Diary of a familiar tale

Hello. Been a while mate. Don't be a stranger. Hope all is well. Take care and hope to hear from ya soon.

In two days I will be 6 months gamble free.

I am still here fighting and never going to give up, I am not thinking about 2 days time, just want to get to the end of today.

I have not been around the forums as have been trying hard to avoid all forms of thinking about gambling, I was becoming obsessed with my recovery, now I am just going to try to enjoy it. My better half still checks my bank statements each month, I now have my bank card back, I go to GA when I can and I have You. By You I mean all the people who have posted on my diary and all the people who have posted on their own diaries too, Gamcare was where my recovery started I will never forget how useful and heartwarming it has been and that is why I will still pop in now and again.

Never going to give up and never going to give up posting.

Paulds

Well hey thanks for poping by my thread. Glad to hear your doing so well and 6 months gamble free is awesome. Keep up the good fight.

Hey Paulds,

Fantastic achievement!! Day at a time that's what you need to concentrate on...It will get easier..

Be proud!

Sandra x

Thats great to read mate. Massive congrats on the 6 months and well done for doing so well. You gotta do whats right for you mate be that a daily post, a weekly post or just now and than, as you need to, you have you other blocks and tools in place and your doing what you need to do, great stuff. Ive decided to do another thread if you fancy it. Starting november, 90 days again and details will be up on sunday. But as ive just said you need to do what you need to do, whatevers best for your recovery so no worries if you give it a miss. Thanks for the post on my diary and we have been through a lot in our time here and i think its kinda scary that its coming up to 2 years now. I just wish id have had the strength to stop then but not to be and cant worry about that now. Were still heading in the right direction and thats the main thing - we will get there. Take care mate and i wish you all the best.

189 days gamble free,

thanks for all your support it really has helped, the people on this site never cease to amaze me with their support.

I am still not thinking too far ahead, even tomorrow seems a long way off. Getting through today will be a major achievement and I will put all my energies into it.

I still have strong urges, they do not go away, they happen less often but they do not go away.

The bookies try and call me in like sirens on the rocks but I will resist, I have to resist.

Just for today, I will not gamble.

Paulds

Great post Paul, and congrats on 6months.

Your determination shines through, and inspires others in here. I always find it re-assuring to hear of people who don't find that instant release - who might not have has some drastic 'epiphany' moment but just keep plugging away and doing the right things.

Keep up the good work pal.

D123

Sounds like a very determind post paulds. It makes great reading. Thats what we need to do and its a handy reminder for myself as im probably coasting a bit to much of late, still posting but not really giving each day credit and havent been saying to myself i will not gamble today, ive just been hoping i wont i guess but thats just complacency and i will kick my a**e a little and focus once more. Well done on the 6 months+ thats really something to be proud of and if you take each day as you said in your last post you'll keep adding to those numbers and before you know it youll be closing in on a year gamble free but as you said no need to look to far ahead just live for today and enjoy the fact you are gamble free and doing great, nice one. Thanks for joining the thread, im really looking forward to it, be great to have you on board and we can both see in the new year gamble free and as you mention celerate the 2 years of our gamcare diaries.

Day 195 gamble free

days until debt free 813

counting down from 1460

Thanks Dave and D123

Every day spent not gambling is a victory, most things in my life are a mess. Not living in a place I want to live, not doing what I want to do, haunted by debts run up through 18 years of gambling, guilt attacking me on every corner and a bookies calling me constantly. But you know what it would be a million times worse if I was gambling.

I am not looking too far ahead, just until tomorrow day 196. At two hundred I may raise a glass to all those who have helped on gamcare and to fellow sufferers everywhere. I am fighting each and every day as if it was my last, there is no other way, no easy solution,

keep positive when all we want to do is bemoan our lives.

stand tall when all we want to do is hide under the duvet

help others where and when we can and don't try to change the world only ourselves.

Stay safe and strong, together we can do this.

Paulds

Well good for you and may them days just keep piling up on ya. Here's to 200 cause I know your gonna see it. Cheers

Thanks so much for your post, I really appreciate it.

196 days is a fantastic achievement, you can bevvery proud as we all on here know it is not easy.

You are right to Mark 200 days, each and every milestone should be celebrated.

I will his 100 days in early jan and I plan on marking it with a nice evening out with my wonderful wife

Day 196 gamble free

days until debt free 812

counting down from 1460

Thanks Soul, thanks Pat.

I got through yesterday and now on to today, that is the only target, to get through today.

I love counting the days although now I don't focus on long term goals. One day I will be debt free, it will happen when it happens, it may seem a log way off but so does this evening.

Take care of the days and the weeks and months will take care of themselves.

Had a strong urge to bet on the football yesterday, I still miss it, I would have won, so cursed the fact I am a CG and can't have a normal bet.

In reality though I won, what is more important, on one side we have my:

sanity

trust

finances

relationship

family

mental health

physical health

job

recovery programme

gamcare

house

debt free dream

holiday dream

savings

on the other side we have placing a bet on Accrington Stanley.

madness

Stay safe and strong

Paulds

Paul,

Thanks so much for dropping in on my diary mate - means a lot. Awesome work on 200(?) days gamble-free... I presume this is now the case.

Great post above by the way. It is SO SO important to keep reminding ourselves of the positives in our lives. I also relate to kicking yourself over not being able to bet sensibly... last week I was watching Palace on telly when they went 1-0 up against Fulham. I had a sneaking suspicion Fulham would still batter them (even though it contradicted all the form / stats) so I had a look at 4-1. 66/1 - and I fancied it so much I sent a txt to a friend who ended up backing it.

But that's life! I spent all of 30 seconds kicking myself / wishing I'd had money on. The thousands of tips that don't come in are instantly forgotten. More importantly though... if I'd gambled and won, I would have given it all back and much, much more in due course. No doubt my dignity, self-worth, sanity probably would have gone in the process.

In fact... the things I would have probably jeopardised are listed in your post (above).

Keep up the good work pal

D123

Day 229 Gamble free,

776 days until debt free counting down from

1460

I am so happy not to be gambling, there are so many other major issues going on in my life and most of them negative but at the end of everything there is the possibility of a no gambling day if I really want there to be. Often I will lie in bed and worry incessantly but then finally I smile as it has been a day without bets. That is all I can do, I can't speak about tomorrow, tomorrow could be a disaster, let's just get through today. There are urges and they come daily all I can do is fight the good fight and not put that first bet on.

My life is not great but do you know what I now have a life and that wasn't the case in the past when I was gambling, I was a shell of a man but now I exist again.

Stay safe and strong this week

Paulds

Day 232 gamble free

773 until debt free

One more day to fight today and that is all, temptation is around and I feel emotionally weak. I have been thinking about the story I heard of a man who was 18 years gamble free and then just walked into a casino after all that time and proceeded to lose what little he had. It just shows it can strike at any time and without warning.

This fight will never end, I will never recover. It seems tough but actually compared to gambling it is a bed of roses

Paulds