Well I got paid yesterday, and vowed never to gamble another penny away.
What did I do last night? Blew about £400 on online gambling.
I feel absolutely awful, stayed up gambling pretty much all night and haven't slept yet.
If last month was rock bottom, this is even lower.
I am seriously scared for the rest of the month now. I will have enough to scrape by, but who's to say I won't gamble that away?
I have no savings at all, so can't even delve into that to tide me over, and I cannot ask my brother for more money.
Day 1 starts now, for the millionth time. I have to do something, and fast, because if this gets any worse I will be in serious trouble.
I have have HAVE to beat this evil addiction.
Hi elproducto, sorry to hear about your slip. You remind me of myself. I lived at home til I was 38 due to gambling. I stopped gambling for 400 days due to sheer willpower. In that time I moved out and met a fabulous girl who I now live with. However I never addressed the underlying issues that caused me to gamble in the first place and therefore relapsed spectacularly over Las 3 years. I'm now back and determined to do it properly this time. I'm selkf excluded from all local bookies, she controls my cards . Most importantly I'm having face to face counselling via gamcare.
you've got over a decade on me. If you fully commit bow to doing it properly rather than half measures you can turn your life around way ahead of me.
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Hi dessie,
Thank you for your kind words.
​I've finally deleted my various accounts on gambling sites and have put blocks in place (if only I'd done this years ago).
Out for dinner tonight with parents, am hoping the subject of my finances and lack thereof doesn't crop up.
I am also going to book my car in for a service next week as it is desperately needed.
Another month of stress and paranoid thoughts ahead...
Day 5
Have managed to get this far with pretty minimal urges. Am planning to start exercising again next week, and once I get into more of a routine will join a local gym. I enjoy running in the mornings with my iPod on, wakes me up and gives me a bit of time to myself to collect my thoughts.
Have cancelled all accounts and set up parental control on my computer (typed in a gibberish password so I'll never be able to reset the settings). Feeling a bit better about myself this week, I know the coming weeks will be difficult but am sure it will get easier, and the urges will gradually lessen.
5 days down, here's to the next 500!
Day 7
A whole week gamble free... feeling a bit better about myself. Almost at double figures now.
Good work el.
keep it going​
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Day 8
Should be a quiet week, no reason to spend any money at all. Actually looking forward to bolstering my savings.
Felt pretty bored yesterday, luckily there was plenty of football on TV and the urges were firmly pushed to the back of my mind. I'm also reading a lot more, which is always good escapism. Currently reading a Jack Reacher from the library which i have until Thursday to finish. Also a bit of a movie buff, and go to the cinema twice a week (depending on what's showing). I ALSO like gaming from time to time, and can be found on the PS4 more often than not.
All these hobbies should hopefully distract me from the horrible addiction that has cost me thousands over the years.
Onwards and upwards!
Day 9
Got through the day with very minimal urges, so feel pretty happy about that.
Will be at home alone tonight, so must resist the temptation to fire up the laptop and start online gambling again. Got a lot of TV to catch up on so will try to make a dent in one series or another.
Have decided that if I can make it to the 21st gamble-free (which would be 25 days overall) I will treat myself. Will plan to do this once a month, providing I do not gamble a single penny.
Day 10
Bit of a bad day today, had a very stressful day at work and ended up taking it out on the TV at home later that evening. Long story short, I was getting frustrated at a game and launched my controller at the nearest thing, which happened to be the TV. I feel like an idiot even typing this.
Shelled out £250 for a new TV, money that I was planning to put into my savings at the end of the month.
I'm having some serious anger issues at the moment, my stressful job coupled with the thoughts of gambling are not proving to be a very good mix. I think I need to take some time off to chill and get my bearings.
I'll have to live like a monk for the next 3 weeks, at least until payday. There are no real essential purchases other than my car service, so I should be OK. I do feel pretty lousy today though, and disappointed in myself for not controlling my anger.
On the plus side (if there is a plus side) I haven't gambled at all for 10 days. Should be happy for reaching double figures, just need to keep my temper in check now.
I can beat this!
Hi, anger can be a great motivation don't be upset with yourself you have 10 days free to celebrate!. Please stay strong for you and you alone.
Godspeed, otterlady.
Day 11
Feeling OK today, my anger seems to have subsided a bit (mind you, I haven't started work yet!!)
The more days that pass, the more I think how stupid I was to waste such large amounts of money. Here's hoping that I can get to the next payday (and beyond) gamble free.
Day 13
Unlucky for some, fortunately I'm not superstitious!
Fairly quiet weekend planned, going to the football today, other than that I'll just be chilling at home.
This time next week I'll be on 20 days! Can't wait!
Day 15
Over 2 weeks have passed since my last relapse (when I say last, I mean FINAL) and I'm starting to feel pretty upbeat.
Pretty quiet day yesterday spent watching TV and playing a bit of Playstation. There were some urges, but I fought these back. I just remembered how lousy I would feel the following days after I'd gambled a large amount of money.
There is the fact that I don't actually have that much money at the moment, and payday is 2 weeks away. I should be able to get to that day pretty painlessly, the real challenge begins once I have some money in the bank.
I have a couple of days booked off next week, am planning to just chill and recharge my batteries, as work has been extremely stressful recently.
Getting there, slowly but surely.
Day 16
Not a lot to report, still putting off getting my car serviced (I have to survive on just under £200 until the 26th). Will definitely get it done that week. I'll be 30 days gamble free by then.
Out for a meal with family tonight and then cinema, looking forward to it.
Keep it going mate. Just think how much better off you will be next month when you get paid and can actually spend your money on yourself rather than just handing it to the bookies. I'm only on day 2 but have made it as difficult for myself to gamble as possible by destroying credit cards and self excluding as well as installing K9.
I'm sure that all the reading, gym and cinema will help keep you distracted enough not to relapse.
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