Diary of a familiar tale

Hi Paul,

Thanks so much for listening and for being there. Meant alot to me. We can beat this addiction you know.. I believe we really can.

-joan

Day 32

Target 43

Thanks Joan, you are right, together we can do this, there is strength in unity and compassion.

Huge urges today, have to pay some bills, just thinking I can easily win that money. Yeah right I can also easily continue to throw my life away, remove myself from the 2013 thread on day 1, idiot! Thankfully I took the right choice, walked on and paid those bills. Poor but content, that is what I am aiming for at the moment.

I have to be honest and say that with my record I can't imagine going through the whole of 2013 gamble free so I am just going to break it down into manageable chunks. The thread is going to be a real focus for me and the check in date coincides with the 1st birthday of my diary so a nice double target to have and to work towards.

Stay safe and strong.

Paulds

Still day 32

Unusual for me to post twice in a day but have those thoughts going round my head, it is a buzzing so decided to do a mini review of the year.

My target is to get to 13 january gamble free, this means i will have spent 305 gamble free days since last Jan 13th 2012.

Gambling days in one year = 60, wow that is soo many and includes 6/7 slips. Mind you i really didn't think i would even be able manage one day gamble free in the begining.

Financially i have paid £4500 worth of debts reducing them to £17,000. My initial estimate of debts was mistakenly £15,000 so that kind of feels like i am still at square one, feels like a snakes and ladders game and I just got off the tail of a long snake. I also gambled away about £3000 meaning I could have saved £7500.

Original debt free target = 1460 days

days until target = 1105

A lot to think about for 2013 but just going to take it day by day, i am not going to obsess about this, it will get paid, I will live frugally and that is that.

Lets enjoy life, it is easier said than done of course but we can but try.

Paulds

Paul, well done for resisting those urges. It makes sense to look at the positives. You asked me How does it feel?

Here is my answer

www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fLn9Z1G_LE

Keep that chin up and head held high my friend.

You are not alone, I am watching and rooting for you.

Love Ian x

Day 33 gamble free

Day 43 = target

Hey Ian great to know you are out there watching over us, you have become a Gamcare Guru. Great tune, I feel better, it is true, very uplifting.

I feel good, but I knew that I would...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzlpTRNIAvc

Those horrible urges are like a dark cloak that envelopes me and with each breath its grip gets tighter. But now i am stronger I can fight back,my arms can wrestle free and my hand comes up and shakes its fist and says no, not today, i am not the man I was last year, I am the man I was before those urges ever existed. There was such a time and I can live again.

Paulds

Hi mate. Thanks for the post cant believe our diaries are gonna a year old. Forgot about that to be honest. We may not be a year gamble free but we've both certainly a lot wiser and more importantly were still here and haven't forgot what our goal is and we will get there. Really feel this years gonna be great for so many of us.

Day 34

target = Day 43

Another day another battle won, urges yesterday were horrendous, the gambling demon was rattling aorund in his box under the stairs and I could hear him calling. Could not sleep with the guilt and emptiness that exists, nothing can be done now just stride forward arm in arm with other diarists, stride on we must and stride on we will.

I think this is the January blues! Best thing for it is some music....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJQ1IdFlgv4

Stay strong and safe everyone, it can't rain forever.

Paulds

Hi Paulds,

I'm listening. Love Dylan's lyrics .. always have. Yup, pretty grey outside here as well. So sorry to hear about those lousy gambling urges. Same bit happens to me. I'm not giving in and neither are you! Hang in there Paul. -joan

Well Congrats on your days and keep up the good work.

well done Paul

Keep racking them days up, the target will get nearer and you will become stronger

day 35

Target day 43

Thanks again guys for the comments on my diary, we are all in this together, the more untied we are the stronger we are.

I am feeling very down at the moment and I know times like these are the worst as the gambling demon senses weakness and I start to think 'well I feel really bad anyway so gambling wont make a difference'...

But it does, it kills us slowly from the inside, leaves us walking around as shells of the people we used to be. I can't and wont give in, not today, just ODAAT, today i am in charge I CHOOSE not gamble.

Good luck everyone on your journey and stay safe and strong

Paulds

Hiya Paul,

Was just great to hear from you, thanks for such a lovely message 🙂

So pleased you are still here and fighting the good fight as we say, and I hope you are not feeling tooo down today. Music has played a big part in my recovery, here's one of my recovery songs and hope it gives you a wee lift like it has done for me on my down days.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzGV9Bl6CGg

Keep the chin up friend 🙂

Love Del

Ps. Fabulous song you put on Sadg's thread, never heard it before. Love it!

Hi Paulds,

Just checking in and hoping that all is well with you my friend. We know that gambling is nothing but a crock! We can do this! -joanxxx

keep staying strong cuse your doing great.

know what ya mean when ya say your feeling down and whats the difference. guess ya find the difference can be huge when ya give in and had a big dose of that the last time i gambled. yeah never know what will come knocking on your door step when ya walk out broken and yeah can easily find your more broken than ya thought. lol boy gotta say this seems like the longest wait till pay day i ever had and still got another 10 days to wait. sure didnt plan on taking in others when i have little to give and hell feels like a burden i dont need right now. lol dam guess ill get through it cause really dont have a choice. lol

congrats on your days.