Diary 1st entry, Repeatedly letting down everyone who has supported me.....one day ill lose everything

Yo Lee

I havent as of yet mate but i think i will, i just know all the bar staff so well that i dont want to look like a real k**b saying 'i want to bar myself from playing this machine'

I actually have a dinner down there tonight but im with all the boys and none of them gamble so i wont be playing it cause i dont like people who dont know see me gamble if you know what i mean?

Ive had a good today, had urges as per usual but fought them off

Im trying to get out of the 'you lapsed so just gamble' mindframe

Im also really struggling with the fact that when i spend my money tonight i dont have a penny until December 10th

The money mates have lent me have gone to pay bills i needed paid but im going to be in a £0 position after tonight.

The gf is always willing to help but i hate asking and it puts a strain on her, she knows i will have no money after tonight so i hope shes ok helping me out, i literally wont have a penny......

Although in fairness even if i hadnt of gambled on Tuesday i wouldnt have had a penny after tonight anyway so i knew that was always going to be the case even if i was still clean

Dont you let your bad day P*** you off, your doing amazing, better than i have so keep her rocking on big lad!

You won't look like a **** asking to bar yourself from playing that machine. I am sure that they have had other people asking to do the same.

If they want to keep your custom (and I don't mean the fruit machine takings) then they will carry out your request. If not then is it really the right place for you to go to?

Just my thoughts, hope they help.

GT

Ryan,

I am sorry to hear about your recent slip.

As I've said to people before, while gambling again is really bad, you need to put your lapse into context...

Going 'cold turkey' (bit of a stupid expression but hey) is a very hard way to give up anything. You need to be realistic about your recovery. Don't just say 'ah well' but equally don't start thinking 'I really suck', take the middle ground and the positive out of this: you are only human, you realise your mistake and how hard this is to beat so you now realise you must be on guard to a whole new level.

To put it in context, I think about the comparrison with smoking. If a smoker had a cigarette after a few days, a week or two of quitting smoking he would not be shunned by society. So why is this the case for gamblers? OK so the smoker's slip will cost much less money but both are addictions and should be viewed as such.

Keep vigilant, keep reading/posting on others diaries and most of all keep posting.

Best,

Elite

Ryan, how did your weekend go? I hope you had fun and I hope it was gamble free! Please give us an update.

Hi all

As always thanks for all your supportive posts, its always a great help and support

Well ive got days 3,4 and 5 out of the way again gamble free.

I had a flat out busy weekend, i had a couple of dinners to attend, lots of golf to play and time with my gf so being so busy i had no thoughts, and i litereally mean no thoughts on gambling so that was good!

Elite you make a lot of sense, i had a slip.....and im not proud or happy about it...but i didnt follow it up with more gambling

At this point in time that is once gambling session in 19 days, which isnt as good as no gambling sessions but its a hell of a lot better than i was doing before. Id like my 167 back but its gone and thats just the way it is, and its not a lot compared to past losses.

Weekends tend not to be my problem, im very very busy at the weekends and have no alone time usually.

During the week is the real issue, working on the road and having a lot of local calls and badically working my own hours means i can do whatever i like during the day, everyon else is working...ive no distractions.....no nothing

Hence why i am more likely to slip up during the week.

However ill aim not too, this weekend i didnt even feel like a gambler, i havent thought once about it.....so i dont need it

Heres to a sucessful gamble free week everyone

Good luck

Hey Ryan,

How's things? It's good to see some positivity creeping back in to your latest update. I'm convinced it's this mind set which will see you through in the end.

This is easy for me to say as I can't even gamble if I wanted to, but - you can do this, you know you can.

Regards

J72

Yo James

Im good mate, onto day 6 and feeling more positive again now.

Yes that horrible feeling that you get when you lose seems to disappear from the mind when we go without gambling for a while

I cannot seem to get the feeling into my body before i gamble after that time. I wish i just had a switch that if i was about to gamble could just turn that losing feeling on and id be like....i really dont want that!!

Until i work out how to do that ill just try and stay on the straight and narrow!! lol

🙂

Keep it up Ryan!

Thanks Elite!

Tell me this....do you ever forget your a gambling addict when you havent gambled for a long time?

I have found tthat in the past when ive stopped for long periods that you almost forget you gamble at all

And i know how dangerous that is. Its almost like the feeling of disgust you get when you gamble 1000s and lose never exists......but you remmeber it when it happens!

Let me know your thoughts, id be very interested to hear how you deter yourself when you have gone a long time without

Hi Ryan,

Glad your back posting more regular mate, keep it up, one day at a time is all it takes.

Stay strong.

Lee

Cheers Lee!

Day 6

No gambling today. No real urges, busy day, another week gone tomorrow, should be pretty busy, should keep me out of trouble!

🙂

Day 7

No gambling today, no real urges. Cant believe its been 7 days since my slip up

I have to be nice and positive, ive gambled ONCE in 21 days....thats an acheivement in itself.

I am not proud that i slipped but 167 is gone and i cant do anything about it, it could have been worse and i could have taken borrowed money to gamble my way out of it which i have done countless times in the past.

But i didnt, and thats given me a positive feeling and a fresh perspective.

I hope to continue to fight urges, fill my days with lots of activities and maybe the desire will go away for the future.

Hard work ahead.

Good luck everyone

🙂

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/…hc/Moving_On_Series_3_Punter/

The link above was posted by Pellekanin on his site a few days ago.

Its a BBC documentary about a compulsive gambler and how it ruins his life

I urge everyone on this site to watch it if you havent already

Im sure you will feel like i and many other gamblers did after they watched it

Love to hear your feedback!

Yo

Day 8 no gambling

Thats another day out of the way.

The video i posted above.....i watched it for the second time this morning, its a harsh reminder of how i and every gambler has felt after they have won, then lost....then spiriled out of control

I spent a lot of the day thinking about that video and its consequences. It does make me sick when i think about it

One of the parts that hit home is how PATHETIC i have looked to other people over the years as i gambled and lost and gambled and lost and borrowed like a desperate man and gambled some more

How people are saying behind my back 'wow he needs help' and im just going along ignoring how pathetic i look

I dont want to look pathetic, im 29 with a great job, a great gf and a great life (when i dont gamble)

I dont need to look like a shambles and a liability to friends and to people i dont even know

Please everyone watch the documentary...its really worthwhile

I might watch it again and again to rememeber that i dont want to be like that anymore

Good luck everyone

Day 9

No Gambling today

Absolutely hectic day, im so knackered, not a single thought of gambling though

Probably due to being so busy!