Done it before, can do it again…

Day 1 ✅

In the past the cycle has been: suffer a big loss, feel such sickness and self-loathing for giving in to gambling so easily and letting my family down, then the determination to stop. However, many times I have also woken up the following day knowing full well that I would try and win my losses back. Delusional.

Today I woke up feeling positive about stopping, it feels like a real turning point - back in work after the Christmas period off so it was good to be busy and have some structure back.

Day 1 in the books and on to the next!

Day 3 ❌ 

Tonight was the first big challenge where I had an overwhelming urge all afternoon and evening as soon as I finished work to gamble. I tried to summon as much strength as I could, but the desire to gamble became all encompassing and I took the easy way out. 

I knew this journey was not going to be easy, but I am absolutely gutted to have failed so early in the process. However, I will not let it break me and will learn from this.

Day 1 ✅

So desperate to be better; I’ve reached out for some counselling to help me through this journey today and just waiting for an initial assessment call. Some part of me wanted to do this all by myself, but how many more Day 1s will it take for me to realise that I need help.

Won’t pretend the thoughts of chasing my loss from yesterday didn’t enter my mind today, but kept active and busy and I think that will be the key to getting through this.

Feeling positive.

Hi @LT thank you for sharing your experience to date that displays your determination and commitment to yourself to understanding your relationship to gambling and to reduce any gambling harms. It sounds like you are having a difficulty time when the urges present to gamble but doing your best to not succumb to the temptation which is all part of the recovery process that helps you to identify what your triggers and high risk situations are, so continue to be patient with yourself.

I would encourage you when experiencing the urges to reach out and contact the 24 hour Helpline to speak with and Advisor about how you are feeling at that time as it will help you to explore what is going on in real time and also to reduce to anticipation and adrenalin that comes with the urge.

You are of the right mindset for where you want to go as you know to reach out for support which can only further strengthen your recovery capital of resources towards the steps in achieving your goals.

I wish you all the best for the future.

Rets

Forum Admin

Thanks for the support!

Day 2 ✅

Truthfully, today felt comfortable. No situations that triggered any urges by the time that I had any time to myself!

I think the financial repercussions of my actions hit me this morning. I’ve always found it easy to justify a big bet - but the sheer volume has caught up with me. As such, I’ve reached out to my Mum to take out a loan on my behalf; something I’m really not proud of, but there are various higher percentage loans and cards that I have accumulated and consolidating those would make life easier. 

Can’t help but question how I have got myself back here - but trying hard not to dwell on the situation and instead putting myself in the best place to do better.

Day 3 ✅

Proud to tick another day off, but it has definitely been a day of highs and lows.

The highs are that I felt more present than I have done recently with my family - rather than spending my time researching my bets, checking scores and watching matches, I was able to enjoy the time without gambling being at the forefront of my mind. 

The lows came in the form of conversations with my family about my gambling; their support is amazing, but you can sense their devastation and disappointment. I can’t change anything now, but I can continue to make positive strides forward. I still haven’t told my wife about the extent of my gambling - things feel a challenge at the moment between us sometimes, without adding this to the mix. The thought of telling her terrifies me, but I’m going to park that one for the time being.

Looking forward to another gamble-free day tomorrow. 

Day 4 ✅

Tough day; with gambling, for once, not being the main culprit. Life at home is a real challenge at the moment - gambling is usually my coping mechanism when real life feels hard, so I need to make sure I just sit with the situation, rather than taking the easy way out (that only every makes things infinite times worse).

Not much more to say - can’t say I feel positive right now, but another day gamble-free is something good to take from the day.

Well done on getting through the first few days! Don't worry I think all of us have fallen off the wagon in our first attempts, its about keep coming back! Good luck 🙂

Day 7 ✅

Been very busy for the last few days; urges have been very manageable and really pleased to have got my first gamble-free week for a long time ticked off.

Crazy how when you’re in the throes of addiction, you’ll see no way out and everything seems so futile - the feeling I had was that the only way to deal with this was to get back to square one by putting more and more money on. Even when things weren't as intense, the thought of not betting on a football match gave me such a feeling of missing out. Now I’m feeling more clarity, things don’t seem as all-consuming or devastating.

Ive got my first counselling session on Friday - feeling quite eager to talk through everything with someone that understands what I’m going through. Gambling aside, I’m a pretty rational person so I’m hoping that understanding my triggers and putting some tools in place to combat them will just strengthen my resolve.