dazed one

Hi Carla

Ive just had a read through your diary and looking at it you spent a lot of time gamblefree while you were posting on here.I think if you could start doing that again things will pick up. There are still people on here from when you were first posting so it shows if you stick around it can be done. You are obviously feeling down at the moment.But you know there is light at the end of the tunnel .Stick with it Carla .All the best Jeff.

Thanks, Jeff, but I don't feel like I deserve any credit for anything. I have been gamble free for periods but that's only because I was in a location where gambling wasn't available. It seems like whenever I have come home (and I'm home permanently now), my gambling escalated unbelieveably. I feel quite sick about it and realize I am completely out of control. But you're right... I need to start posting here more regularly, and I know I've said I would do that before and didn't follow through so this time I won't say it. I'll just do it. Thanks.

hi carla,

im sure you have alot of advice to offer people here too...i know i would have been lost and still gambling only for this site..currenty i may be slightly addicted to this place....but i dont cost be anything 🙂

I only had a quick look at your diary...i can see you have been here before..you can still beat this awful addiction.keep posting it is a great reminder and great support.

Best wishes

Micheal

Thanks, Michael. I'm going to try harder than I have in the past. I am now 3 days gamble free.

Some may go one day at a time... I'm counting half days... 4 1/2 gamble-free days.

Hi Carla

Congratulations on 4 3/4 days lol.

Really you are doing great.

Stay strong Jeff.

Thanks! Mostly I feel determined. I am still getting occasional waves of dread that I'm going to screw up again. That kind of worries me... but for now... one day at a time!

Hi Carla,

You can do it, you've done it before and you can do it again. Just try and keep up the things which help you stay away - like posting on here, or attending GA perhaps?

If you are determined and want to stop for yourself then you will. Many people come through the doors of GA and they stop whilst they go to meetings. When they stop going to meetings they get into old habits again and the number that come back through the doors after having a slip is incredible. Just proves it works - you can make it work for you.

Good luck in your recovery

Matt

Thanks, Matt. I have a strong aversion to going to GA. I've gone to one meeting and never went back. I know it could help me but I just can't seem to bring myself to go. I am, however, going to use this site regularly, which I know I've said before and didn't follow through on either, but this time....

7 FULL days gamble free. Tonight would be the night that I usually go, but I managed not to for a change.

Jeesh... why can't I learn? I am so out of control. How can I go and drop more than a month's wages just like that... and it's all on credit to boot. My debts are mounting and I just keep getting in deeper. Will I keep going until I lose my house? I've already borrowed half the equity (and housing prices are high where I am). I've read on a few posts "I can't win because I can't stop". I've said that to myself a hundred times, but.... Ugh... I don't even like to listen to myself anymore... all I sing is the same old song and I hate it.

Carla

Just checking on you.You sounded pi**ed off in your last post.I know sometimes its hard,but please stay in touch.I have a good feeling that you can do this with help.myself and others are here for you.Start again Carla.Jeff.

Kind of late to reply, but thanks, Jeff. I'm in a bad way now. I've taken on so much debt. Don't have much equity in my house left and the money problems could really start to do damage to my credit rating and reputation. I've been a complete fool. If I don't get serious about this now, it will be too late. I'm living a "secret" life now and it's started to take its toll physiologically. I've gone from a position of being financially stable and very comfortable to having very little equity left and at 50 years old, it's scary. I think I've gambled almost $600,000 dollars away! Gone! My guts are constantly churning and I'm losing my focus in the other areas of my life (finding it hard to concentrate at work). My promise.... (and I think I've written this before)... to start using this site. I still don't think I can promise not to gamble but I'm sure going to try, and try hard. Wish me luck.

I'm not trying hard enough. I'd better "get it" soon. This will completely destroy me. Any success stories out there? Has anyone beat this?

I have no control. I am self destructing very quickly. This is most definitely an illness. Who in their right mind would do what I'm doing? I am living a secret life and without a husband or kids or parents, it's quite easy to do. But it's going to catch up with me and soon the cat will be out of the bag. I will disappoint so many people. I am so sorry and feel like such a fraud. I can't tell them. I've always prided myself on my honesty but I've become a liar. I don't steal from anyone but I hide my real self and my real pathetic life. I've almost lost all the equity in my house now and my retirement savings too. I think tomorrow, my payments won't go through as I just got paid and emptied my account last night. And I make good money. Gone. Just like that. I often wish for death though I would never do it. It would hurt too many people. And I often wish for life too but the life I want seems to elude me. I need peace and constantly sabotage myself. I wish casinos were illegal. I'm so lonely. And I'm so sad. And I have nobody to blame but myself. And there's so many others here with the same story so I know the gut wrenching feeling of s******g up over and over and over is familiar. I'm thinking of everyone here and sending prayers out to the universe for us all.