Day 16 ✅
Had my second counselling session today; spent most of the time talking about my marriage to be honest. Gambling is a coping mechanism for me when I’m struggling to deal with things, so I think it’s important to address the areas in my life that I am struggling to deal with to reduce the chances of reverting back to gambling to cope.
I feel really strong and feel a million miles away from placing a bet. However, had a random thought the other night about gambling to win it all back now my finances have settled down and seeming less dire. Crazy how even after all this our brain plays these games - that thought was quashed immediately, but just shows it will always require that management. Trying to be open about those thoughts, rather than fearing them and keeping them secret or pretending they didn’t happen!
Looking forward to a weekend of being present with the family, rather than checking my phone every 5 minutes to plan the next bet.
Day 25 ✅
Annoyed I haven’t posted on here in a while - life just so busy at the moment, which is a positive and a negative at times.
Had a brilliant conversation with my counsellor on Friday; really felt that my determination to continue being GF and make better decisions going forward has been followed by action over the last 25 days rather than just continuing to say I will stop and do nothing about it.
There is, of course, the fear of complacency kicking it, but again I’m trying to remind myself anytime I get a gambling thought of the person I become when I am gambling, and it just isn’t a person I want any part of being.
As I was sorting through my expenses over the weekend, the gambling payments were in front of me - initially felt annoyed that I had succumbed to the temptation back then and the regret of how it spiralled. However, I’m actually feeling more relief now- relief that it has happened and I am in a stronger place to deal with it going forward, rather than it happening in the future when more money would be available and more assets would be at risk.
Feeling good - not even looked at any football matches this weekend. First time in a long time!
Day 36 ✅
Feeling strong, urges few and far between at the moment - but a big part of that is that I have actively avoided watching/following any football. On reflection, i always wanted to be able to watch football without the urge to bet on it, like when I was younger, but for me it is just a means to bet on something and I don’t think that remaining GF and watching football will be able to co-exist in harmony for me.
Treated myself to something nice this week, which felt really nice to be able to do. I know this wouldn’t have been a possibility if I was still gambling, so that felt like a real win.
Speaking to my counsellor has been a great outlet for me - whilst keeping me realistic in terms of my future being GF. She always reminds me to have tools in place to deal with urges when they come, rather than what I have done in the past which was just to naively hope they would never come again. Tough conversations, but they keep me in check to continue working positively to remaining GF.
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