Diary

It is good to see that you are still with us lisa. Although it is a shame you entered the raffle, you have been honest about it. Picking yourself up after a fall takes courage and you still have a desire to stop gambling.

The start of 2019 can be the start of a new life for you, free from gambling. A new beginning, a fresh start and a new adventure to be lived.

I wish you peace, contentment and happiness as you continue on your journey ....stephen

Sorry to hear you had a relapse Lisa. It can be difficult to remove ourselves from all blue avenues of gambling that’s for sure. I don’t use Facebook so wasn’t aware of that being used for such things. I hope your bout of flu is over soon. Scott

thankyou so so much for your kind words- they mean so much more than you can imagine, Stephen I think you’re right about a new beginning in 2019 - hoping this really happens for me!

So ive come to realise that I don’t even feel happy when I win, I just feel guilt guilt guilt and slightly relieved. A guilty greedy pig to be precise. Usually I take all my money out the bank and put it in my purse so that I can’t play but I got paid a few days early unexpectedly and wasn’t out at a cash machine because of this flu (wondering if I’m making excuses here) although having a relapse I’m not in too bad a mood as from a financial point of view I only lost winnings where as it could have went so wrong - imagine I spent all my pay and spent my holidays in bed crying with anxiousness like I have in the past?! All gone with not a pot to P**s in. It scares me how close I was to possibly letting that happen. £60 wasted could have easily been £600 if I didn’t stop myself.

Thankfully I spent Xmas money I got from family on nice clothes and makeup and things I’ve been after. Really want to go to the pet shop and get my dog a new collar, tag and lead as I still have £50 left and don’t want to end up wasting a single penny of it. I was thinking about putting it towards debt but I’m already paying £400 a month out in debts and paid an extra £20 already with some tip money I got at work this month but will maybe pay another tenner or whatever’s left after getting some things for my dog.

I’ve come to realise if I don’t spend every penny I have on actual stuff/doing things/meals I end up wasting it so I seem to be buying loads of stuff then keeping just enough for food and bills and that is all. Need to try and put money into a savings account.

Was 13 days GF- now 0 again 🙁 sad to see but no point in lying to myself. Here’s to a GF 2019 and being debt free in 7 months time

In a really bad mood as all my shifts this weekend have been cancelled because the hotel I work at for my second job is dead. I expected to be getting paid from there on the 14th and I’m probably only going to get 3-4 hours of pay now which is like £20. I only kept enough money for food and petrol to last me until the 14th as I had all these shifts and now I have almost nothing until the 28th. I can’t stop crying 🙁

Hi Lisa, just wanted to tell you to hang in there. I know it seems bleak, but you will cope, I am in a similar situation now and am taking solace from reading success stories at the moment! Working through this will make us both stronger. X

Hi Lisa, try and keep your chin up. Whatever you do, do not try and gamble to make more money, you will end up worse off in the end. Do you have a boyfriend that could maybe help you out with some money for petrol and food, or any family? Don’t let this get you down and in a place where you want to gamble. I relapsed over Xmas so I know how you feel but you have to pick yourself up and go again. Don’t let it beat you. You can be GF this year, I want to be back on here is a years time with 365 days next to my name. Take care

Hey, thanks for your kind words. I’ve told my boyfriend I don’t have a lot of money left this month because of my shifts being cancelled so we will just be careful with shopping etc. He’s ok but can see he is disappointed as I make good money and rarely have anything to show for it so it looks like I waste it all, He doesn’t know about what I’ve been through gambling wise so I can’t say too much. I feel awful as he has worked so hard for the past 5-6 years for us to have a beautiful home, cars and got me my dog who I absolutely live for for my Christmas last year and he cost him over £1000 and I’ve let them both down so so much which is why I’m trying to get myself out of this mess. For being 26 we look like we have done so well but I’ve just let it all down and ruined it.

I’m annoyed at myself cos I had plenty of money this month but and spent it all on clothes and things because I was expecting my wages it’s not like I’ve done it on purpose or wasted it gambling 🙁 I’ve got one thing I haven’t worn that’s still in the bag with the receipt so I will take that back and get my £12 back. When I first had a gambling problem I took £500 from my mum and only paid £150 back, she’s told me to leave the rest as she is making plenty of money just now so I don’t like to ask her for money. I’ve got £600 of a £1500 bank loan left to pay off and £120 from a £1200 loan I borrowed from my auntie left to pay off so my aunties one will be finished on the 1st of feb! And my bank loans last payment is the 1st of July so I just need to push through this last 7 months of the worst year of my life then I will be ok. Getting there slowly I suppose 🙁

That is exactly the way to look at it - months of paying back debt and think how you'lo feel! You're on the right track,, just keep going!

Thanks so much lill, I just had a quick look at your own post. I’ve found that when I’m lookin at my phone doing nothing I look for ways to gamble so whenever it happens I give myself a row and put my coat and shoes on and walk my dog round the block in a huff or I come straight here and start reading. I wish I could take away everyone’s addiction and misery 🙁 I was running myself into the ground in the summer with working so much so I’m glad for a rest but have severe anxiety about lack of money now. Almost bought a raffle ticket for £10 hence why I’m here, telling myself off again

No point going to bed with my head buzzing, I’m going to write down how much money I have left, What I need to buy and what food shopping I’m going to get for next week then maybe be able to turn my brain off.

Lisa my heart goes out to you it really does.

We are gambling addicts which I know sounds ridiculous but that's the reality of the situation.

1/ Draw a line under it and be prepared to move on and live a gamble free life, whatever it takes.

2/ Be open and honest to your loved ones about your gambling addiction and seek help from them in looking after your finances. Its good to talk. At this early stage in your recovery it is preferable to have little or no access to money, whenever that is possible.

3/ Bear in mind that self exclusion from gambling establishments can make it difficult to gamble.

4/ The general view is that money matters can be resolved over time providing one stops gambling.

If we start trying to balance the books by juggling money around in our heads than as likely as not the addiction will tell us we can get sort it all out by winning money gambling. We all know its absolutely ridiculous but we fall into the trap time and time again. That is one good reason why we need to make it as difficult as possible for us to gamble.

Sorry if i'm preaching, its just that it makes me sad to think of all the suffering, sadness and trauma you have to endure alone. You are a loving, caring lady who works hard. You shouldn't have to struggle to make ends meet. Take care ...stephen

Morning Lisa, hope you managed to get some peace. These first few months I think will be the hardest. Scrambling around for spare bits of cash, but I know that Self Sufficient is right, the more we do this the harder it will be as gambling always seemed the answer! Having a baking day today.... that should occupy me now!

Thankyou both so much,

I can’t gamble online as I’m signned up to GameStop, have you done that yet lil? It’s these illegal Facebook raffles that are pulling me in so that’s where I slip up.

So I asked my auntie this morning if I can have the payment I made to her last week back and be another 1 month behind paying of my debt. So if she says yes I will be totally fine this month for shopping/petrol. I’m going out for dinner later for my mums birthday and thankfully I bought her present when I got paid so I have that and her partner is paying for the meal so no worries there.

What are you baking today :)? Do you have any plans for later? I’m just starting my housework just now, a fresh house always makes me feel happy.

Hello Lisa. I wish you a lovely evening celebrating your mum's birthday.

Thankyou for posting kind words on my diary, it was good of you to visit.

I do like your distraction therapy whereby you do something constructive like dog walking, baking and housework to combat the gambling urges. I tend to go to the gym for the same reason. To be perfectly honest there is no shortage of good things to do so there is really no need whatsoever to gamble. I sincerely believe that 2019 will be a good year for you, me, lil and many other gamcare friends. Now is an ideal time to walk away from gambling and never look back...stephen