Well, it was nearly 8 cauliflowers I see 😉
It's the stepping back that I'm struggling with V, or more the stopping myself from 'boasting' afterwards. I know how to pick my battles & I'm well respected for that in real life, it's the just computer that says "nooooo" (in a David Walliams voice)!
It did get me thinking though...I hope you don't mind me referring to your missing limb as a disability but what you said makes complete sense (even if, as with most of what Dan writes I have it all wrong & am putting my own slant on it)! My addict's brain is a disability but one which, like your right handed tests, can be overcome! My husband's nephew has amniotic band syndrome, he hates his prosthetic (though like you, I rather expect he will see it's value as a club when his little sister gets a bit older) & doesn't think twice about just doing. Being a leftie is no longer witchcraft so ironic really that they could struggle to do tests that you sail through. I guess that means in many situations, it's not our 'disabilities' holding us back, it's us. Now I know I've gone completely off on a tangent but thank you for that lightbulb 🙂
Now what was it you wanted of me? Would it be easier to switch email addresses?
Hello Julie, yes, that has blown my theory, but not completely out of the water. When I next visit Costa del Sheffield I will share this theory with you and Mr J over a coffeeas would take too long in a post....In truth it's only a silly theory.....
Odaat, confused with your last ' Now what do you want from me line ' ? Was wondering whether it was regarding my ' quote ' to your cauliflower post. I thought you wanted to play word association...
It's the stepping back that I sometimes struggle with but slowly getting it and finding it easier. Looking back, I had an awful experience with a horrible PM a couple of years ago on a project where his greed and slipperiness effected my role and nigh on broke me. I fought him with morality but the lesson I took from that is that I should of just walked. So, in a fashion he helped me with my development, as since then I've mastered my role better as I ' only do my best ' in any project since and only seek personal pride that when I finish work each evening that I tried my best and now don't really think about work once the school bells go and pass any stress up the chain. So, manage up and sideways.
Interesting what you also say and completely agree with your language regarding a ' disabled ' brain. It's a hard concept to accept and tends to get people's back up, so I tend not to write about what I think. But one thing I've gleaned from this forum and of my understanding when I hear about this fantastic voyage people seem to go on when they've faced there demons and broke through the other side is akin to the same feeling I had approx 7 years after my acceptance in losing a hand as a young strong bricklayer. It was like a fantastic voyage I had been on and making it through some rough times... With myself I managed to get lost again through addictions but then started seeing similarities in addict re(dis)covery to physical re(dis)covery but the former a lot harder.
Adversity goes on a sliding scale and it does make my heart bleed in seeing/ hearing about what some people have been through, but whether this adversity is addiction/ physical / loss it can also be a gift as it also ignites the spirit that we all have hidden inside of us.... going a bit deep Kelly, so will leave it there....
Note to me -
Still the King of hypocrisy as I have work at the forefront of my mind and use this website with back ground music as I sit on a pint as my comfort blanket.
The little posh town has two mostly empty bookies as I have fleeting thoughts....
Finish pint then back to fawlty towers it is.
I've just read your post regarding your son Julie. That's nice and it must of given you a nice warm feeling as you posted that as them thoughts swirled round your head. I tend to think that work experience you mentioned also had a similar positive experience for you and the lesson learned that you will never let work take you away from your family again. There's a thin line between facts and whistle blowing, as we need to work. But, facts and retaining values will always overcome even if we don't get the desired out come.
I was asked to sign a confidentiality agreement on this project I'm on at present. The first time in my whole career and now I understand why as probably the worse built project I've ever seen as they lose money and reputation. I've only been here 6 weeks and need to decide whether I want to do any more than 7 weeks. The only positive I think there is for me is meeting a kindred spirit of sorts who I enjoy working with and have a laugh with. New kids on the block, but need to be careful whether I want my cv tarnished with it. So, yes work has stayed on my mind since last evening and the reason why my body clock gets me up at 4.00am every morning this week. A different plan this morning as I step back to the periphery and see the outcome, if any of rattling the cages of of my hierarchy.... Thin ice as I'm recognising some bad traits with ramping up on ciggies and my 2/3 nightly pints...
Down loaded for now as I go https://youtu.be/5lYe-0CLXrs
Yes, Sven.
Very good.
Well...
There is a strong case for Sven being England's most successful football manager; based on consistent tournament qualification and quarter-finals without ever having helpful home advantage.
JEFF, LONDON: "Alright mate"
Jose: "What!?!"
d:-D
"The more I know, the less I understand", another good lyric I've found to be very true from Weller's 'The Changingman'. Think there are similar quotes from Einstein, Socrates and Coelho amongst others.
I'm right there with you holed up in hypocrisy castle. Easy for us to look down on others from here.
Find your honesty refreshing.
Self-improvement is very important, crucial - to at least some extent - for addicts. Important to recognise our faults - I actively look for them to help find ways to improve myself.
Something I've been doing more of recently. Daily in fact. Helps and highlights how much I have to work on. Hypocrisy being one of them, something many won't recognise in themselves - it's a particularly easy one to do without realising it.
Pleased to read you having a good think regarding work. Best to really take the time to look at both sides of any decision, looking at present and future implications the decision will have on you. That way you can be confident you are making the best conclusion. Preventing one of those 'I wish I had done that differently' moments while you still have the chance.
Good to see the day count nicely ticking over - well done on the 50 days.
Stay champion volcano d:-)
You've done it again Glint. You've inadvertently bought me back to my senses with regards to work and of seeing a unhealthy side of me with regards to work and now seeing a similar cycle. Working tomorrow as I milk the cow but need to re-evaluate . Your post # 1112 had a similar effect. Thanks.
I
Maybenow wrote:
Yes I agree it's a thin line not only with work but everything else in life. Dans strive for a 5 springs to mind . You are a nice,good man Paul and finding a kindred spirit is a fantastic positive in this day and age of materialism. Be careful with them ciggies there not good for you 🙂 and take care x
I do like that ' strive for a five ' line. Another fine, nice message delivered magnificently by Julie with the grace of Bjorn Borg. Unlike Andy Murray
Hi, Paul,
Hope all is well for you but am responding to your post elsewhere. Bad news: You can't be your own HP. Or put another way, you're not God. Nothing to do with religion, everything to do with ego and spirituality being unable to coexist, because ego pushes spirituality out. If ego is running your world and directing all choices, if ego is taking full control, how can you admit your powerlessness over drink/gambling and hand over control to anything external?
Much as ego and addiction would like to tell you otherwise, the HP, in whatever form you find it, by definition is higher than you and it's more powerful than you. It can control what you can't. But that's all, beyond being higher and more powerful, no form is prescribed as to what to believe. The HP is external, it's a device to provide the control that you don't have. Nothing to do with religion, everything to do with being prepared to admit that you're not in charge.
Take care, BW
CW
There is room for everyone................
Charlie was telling us years ago how it is.............
' Bad news: You can't be your own HP. '
More thoughts on this CW and was hoping in a response from my post #1216.
Youve shown a lot of commitment, tenacity and dedication to re(dis)covery. With which are the nice relatives of obsessive behaviour. And, this iis your springboard board and reasoning on ' higher power ', because it's worked for you and for some you admire. Yet, there's no defined blue print for re(dis)covery and that's some where you need to look at. I myself, despite my many relapses and dead ends have also shown an element of dedication and tenacity to my re(dis)covery and wouldn't knock the step program, but it's not for all, yet on the other hand through recent experience see the importance in peer support from other addicts who also struggle with the fellowship terminology. So really there's no defined route and the moral is what ever works for one doesn't necessary have to work for another and the most important destination is re(dis)covery....
It kinda makes sense to me now, in the fashion that it doesn't really matter.
Best to you CW
More thoughts on this....
To agree and disagree with something and with my limited vocabulary is something I'm trying to get my head around.
In truth, I know I'm not alone here but the terminology of ' higher power ' gave me the sh.......its for a long time and with other fellowship terminology kept myself away from GA meetings. yet, I kinda get the steps and was envious of people doing this with an aid of a sponsor.
Rewinding nigh on 20 years, I found my self without any planning, sitting in front of a psychiatrist talking about losing my arm 4/5 years previous and despite this being my big secret as everyone thought I was a star in how I handled that loss, I was really in bits, yet felt a release of sorts after my sitting.
Fast forward, nigh on 15 years I found myself sitting in front of a councillor, but now because I'd had a year stretch of abstinence and was ' happy ' and the person I knows that reappears everyone now and then and wanted answers why I let my head drop ?
I never kept this counselling going and subsequently moved into a ' dry gambling ' mode, no gambling but the same feelings of grandeous angry addict. This continued for a couple of years but after getting some strong, yet what I perceived as nasty words from a old friend, somehow diverted myself and I started reading Gamcare again, seeking more answers. 2/3 diarists caught my attention and that's what bought me back, from there I went to another councillor early lady year, made progress again, some clarity appeared and then took another nose dive as ditched this councillor and went on my controlled attempts relapses. Certain words from posters or stuff hidden away in the abyss of my mind was there, yet I never new.
7 weeks ago, I headed to another therapist with the familiar dark cloud and started dealing with things, this went in tandem with weekly peer support meetings but more with alcohol and drug abuse, 2 things I respected more than gambling and initially felt uneasy in going...I found at first this therapist throwing me and at first thought ' f***k him ', it then realised something seemed to be happening. Then the fellow addicts and listening to there stories had such a humbling effect, subsequently seeing a return of the chap I like.
Now. this is where I see the potential cycling trap I tend to fall into, I can't afford to keep paying for this therapist ( sponsor ) , I know I will continue with the peer support groups but know I need to find some form of ' sponsor 'to keep me on the straight and narrow.
Moral and long winded conclusion is that I stand corrected and your right CW, but need to find my own language regarding ' higher power ' and that may be as simple as values being my HP or even the room of good people I sit with on Saturday avo's.
Jacked me job today and now awaiting friend to come to my bizarre town..Yay ducking yay
Evening Paul .
Can't say I've ever been a fan of the " God squad , Higher power thing " although you'd never guess right ? :)) I'm one of those people that visits Church for the usual " Hatches , Matches and Dispatches " but that's more about duty than anything else for me , so I guess that put's me in the " Agnostic " bracket really then . While I don't have a problem with those that choose to believe in a " God " I don't , based on fact's tend to follow that path and in particular with the fact of there being so much unfairness and unjustness in this world of ours .
That being said , I would like to believe that there was someone watching over me at times , perhaps a passed loved one guiding me through times of trouble but I also feel that sometimes I can step back and look at myself from outside in order to weigh up the pro's and con's of a decision or question that's troubling me , so perhap's I'm my own HP when the need arises ? , although this week I have uttered the Man upstairs name with a few choice expletives thrown in for good measure as I've struggled to fit a new bathroom suite plus all the tiling !! , I don't think that's in the "Hip replacement recovery handbook " but I'm so bored !! :(( .
Anyhoo's It probably hasn't helped you in your quest for an HP answer , I guess we all have to work that out for ourselves ? but If you carry on with your recovery and yer stuck , I'll sponser you , How's a Pound a month Grab you ? :)) .
Better leave it there for now as I'll make the Religious groups Cross ( No pun intended )
Look after yourself Buddy :))
Pound a month...LOL.
Wait, am I in the religious group coz I go to GA?!?
Don't get too hung up on the wordings guys...Gambling has battered us senseless over the years & we never let that put us off!
Not at all Odaat, and I think you need to read my post again and Alan's subsequent post. Unique language
My last post was, myself standing corrected in something you said to me in Dans ' thoughts ' thread and also in CW's last post. So, subsequently I was admitting I was wrong, I was saying that I struggle with the terminology of certain things. And need to translate into my personal language, possibly as I think about that statement, stemming from a speech impediment child....
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