Not sure I expected to be doing this but having withdrawn all balances, closed all accounts and self-excluded yesterday, this is day one.
Yesterday I asked the forum if I had a problem and on reflection the answer was blatantly obvious. I have been gambling for 7 years on and off. My issue is online slots. I'm not sure it was an issue at first but even then I probably gambled longer and more compulsively than was healthy. It was small stakes so it was less obvious.
I have read many posts since joining yesterday and feel a mixture of comfort and despair than my story is nigh on identical to many others. Comfort because it is not just me; one can be a perfectly rational individual, hold down a job, have a balanced family life and somehow hide a secret gambling addiction. Despair because the entire industry seems set up to exploit that. Funny (or tragic?) but I didn't notice until I joined here and took a step back.
In summary small stakes, decent win, bigger stakes, losses, more losses, quit, rejoin, win, lose, lose some more... Well, you get the idea.
I don't know how today will go but determined to give this a try.
Okay, so I've been reading as much of the advice as I possibly can but I'm a little worried about how much of it I am going to be able to take. I know my husband would not understand so telling someone close is a complete no no. That also means that significantly changing our banking arrangements can't happen either. To be honest, I am not sure that would help anyway as I have access to cash for work.
Things I can do? I have self excluded from all accounts I had already and the major online sites that I might have been tempted to join. I will also look into blocking software for my PC and phone.
Day 1 went pretty well but it was a busy day with not much time to gamble had I wanted to. I did not gamble every day so the big challenge for me will be the first night at home when I want a shot. It is only once I am on a splurge that I gamble every spare minute wherever I am. I guess my main aim just has to be not starting in the first place.
Job for today; go check the bank account.
Great to see you've got a diary up.
More blocks the merrier, even some 7 years + down the line, I still have blocks in place, so I can't just go on a gambling spree, because yes I do enjoy gambling, but know it's such a waste of quality time and money.
I look forward to reading your diary and seeing you break away from the gambling.
Hey ...welcome...online slots were also my passion !
Like you I was adament I couldn't tell hubby....fast forward 140 odd days....and I'm glad he knows...yes...tears. ..questions...silences. ..and everything else. ....would I have done so well in staying gamble free if he didn't know ?. ..can't really answer that honey....who knows....but for me it had to come out....the state of our marraige was one of the triggers that hooked me into the addiction. ...so it was the only way forward to get it all out there....but we are all different my love....and as long as we get there in the end....the way we do it...I don't think matters....I've said in here many times...." there's more than one way to peel a spud ""...just take one day at a time love....keep this place close to you.....and start the journey....you'll be glad you did...take care x
Day 2 was okay. I had a hospital appointment so lots of sitting around and my thoughts did drift to having a shot once or twice. I've downloaded a few daft games onto my phone to give me an alternative in mindless entertainment. That kept me amused and away from the slots so it's all good.
Bank account isn't looking too terrible so a couple of careful months and I should be back on track. Did a rough tally and reckon I'm down about £15k in seven years. That's one hell of an expensive hobby. I am writing that down near the top of my diary just in case I need reminding why it is better to stop now before that is multiplied over the next few dozen years. I can't even contemplate how much time I have lost but we are talking months if not years. I know I can't get any of it back but quantifying it feels a productive step. I don't want to slip into thinking wistfully about that old way of life. What a waste.
Hi j
Thanks for popping over to see me...I'm glad my diary helped a bit...I read so much in my first weeek. ..in fact I don't think I ever left the site for more than a few minutes lol.....keep close to this site....and take one day at a time.x
Day 3 done and strangely I felt more engaged with everything around me. Had a day off so was at home with my other half. I didn'the have to worry about him seeing what I was doing on my phone so spent the whole day closer to him. Even if that just meant sharing the same sofa to watch a movie together rather than him watching the movie and me playing on my phone on the other side of the room. Folks on here are right. You do look at gambling differently once you take a step back from it.
Well done on getting to the half a week stage.
Gambling just creates a little bubble, you go in it, even if you are surrounded by others. When you break that bubble you realise that there are many other little things, that are so much more rewarding than gambling.
Always remember there are so many positives if you don't gamble and none if you do.
Look forward to seeing you get to the 1 week mark.
The weekend has just flown by as it always seems to do. This was a busy one so I probably wouldn't have gambled anyway but still feels good to add another couple of days to the tally. I am nervous for the days that come where I really want a shot but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
Thank for the encouragement Julie, Loxxie, Steve. I am reading more than I am posting right now which helps reinforce my decision. I really do think quitting was the right thing to do.
Hope everyone out there has a good, gamble free day. x
Well done for continuing on the gamble free journey. Very soon you'll be at a whole week, which is a very good achievement.
Keeping busy is important, as it takes the mind away from gambling and teaches it, that gambling, isn't important and there are many other worthwhile things you can be doing.
The urges will most definitely come, when they do and you haven't gambled, you'll need to reasses your blocks you have in place and to think it through as to why you had the urge to gamble.
Another couple of busy days so no real issues. I think if anything I am feeling impatient. I'm not craving gambling so don'the really feel I am learning anything. I feel I am coasting and the gambler's quick fix mentality wants to get something over with. That probably makes no sense but I don't really know how to describe my feelings. Anyhow, I have made it past the week milestone so pretty pleased with that.
Hi J,
I share your demon with online slots so udnerstand what you are going through. We do feel at times that there is no craving so enjoy those time, always have your blocks in place for when the urges do come along you are prepared. I have done a lot of work with a therapist to identify my triggers - I found that when i dont address them I get the urge to gamble so have spent a lot of time focusing on how to deal with them. You have done great getting through a week - block your access online and and take one day at a time!
Congrats on getting to a week free.
I think you are coasting because it is you, as you said in your first post, you are a perfectly rational individual. Your mindset doesn't need adjusting to gambling is bad for you, you know that and have already worked that out.
Yes everyone who wants to quit, knows it bad for them, but many have trouble getting their mind to accept that. The quicker you get the mind to accept it, the better.
Thank you Steve and Rose for your comments. It helps to know others share these fellings and can vouch for the solutions.
So, things are still going well here. I have been thinking about triggers and I echo many others. I get the urge to gamble when I feel sad and/or isolated. I actually think tonight might be a struggle as I just left a night out to head home and be sensible. I have had a few drinks and wanted to stay out but my other half wanted me home. I don't really mind going but it is that lack of social connection that would sometimes set me off. I guess being aware gives me a better chance of abstaining. I will check back in tomorrow.
Take care all. x
So, my profile says it is 17 days since I gambled though I can't honestly say I have been counting, that feels pretty good. I'm honestly not sure what else to say. I just haven't wanted to do it. I know there will be tougher times ahead but for now things are pretty good.
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