Deep breath and start again

Wooohooooo Annie's reached a 100 days.....so very pleased for you my love...we met as broken ladies....now look at us...living again....and loving it....big hug for a special lady...yeahhhhhh xxx

Woo hoo. Welcome to the century club and many congratulations x

Hi Annie....congrats on the 100 days. Great work xx

Thank you for the support all. I had a bit of a funny day yesterday as happy reaching the 100 days and then down to earth with a bang when I was unable to withdraw money from my bank account, as it appears there were some hungry people in Sheffield who scammed my card and used it to buy an enormous amount of food from a takeaway service! A Paypal payment was declined because of this but got it sorted today and I shall still get my ebay buys.

In the height of my addiction to online slots I would have not even noticed if someone was fraudulently using my card as I very rarely looked at it and when I did I only looked at the balance - I knew I was out of control and avoided statements as they were always dire. I have also been thinking about the number of sites I have joined over the years and it must be over 50 and I'm finding myself quite shocked that I put myself in a vulnerable position. So busy tonight with changing passwords on all my accounts and now waiting for the fraud team to get back to me. The lady I spoke with last night told me it is so common and even cash machines in busy town areas are being tampered with. Possibly the one time in my life I will utter these words: I'm glad I've not got a lot of money!

Hoping you all stay safe with your finances and be vigilant as these barstewards are a devious lot xx

Hi annie , Sorry to hear of your plight love , with a bit of luck you shouldn't be liable for it though should you ? , I agree with you about the statement comments , I used to dread them coming in especially the Credit card ones and only ever paid the minmum each month !.

Right off for a good kip now , had a big meal in Sheffield last night and I'm still stuffed ? :)) xx

How are things going Annie? How are you? Xx

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Day 117 in the diary room.

Annie is feeling like shoite, wracked with pain and needs a few joints (either will do, thanks). Been keeping a low profile here for some time due to my ailing and ageing body but have been with you all in mind. Still working, but not doing much else to be honest. This has been a regular pattern in my life for the past 21 years and I am on my guard because it was times like this when the pain made me miserable that I would immerse myself in online gambling - escapism perhaps, but perverse in that fact that a few hours of hiding in the ether, I would feel more miserable having dug myself deeper in debt.

Having a wee look around the diaries and it is nice to see fellow CG's adding to their gamble free days and especially nice to see new members being so kindly supported. Keep up the good work friends xxx

Same to you Annie. Your not Alone 🙂

Day 118 and things took an unexpected positive turn today. I have mentioned in the past that my lovely Mum gave me money to 'clear my feet' some years ago after I had confided in her that I had got myself into debt through gambling. She gave me a large sum of money and nothing was said about paying it back, and once or twice when I was on a winning streak I would tell her that I'd give her her money/half her money soon but, as usual I could never quit while ahead and the debt to my Mum was never mentioned again. Well, today she popped in for an unexpected visit and I was home alone - no wee prying eyes or radar ears around. She was blethering about her friend who has just gone into a home and her house is being sold to pay for her this. I just blurted out 'Mum, I'm so sorry I haven't paid you the money back but I have had a bigger gambling problem than I let on'. Wee sweet lady then says 'what do you need? I'll help'. I went on to explain that I no longer rely on anyone to help me out as I am the one who managed to get into this mess and I'm working hard to a) stay gamble free and b) pay off all debts I owe, including hers. She just gave me a cuddle and asked if I owed any friends or family money as she would deal with it but I honestly could say I did not.

I am feeling on top of the world as I love my wee Mum to pieces and we have a great relationship which I felt was being affected by the 'elephant in the room'. I am super lucky to have such an understanding Mum. When she left she said 'I've had a lovely afternoon pal and always remember I'm here for you and love you more than anything'. Part of me knows that already but the other half of me feels I do not deserve it because of my actions over the past few years.

A Mother's love knows no bounds and that has been truly demonstrated today. I will not ever put myself or my family in this rotten position again and am forever grateful for finding this forum as it has given me the tools to confront my demons.

Take care all and thanks for listening xx

annie67 wrote:

Day 118 and things took an unexpected positive turn today. I have mentioned in the past that my lovely Mum gave me money to 'clear my feet' some years ago after I had confided in her that I had got myself into debt through gambling. She gave me a large sum of money and nothing was said about paying it back, and once or twice when I was on a winning streak I would tell her that I'd give her her money/half her money soon but, as usual I could never quit while ahead and the debt to my Mum was never mentioned again. Well, today she popped in for an unexpected visit and I was home alone - no wee prying eyes or radar ears around. She was blethering about her friend who has just gone into a home and her house is being sold to pay for her this. I just blurted out 'Mum, I'm so sorry I haven't paid you the money back but I have had a bigger gambling problem than I let on'. Wee sweet lady then says 'what do you need? I'll help'. I went on to explain that I no longer rely on anyone to help me out as I am the one who managed to get into this mess and I'm working hard to a) stay gamble free and b) pay off all debts I owe, including hers. She just gave me a cuddle and asked if I owed any friends or family money as she would deal with it but I honestly could say I did not.

I am feeling on top of the world as I love my wee Mum to pieces and we have a great relationship which I felt was being affected by the 'elephant in the room'. I am super lucky to have such an understanding Mum. When she left she said 'I've had a lovely afternoon pal and always remember I'm here for you and love you more than anything'. Part of me knows that already but the other half of me feels I do not deserve it because of my actions over the past few years.

A Mother's love knows no bounds and that has been truly demonstrated today. I will not ever put myself or my family in this rotten position again and am forever grateful for finding this forum as it has given me the tools to confront my demons.

Take care all and thanks for listening xx

Its mother's day in US today. Another opportunity to tell all our mum's how much we love them. Priceless

That's so lovely...argh...made up for you lovely lady ..xxx

Aww, aren't Mums magnificent! 😉

Being reminded of that unconditional love and support is a real boost when we're going through darker times.

You do deserve your mums love and support. I'm sure she is immensely proud of you xxx

I'm 36 Annie and my mum was the first person I went to Again this time. I hated doing it to her again but I hope she would rather I went to her than tried to deal with it all myself.

I didn't want her to bail me out, I just had to talk to someone. Not sure what I would do without her at times.

Glad to hear it's all still going well for you and well done on 119 days xx

1, 2, 3 easy as.............well, not really easy at all! However, got there with loads of talking, working out what made my gambling clock tick (boredom, greed, addiction, habit, optimism and many more), support from my husband and now my wee Mum, a counsellor who made me think and a bunch of fellow gamblers who really understand, are skint but with huge hearts and big shoulders.

The fight carries on, we cannot become complacent or the evil, which is addiction, will creep back into our lives and absorb our energy and take control again. Power to the people not to the addiction.

Take care all and best wishes on your journey xx

Day 132 in the diary room; the weather is bright but Annie still not feeling too well and has just sat and ate half a tub of ice-cream!

My health could be a lot better and I know if I was still gambling my mental health would be a bigger problem than my physical at the moment. I am happy that I made the decision to kick my addiction into touch, as it has given me more focus on the things which are important to me; my husband, wee girl, family, friends, work and ice-cream!

I've been pottering around reading my old diaries and some new ones too, and the similarities are striking. The main thing being whether or not to tell your partner. I chose not to initially, but since doing so I have felt liberated and relieved. I believe this is the best thing to do but it can take time to find the courage. Only you know your partner, and how they will react, and often the telling of all is guaged on this. The first time I told my husband he started laughing, thinking I was winding him up; the second time, he was upset i did not have the confidence to tell him until things got out of hand. I love him to bits and have not doubt that he feels the same way and it saddens me to see some comparing a gambling addiction to an affair - but each to his own as this world would not be bearable if everyone was the same.

We have a happy house. Our team won the cup, we have a beautiful daughter and wee scraggy dug, after 31 years together we're still in love. In fact, our home has alwyas been happy, it's just a lot happier now.

Take care all on your journey xx