Deep breath and start again

Three weeks today Annie, that's reads good :))

Keep strong and keep positive

Suzanne xxx

Day 21...too excited to for words! Missed posting here yesterday as had a super busy day at work then home, shower, dress up for Christmas night out. I had a fair amount to drink and, in the past this would be my kryptonite; I would crash into a gambling frenzy on my return home until I could hardly keep my eyes open. But instead I came home, had a lovely chat with my daughter and went quietly to my bed. Up nice and refreshed this morning, off to a bit shopping (I managed to pay some bills and have some left over).

The past couple of days have been less tiring, so this is a nice change. I am so pleased that I am keeping 'on the straight and narrow'. I have tried so many times to stop gambling but this time seems different; I think it is because I am posting my diary, I am super focussed and, most importantly the super support from the lovely members of this forum. Bless you all xxx

Well done annie and congratulations on 3 weeks of having your life back !

I agree that it's so nice not to be wrapped up in gambling anymore and get on with life in general , nice to see you so posative.

Best wishes .........................Alan

Thanks for your message Annie, and what a lovely positive last post :))

Hey you can hang on to my tail anytime lol:))

Have a good Sunday.

Suzanne xxx

Day 22. Busy day putting my deccys up. Feeling festive and full of hope for the future. Love to all xx

Hi annie, you must be the star on the tree coz your positivity is shining out ! [ sorry , couldn't resist that one ] as it's a cracker !.

Good job I can only say thing's like that once a year ?.

Have a great , gamble free week !

Day 23, my goodness that seems like such a big number. Definitely up for another 23 and many more.

Had a extra wee shift today and that's a real help with my debt. Had a lovely day too and met a lot of nice people. Came home to a slavering puppy who was very pleased to see me....so much in fact, she peed the floor!!

Popped over to Alan's diary to thank him for his comedic comment and noticed he had remarked on accepptable levels of gambling whilst in recovery. My tuppence worth re levels of gambling in a recovering addict (horrible term but true for me): we are recovering from an addiction we cannot control so why would we want to jeopordise our recovery? If we were the kind of people who could gamble responsibly we would not be on this forum. I have managed to abstain for a length of time and think 'I've got this under control' and think £20 won't hurt and I may get lucky and win the massive jackpot and pay my debt off. And, before you know it I've deposited my wages, maxed out another credit card and the elusive win is nowhere but my mountain of debt is becoming unsurmountable. I certainly am in the all or nothing camp.

Best wishes to all xx

Hi annie , great post by the way , I'm not saying what's right or wrong because there isn't any right or wrong but if you keep putting kindling on a fire to keep it alight, the flames will never go out !.

I used to love dog racing with a passion and there's nothing more I would like than to visit a track over the xmas period or go to Goodwood for a family day out in the summer but I know as hard as it is for me , I've accepted the fact I can never go to either again , one stupid bet after a couple of drinks is all it would take for me to spiral out of control again .

I've tried the cutting down approach , doesn't work for me , I might be good for a couple of day's or a week but eventually I'd be dragged right back in and you know the ending ?.

As for the jokes , I love the way a situation can be made easier to deal with by adding Humor , My old mum once laughed coz I had a car made of spaghetti ! , should have seen her face when I drove pasta ?.

Sorry it will stop !!

Thanks for popping bye !

Have a great gamble free day 24 !

Day 24, another day over and no urges to gamble. Busy day again, using my time wisely whilst not spending much money. Mind you I could do with someone helping me with my ironing, I hate it with a passion, if I had money to spare this would be my chosen luxury, paying for someone to do it. Meanwhile back in the real world I will try to fold as carefully as possible.

Best wishes to all xxx

Day 30 - busy beginning last week then floored with illness so been in bed. Back to doctors tomorrow. Hope I'm better for Santa coming. Just popping in for a couple of minutes then back to bed. Will check in tomorrow if I can be bothered moving!

Take care and best wishes all

Deep breath and start again number 3. Feeling awful as have made an a**e of it again. Whilst I was unwell my laptop packed in and my husband gave me his while I was laid up....big mistake..no gamblock. Anyway got email from gambling site offering me a bonus as my self exclusion period had elapsed. I really thought about deleting it and coming on here to chat but greed got the better of me but after 4 weeks of frenzied gambling I have hit rock bottom. Very little money and less respect for myself. I was doing so well, so I thought but I was not being honest to myself and creating an environment of support as I did/have not told my husband and only told my best friend (and even at that only a smidgen of the truth).

I have now self excluded for the maximum 5 years but will phone the company tomorrow to request permanent exclusion. I will tell my husband and give him his laptop back. I will call the counsellor again (she has let me down the 3 times she was meant to call me but I have hope). Finally I will get my debt organised = I have a good income but that means diddly when you squander your money and have a mountain of debt; I plan to arrange a debt repayment plan which should give me some breathing space and the monies will be paid off as soon as I can manage it.

I will be posting like mad on here. Happy for anyone to read and/or comment but equally happy just to get it all out and down on virtual paper. On the bright side I have been offered a job with more hours and hourly rate but does not start until summer, and that should help chisel away the debt.

annie signing off on day 0

Annie signing back on briefly; I have emailed the counsellor and explained I was really struggling and need support and advice, so hopefully she should get back to me soon.

Annie,

Sorry to hear that temptation was waved at you, not helpful but it is possible to say no!

Going forward, what are you going to do differently to keep the triangle broken and to deal with urges and triggers? Have you had external support from counselling and GA? And how come you were able to access an unblocked device without supervision? If you need more support from your husband and family, tell them so.

SE can and should be permanent, don't accept less. Admittedly I dealt with this on my husband's behalf; he signed letters that I wrote quoting his name, postal and email addresses, date of birth, passwords and account numbers, asking for permanent SE and that other than to confirm it, no future contact by any means. Once posted, these letters did the trick and there's no going back.

Wish you well,

CW

Welcome back Annie, sorry to read that you slipped back into the grip of this horrible addiction,

If at first we don't succeed we try again and again if necessary, well done on not giving up on giving up.

I hope your councillor gets in touch today,.

Keep strong and stay focused.

Suzanne xxx

Welcome back annie xx