I have just come back from a long walk today. I was reasoning with myself like this. If everything should come to an end tomorrow (No, don't worry I am not suicidal) What do you want to have achieved today? what do you want to check of in that big book of wants and needs and must haves? And I felt like my neighbours rottweiler. Pretty empty between those ears until dinner time. I could not for a very long while get a *** of what I actually wanted to do with my valuable time. I blame my addiction past for that lack of being in touch. H.ll I used to spend hours just to not think so I should not be surprised at all but now when I have a more analytical mind and I am able to think better I still find it utter surprising that I have such a hard time bringing up my wants and needs.
Am I alone in this? Do you have a hard time knowing what you want? Do you make plans and execute those plans to achieve goals?Â
Just curious.Â
Best
C
No and I still don't which I feel made me vulnerable to the gambling addiction setting in. Maybe I felt life is a gamble but all sorts of factors started me and kept me as an addict.
I have always looked for fleeting moments of happiness or contentment.....a walk, the birds singing no, isolation on a sunny hillside and peace and quiet.
I am now working through whether I am a flawed character or just someone that's happier being left alone with little stress.Whether I enjoy isolation or its just a twisted comfort blanket is the question....it's probably the latter as my gambling is an escape from the truth or hurt I cannot or have only recently faced.
I'm a thinker not a doer so my life has in many respects been like a leaf in the wind which probably isn't good.....I can see how that plays into the devil may care form of chance that seemed to ring my bell of addictionÂ
It's an interesting question though but I'm glad I'm gamble free to consider such questionsÂ
Best wishes to everyone on the forum
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