Diary of a familiar tale

Day 3

1458 until debt free.

Not sure that 4 years is realistic about paying off the debts but going to have this as a target anyway.

Just taking it day by day no more, today I will not gamble, that is my only aim. Am starting to catch up with diaries, so many stories, all of the slightly different but with similar themes. We are all walking the same road, together we can do this.

Stay safe and strong

Paulds

Dear Paul,

Many thanks for your post. It means so much.

I typed a long reply yesterday but accidentally deleted it all and had to get back to work!

Your level of debt is very similar to mine and the timeframe for repayment is likewise similar.

I am worried that you said your debt was crippling. Have you had any advice in this regard? I am one who knows - having been in debt since I was 18 - long before my gambling days. Conversely I think the debt led to gambling and not the other day around although as you can imagine gambling made this tonnes worse and I wish my debt was at the pre-gambling days level!

You have probably heard all the debt management talk before but in this day and age there is not much stigma attached to these and no one should be incrippling debt. Happy to help where I can.

Best wishes,

Markman

1457 days until debt free

Day 4 gf

Thanks Markman for your thoughtful post, it is very helpful. I deal with company finances from my own account- not the best person to be doing this! If they found out I would lose my job. I am going to speak to the bank and various loan companies to see if I can spread payments. Hopefully credit card payments will reduce slowly month on month. I am alive again and facing my responsibilities. Just for today I will not gamble.

Paulds

Hi Paulds,

Just had a read through a bit of your diary and am sorry to hear that gambling got hold of you again. However well done on coming back to Gamcare.

I had very big debts and sorted them out only to relapse and am now in double the amount I was the first time, almost £60k. All of mine was on credit cards. If you are paying interest give them a call and ask them to freeze the interest and reduce the payments, you'll be amazed at how helpful they can be. I'm now in a debt management programme however I think what Markman says....."Conversely I think the debt led to gambling and not the other day around" .... is very true and applied to me too.

I started gambling heavily to pay off debts which I had accumulated from being young and stupid. After a while I didn't care about the debts, it was all about the gambling. So my advice would be not to worry about how long it is going to take you to pay it off. It'll take as long as it takes and the more you worry about it the more likely you will be looking to find a way to pay it off quicker. Fair enough set an amount aside every month to pay them off but just forget about how long it'll take, it's not worth worrying about. It's gonna take me about 4000 days to pay mine back, if I was counting down from there I'd go mental mate.

And of course, get all of the blocks in place, and if there is someone that can look after your finances go for it. The more help the better. Gambling came so close to killing me and if I go back I'll end up dead. Concentrate on how many days you have been away from gambling, its much more satisfying.

Good luck to you on your recovery.

PA

Hi Paulds.

Just wanted to say welcome back. You have proven that you can abstain for a good period of time and I am sure you can do this again for even longer, as long as you want to. I am recently back here, after going 2 years and 6 months g.f so my target now, is to go past this. I don't want to think about this too much however, as it can feel quite daunting so for now, I think it's good to just concentrate on one day at a time. This might be something that may be helpful for you too?

Take care and look after yourself.

Our Lady

Hi Paul,

Just seen your reply above. Reading between the lines I can see why a DMP may not be the answer. I hope the companies are considerate in responding to your request. You are doing the right thing by speaking to them. As Lady says - one day at a time. You know the drill. Stay strong and try to remember that things will automatically get better if you stay clean.

Markman - not a robot

Day 6 gamble free

1455 until debt free

Feeling more positive as managed to resist for another day. I just have to get through today that is all.

Thank you to proundarab, our lady and markman, some very wise and helpful advice. You are right PA if we think about how long it will take to pay off our debts it will drive us insane, no point in looking too far forward. I just want to get through today that is all. I have the debt countdown but don't think about it, just a goal for today, let's reduce the number tomorrow. Our Lady, odaat is our mantra, we have done it before we can do it again, let's not think about the past but concentrate on shaping our future. I used to think the gambling demon was so strong that I would never be gamble free. We have proved that we are stronger. There is an old Chinese proverb on my diary somewhere, it says bean by bean the sack is filled. Even with Baby steps we will progress.

Thanks for the advice Markman, I have contacted some of the people I owe money to, they have been understanding, it is when they are ignored when trouble starts. I think it will be December before I am back earning more than I am paying out but I will get there. Each time I don't gamble away my wages I am giving myself a 100% pay rise for that month.

Stay safe and strong

Paulds

Hi Paul. I hope you are well and 12 days gamble free. Stay in touch. Mark

Day 14 gamble free

1395 days until debt free

I will never give up, I don't even enjoy gambling so why do it, I hate it now with a passion. I have to find something else to occupy my mind a new distraction. I was gambling in April and the first half of May, idiot! I will have to live on next to nothing until about xmas now, what a disaster. Got to keep going, today I will not gamble that is my only target. Stay safe and strong.

Hi, you don't know me but just wanted to say stick to it and that you can do this !

Thanks Naomi, very true, I have to stick with it and stick with it I will. Day by day is the key, I just have to get through today. Life is tough but it would be so much tougher if I was gambling

17 Days gamble free

1392 days until debt free.

Day 35 gamble free

To say that I am sick of gambling is of course an understatement, I hate it, it provides no benefit whatsoever, it ruins me, my family and friends.

I am back because I have many urges but I am determined to never give up.

That is all for today, one day at a time is the only way, the only target is to get through this day gamble free, that is all. Stay safe and strong everyone

Paulds

Day 36 gamble free

1334 days until debt free

Day by day that is all, minute by minute if I have to, tomorrow is another fight, I will be strong enough.

Paulds

Paulds
Fella I am truly humbled by your kind words they inspire me to commit everything I have to give to working the programme of recovery for life,it's the one selfish act we should gift ourselves.
I used to have a hatred for gambling but today I don't give to hating,I believe accepting addiction as part of my life has such greater power,I know when it sticks it's head out of it's hiding place I will be there ready to dispell it's dribble, the same old lines it fills my head space with about how I have earned the right to treat myself and how things will be different this time around and that elusive win sits waiting.
Utter bullmud I ran around chasing that temptress for more than twenty years.
I know exactly what will happen because I am not chasing a win I am seeking escape. With temporary escape the outcome is the return to life just brings another fresh cuts over the old scars.
Every day you don't give to feeding addiction you gift the opportunity for those scars to heal.
Be proud of yourself,enjoy the freedom from self destruction,you gift yourself a better life every day.
My fellow warrior I salute you.
Abstain and maintain.
Duncs stepping forward never back.

Day 37 gamble free,

One more day regained of my life that would have been otherwise lost to gambling. Tomorrow is another fight.

Paulds