse people off than you and that is even allowing that you have blown all your money ! try to think good things and look to do good to other people however small it is, you will start to be rewarded inwardly and outwardly. Sorry to preach but i kind of think this maybe a turning point for you. Seems you are at your lowest point, dd it really need to get here for you to change your life ??

I can only offer support in words and thoughts Carla, wish i could offer you more. Hoping you find some inner strength, your friend Dark Place

Hi Carla, thoughts are with you. I too have been in many a desperate state over the years with not a bean to my name and wondering where the next hot meal would come from. I can empathise with your current situation.

Priorities are food then roof over your head... debts come some way down the list. If you can't pay your debts this month then you can't pay your debts this month. Its just the way it is.

You can recover, you will recover, if you really want to. As you say you have a well paid job.. money issues will resolve themselves given time.. its coming to terms with yourself as you are, that's the hard bit. Your gambling, my gambling, never was about the money anyway.

Am sure you will find that inner resolve to get to a better place. You deserve better. Take care, keep safe... S.A

Carla

sorry to read your having a tough time at the minute, like SA wrote make sure you look out for yourself.

Truth is my life got better when my family said No to lending me any more money, at the time I could not see it, but it make me take responsability for my own life instead of seeing what I thought was the easy way out.

Keep moving forward, be honest with folk, it will help.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thank you so much you guys. What a helluva day.... the worst anxiety I have ever experienced. I have just actually found someone to loan me the money.... an old family friend who I dreaded calling but was the only one I could risk asking as she doesn't know the people in my life. My parents must be rolling over in their graves. They would be so ashamed of me. She called me "stupid girl" a few times (she's almost 90!) and made me promise to quit smoking and gambling. I was honest with her .... and I swear I will never gamble again. As for smoking, I told her about my 36 days abstinence and that I started again and am now cutting down substantially to slowly, slowly, wean myself off completely. I am now waiting for a return call from the bank. I didn't answer right away when they called because my plan wasn't in place yet. I do feel some relief at the moment but am very far from feeling good. I can't believe I did that and I simply have to fight the gambling demon much harder than I have been... much, much harder. Amazing how you good people rallied to support, even though I have been so slack on here. I won't respond to diaries today (sooooo emotionally exhausted right now) but need to be coming here regularly again and am so grateful you are all here. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Hey Carla,

I'm pleased you feel a bit relieved finding the person to help you out financially. You sounded very stressed my friend and it's very understandable circumstances.

Some great support and wise words from the guys here. Please believe that things can change. Stay close by this site, you know urself how helpful it is...on good days and bad ones.

Hope you had some well needed rest to calm your mind down. Look after yourself and take it easy ok

Always here my friend, stay safe and face forward.

Slow and steady, tiny steps, you will get where you want to be.

Sandra x

Dear Carolyn, always here for you, hope you have a peacful day. Dark Place

Thanks for kind thoughts Carla

know just what you mean about emotional exhaustion. Wish we could have a reserve tank filled from the good days to call on.

Hope things get better for you very soon.

xxx