DГ©sormais......

Hey you know what Ade? Ramble as much as you need to. We are all here trying to figure this thing out. This is a safe place to get it out of our heads and onto cyber paper. And, if you need some extra help then go and get some. There are alot of folks on here me included who believe that success on this journey means taking all of the help that is available out there. I'm not very good at asking for help but, I am getting better at it. Anyway. Am here and supporting you pal. -joanxxx

P.s. I'm not having a stellar day either. And, am pretty down on myself for not being as you said 'happy as Larry' ( that did make me smile though) Hugs Ade. We don't have to figure it all out in a day.

Ade

fella through abstinence i gained a brutal honesty toward life. A different way to live, not to be confused by my it's my way or the highway existence i had through my gambling life.

But an honest view of life.if we cannot afford something there is no shame in it, we can save if its worth it, if we don't want to attend a function we politely decline, we communicate with everyone, try to plan and make the best of what we have.

Through gambling i thought the only way was to throw all you had at everything.

Funny the best days have come for little or no cost but always maximum effort.

Recovery is bespoke my friend, find a way that works.

Bottom line is through abstinence we have nothing to lose.

Something i relish.

Keep digging, your treasure is there like me i believe its just buried under all those spent betting slips.

With honour and integrity.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Ade,

I dont frequent these pages all that often these days but when I do I always take time out to see how you are doing.

That was a brilliant post well worth sharing about how gambling takes over our minds.

However whilst it is wonderful to have a house valued at that price (and with your mortgage as it is) it is maybes worth sparing a thought for those fellow gamcarers who LOST their properties as well as families through this awful addiction.

It is great to read that you are still as determined as ever to fight and beat this.

I will update my diary at some point but I can honestly say life is not all that rosey even after my continued abstainence but what I do know is that it could be a helluva lot worse if I was still fighting them gambling gremlins.

Best wishes

Winning post.

Yo,

I think it would be wrong of me to comment on marriage or no marriage as my view is obviously a bit tainted at the moment lol

What a fantastic achievement over the house , but as I have followed your DIY diary it comes as no surprise .

After the blood sweat and tears you put into it . Well maybe not tears but you know what I mean . Recon putting in that shiny towel rack must of increased the price by at least 50k. He he

I hope today you are feeling a bit more optimistic , keep your chin up my dear friend .

Stay strong

Shiny xxx

Hi Ade. That post from another site is just great and I think everyone here should read it. I have been over 6 months gamble free but had some urges last week and reading that makes my determination to stay free stronger again.

About your last post I can totally understand those feelings. I mean thinking I should be happy but can't maintain it and some relationship issues too...thinking if I would be better alone or in serious relationship since at the moment I have something not so serious. Those kind of situations can really mess your head when you don't know what would be the best solution and what problems affects which or vice versa etc. But great thing about this site is that there is so much support available and so many great people in similar situations.

Keep strong!

Ade

Sorry I know this may not go down well with you and others but I have to type this as the annoyance is raging inside me...

For myself and I believe many other compulsive gamblers the scenario you describe of a house worth £435,000 with only a £70k mortgage is simply NOT POSSIBLE.

Property is the easiest asset to borrow money against. Anyone with so much equity in the house is acceptable for borrowing for a huge amount and a compulsive gambler would borrow as much as possible when funds run dry.

You may have a gambling problem and be committed to trying to control or stop, but your financial property situation means for me you are not a compulsive gambler.

Thanks Joan, Duncs, wp, Shiny, Jer and Captain for your posts.

Been busy at work today. No time to think about gambling, or don't feel the need to escape to the gambling bubble today.

Some days I do, some days I don't.

Keep strong all

Ade

Ade

my friend i read your post yesterday and took a completely different view from captains view.

I saw it as a very honest post at your total frustration at struggling to understand why you have the illness that is compulsive gambling.

You have without doubt worked very hard at life and should be proud of your status.

But the fact that you once gamble lose your rational self and follow the same destructive pattern we all do.

I cannot win because i cannot stop.

And even with this knowledge you return to feed your addiction, this for me is without doubt compulsive gambling

the same pattern i myself lived with for twenty years before i found abstinence.

Is my compulsion not bad enough because i stopped and didn't lose my wife, family and house??

One thing i will say and from the bottom of my heart.

This forum has no room for competition, we are all here for one reason to learn from each other to abstain.

Please don't feel lesser about your recovery.

I have shared your pain, addiction and lets focus on what is important.

Recovery.

With strength and honour.

And my utmost respect.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Ade,

fantastic post from you and also a very brave last post also, its always difficult when we have to admit to ourselves something perhaps we have always known , but the hardest step for me was the admission, because you dont have to fight that anymore its out there, you have like rach says dumped some of the trash.

I also wont comment on what is right for you in terms of your marriage only you know that and deep down you do know the answer.

Keep dumping the trash ade the truth will ultimatly set you free.

take care

Blondie x

Hi Ade

Just also to echo Ms B ...and also can see youre digging deep to find answers...I guess there are pros and cons to married and single life and no one can tell you whats right or wrong ....

Just wanted to say that financially we all have different backgrounds and different loan arrangements ...my situ is not straightforward which is why I dont have the option to go bankcrupt as there are other interested parties that i am legally bound to despite also having a house with capital in it...if I were a gambler I could not use capital even if I wanted to ...just thougt id mention that to support you .

Keep dumping xxxx R and D xx

Just wondering - do you have any gambling debts? Or do you only bet with money you can afford to lose?

Thanks for the supportive posts Duncs, Blondie and R and D.

I have ammended one of my previous posts with regard to the value of my property.

The post in question only mentioned this figure as it was in the context of the post that I was writing at the time. It was relevant to me, my recovery journey and a point I was trying to make.

I believe this to be an honest open forum. A forum where an individual can write about ones life experiences without being judged by others.

Just because I have not perhaps hit the low lows that other compulsive gamblers have does not mean that I have less of a problem.

Before gambling became a problem for me, I was a hard working sport-loving sociable bloke who had many friends and was committed to making something of myself.

I bought a flat, sold it, bought a house and got married, had kids, bought a bigger house, etc.....

Somewhere along the line (most probably after the birth of my second daughter) life was not so much fun.

I began to exist rather than live. I stopped doing things that I enjoyed, mainly football and golf. I lost touch with friends. My wife became happy with her lot and our relationship became more brother and sister than husband and wife.

I think that the thrill and rush that gambling can bring was something that I found was a way I could get a high. Sad as it sounds. Even if I lost, i'd had the rush.

Coming on this forum in the first place was a cry for help. This is my third diary, and I still can't get it right. I am not in denial or even deluded enough to think I can beat the system or control my gambling.

I had a good recovery day today. One day at a time I will beat this.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

I'm just glad that I realised that before I sank any lower.

I reached my own personal low and that was bad enough for me.

Keep strong all

Ade

Yo,

Great post , respect my friend !!

Shiny xxxx

Very honest post Ade, I can relate to it all. Good luck with your recovery, keep strong.

Steve

Hi Ade ....

Thanks for popping in and glad I gave you a chuckle .....lol ....

Im no expert as we know but if its anything like the rooms of AA its not for others to judge if you have a compulsive gambling problem...its whether you think you have.

You have the right to post whatever you like on your own diary without explanation , I sure as hell do...

Having said that for purely selfish reasons it is nice to build a picture of people on here and now I can imagine all the work and years you have put into building a fantastic home ..

R and D xxx