Dormant

Glint, I loved that proverb and was timed perfectly for the testing week I've just had on this new project and will keep it in my mind as and when it's needed. As for you I hope you are ' striving for a five ' in your daily life and is achieving that nice number.

My thoughts, discussions and my readings in gamcare are on ' honesty ' . I was asked a question by a new boss during the week, the answer required tact and honesty and I surprised my self with my answer and turned it around as he was an intelligent chap and new the answer. He chuckled and said that's what he likes about me..... Honesty being the best policy, no coincidence these old sayings stick around.

I'm off for another meeting this avo. I'm kinda looking forward to it. My therapy sessions resume next week via Skype ( will be debut as still a little wary of techno ) . He caught me off guard and threw me on my first session, with which became the subject in the 2nd session. This was the difference between guilt and shame, still don't really get it but I had been holding onto the wrong emotion of guilt when after all it was a deeper emotion of shame that I was not processing. The other curve ball is ' why do I think I'm a nice chap ' I couldn't answer and came out gibbly gobbly!

A little psyche post but kept my grey matter going and was rewarded with a little ' kerching!! '

Another thought which derived from this avo's meeting with which I will share.

It came from a very elegant eloquent lady who talked about her rebuilding her relationship with daughter and hubby. Something which completely resonated with me was the addiction thought went around the houses of the mind and didn't necessary have to present it self as a gamble or a drink. I don't really know why that deeply resonated within the grey matter, but hai it did and I feel a wanting to understand why my ears flicked up when I heard that simple line......

https://youtu.be/UMVjToYOjbM

These are cool chaps and i was wondering from any muso's out there, but what instrument could a man with a real left arm and a prosphetic right arm learn to play ?............ Sounds like a joke but a serious random question

Asked that question this week and the only anser i got was a harmonica.

Random head on as i try some music therapy

Be honest Paul. you knew I'd be up for the challenge of this one didn't you :)).

My first thoughts were either the " Kazoo " , One of Rolf's "Stylaphones " but I'm not sure that's "A " an instrament or "B" would go down well at functions that kids were present at ? . I was then tempted to say a " Tambourine " as all you need is one hand and something hard to bang it against and we don't need to be even talking about your prosphetic right ? .

However there is a guy on youtube under the title " concert etude Alexander Goedicke "which shows him playing a Trumpet without a right arm , so anything is as we know possible but I wouldn't like to be your neighbour during practise sessions :((

Good one Al, I appreciate that, Someone also said possibly the keyboard but then backtracked a little as he said a right hand was probably the hand which I needed, Didn't really get why ? I did google harmonica teacher, so maybe ?

I will YouTube that bloke you mentioned though. But my laptop has just died. RIP Lappy. A lil ******* of with that as no TV, so looks like a book and music this weekend... ******* as wanted a Netflix evening ;-(

ps- you also inadvertently put a smile on my face as you reminded me off a funny evening last night. I was having a drink and banter with an Ozzie friend and he was trying to take the credit for English rugby and cricket because of the Ozzie coaches and trying to pinch the group AC/dc, but he did give us English Rolf Harris

The Guys name is Carlot Dorvey so just google that when you have the opportunity , otherwise you may struggle to find him , I think what I refered to earlier was the concert he appeared in , there's quite a lot of stuff on there tbh relating to playing instruments with on hand and abit of an eye opener for me as well .

With regard to your Aussie mate , there always keen to mention how there fellow countrymen have helped us to glory but tend to keep quiet about all the " Convicts' " they so kindly returned to our shoes , LoL :)) .

Enjoy the book buddy :((

I did mention that regarding the ' convicts ' they kindly sent back to us. He met his match with me as had 20 years in antipodean circles, so skin thickened with game of ' pomei ' bashing. I find it interesting though history came full circle but anti clockwise as they started sending the cons back here, I also find it ironic that all them century's ago, it should of been us good guys that should of been sent to Oz and the crooks should of stayed here but I guess all of our cousins wouldn't of survived without us 😉

Random thought alert.

I've mentioned before in this diary that I feel I've been fortunate in my time on planet earth this time round. But my thoughts have been on ptsd.

I've had trauma in various guises but I've also had an support network and DNA in various guises to get my self through.

It's debatable whether addiction is a mental illness of sorts. And ga doesn't seem to get the attention as it's cousins of alcohol or substance abuse. So, at least in my book becomes a slyer addiction.... But, what happens to the trauma caused to your self and others ? A trauma which doesn't go on any radar ?

PTSD is mostly associated with wars, yet addiction / family life / lifetime experiences appears to go under the ptsd radar....,

Anyway this is only my humble and haven't really put much thought into it since I only heard it mentioned yesterday. So, here goes another humble and it's called in my book a ' trap ', but when ga's get lost in the anger of the government or gambling commission, it is utter bs and possibly the misspent energy should be focused on the aftermath. Ie the ptsd caused by an internal war

I withdraw back behind my cloak of humble

Hi Paul

What about the instrument which is free of charge and which everyone has?

Why not try singing? If you speak to any singing teacher, or 'vocal coach' as they might like to be called, you will see they treat the larynx (?) or whatever it is that produces singing, very much like an instrument. Don't say you can't sing - as it's just like any other 'instrument' to learn. I'd never sung before but had a few lessons recently andi it was a real buzz, once I'd got over the nerves.

Absolutely sheet loads of choirs out there these days doing all sorts of music at all sorts of levels. Anyway, just a thought.

On another note, and I know we discussed this a bit before, but I totally get the fact you are interested with the self-conceptualisation of being 'nice'. I too have always had this opinion of myself as being somehow 'nice' - this was in spite of any other insecurities I might have had. Maybe because I had nice parents, maybe because I wasn't an obviously offensive person, maybe because I didn't vote Tory or UKIP ; )

But I guess i started thinking that this opinion wasn't maybe grounded in evidence. What was I doing to justify this opinion? Furthermore, sometimes being socially anxious could lead me to coming across not really as I intended - by feeling the need to 'make a mark' or be controversial. My own anxieties could also lead me to kind of mentally see threats in others and to try and bring them down. Which made me question further what's reality and just an identity (and wishful thinking).

As ever, ACT provided me with a fairly simple solution - to cut down on the opinions about myself and actually take committed action towards....well 'niceness' is of course quite a fluffy concept. But if you break that down then you might come up with stuff like: caring, loving, empathetic, nurturing, patience and connection. These are a bit more specific and things I can definitely work towards. Obviously still early days and a work in progress but something to work around.

Enjoy the day - I've got a day of looking after my son on my own for the full day. Somehow I've avoided this until now! He's sleeping now so calm before the storm no doubt....

Louis

A Random riddle alert -

I had a really bizarre week last week, mostly good, one not so good and one I've experienced before, with which is the s**t one that I'm about to unload.

Certain things do tend to stick in the abyss of the mind. And, something I've either learned from gamcare or via gamcare in the form of a friend. The first is ' keep my side of the street clean ' and the second is just deal with ' facts '

One of my nice bizarreness related to a random new colleague I met and realising that albeit further a head than me but he's also on a similar road. The ***** one comes in the guise of someone who has the head of a snake, a body of a wolf and wears a sheep jacket! I use to be a fox, so used my nose to sniff out! I know the tools I need are the ones I mentioned above, but here's a blight I own, but I feel a need to take his sheep jacket off and expose him.... I do have an Allie and know he will expose him self with patience, but my patience is something I'm working on.... but will endeavour even though I'm needlessly using up some of my energy....

I'll finish by an amusing bizarre moment, but I saw a French speaking dog last week, well maybe not speaking but he was French and could only understand French, albeit he looked more like a nice Labrador. Learning something new every day

I'm with Julie, what would exposing him do except scratch your itch?

Give your finger a lick, hold it up to see which way the wind is blowing, then get in front of it...Not sure it works that way but no harm trying to give our patience a little helping hand eh 😉

I don't know if Dan will be along anytime soon so since I can hear him speaking (no Darth Vader jokes pls) I will say something that he has pointed out to me...Focusing on other people's faults can deviate us from examining our own. I get that you dislike it because you recognise the behaviour but do weigh up the pro's & cons before you make a decision that can't be retracted.

P.s: when you sit next to someone on the train with your prosthetic, can you feel if you're jabbing it into someone else? I've got a lefty sitting on my left with a fidgety right elbow that I'm trying desperately to give her the benefit of the doubt over but since I'm pressed up against the window like I'm trying to make good an escape & she's still repeatedly aiming well timed body blows, my somewhat lacking patience is wearing usually thin (grrr)

Thanks, tbh I was downloading and knew I was gonna ignore it. I don't think he needs help in hanging him self. And odaat, dans advice with you as a conduit is spot on and no shame allowed for ***** Julie.

I get in loads of bother with my prosthetic Kelly, it can be quite a solid lump if either I inadvertently bump into some one or they bump into me and I think *******, here we go again. But does make a good club

Shame is a deep emotion to shift and gets so imbedded then we start adding to it as you mentioned above, i.e. our reactions or none reactions, when in reality we never owned the shame to start with....

Will respond to your random with a random. But if we all have physical health and then it must be obvious that we all have mental health. So, both physical and mental are on a sliding scale as we experience new and different s.hite like addictions or loss etc.But the latter is scarier and not enough funding. It's a fallacy that all them mental health homes from by gone years are now plush flats, was the past century when lobotomys were being carried out. It takes wars and S****e like that to understand more about it. So to me it's just another ' trap ' . We all go through life with different experiences and some can be sh.ittier than others but we get stuck in the stigma trap. Hence my dislike for labels, to me there just another trap.... that kinda flowed and possibly a little rant, but just tired thoughts on it ....

Keeping my side of the road clean is quite a new concept for me and despite many faults, I would rather focus on the faults I have endeavoured to work on.

There's a fantastic sentance that the fantastic Glint put on my diary.

' Don't dismiss something we don't understand and understand something before we dismiss it based on preconceptions.'

Only my suggestion but I think lots should read that and digest the meaning and not just the words...

Note to me - watch the footie

Balance -

That's where it's at! That's what I'm striding to find ! I've just had a. cig and coffee sat on doorstep of digs with a random builder putting the world to rights and listening to his philosophy and his plans in next few years to be stacking shelves and racing his pigeons, for him that's where it's at! For me, I'm still wondering, where's it at ?

I feel pretty ok this morning, so not a wow me post or even a ' mard on '. I'm very not sure how long I want to stay on my present contract ? There in it self is a balance. I've had the luxury of not working in my usual place of the rat race for nigh on nine months, but maybe I'm ready to go back and retreat back to the place I wasn't liking in the evenings.. Still wouldn't say I love the town I'm in, but learning to take a left or right and not walk straight.... existentialism balance !!!