Drawing on all sources for support

Mike,

good chatting on chat, sounds as if you are taking the right steps after making the right choices. I have always thought that i could beat the system and make money to solve all my problems, but unfortunately we have a problem. We may have won a load one day but you can be sure that we would give that back and more. I have given complete financial control to my wife which has helped.

One thing is for certain, you have a choice now, your wife to be, or a life of worsening misery....and you are making the right choice.

Good luck and well done for your efforts, hope to catch up on the chat soon.

Phil

Mike.

Welcome to the forum a place were you will find a wealth of fantastic amount of support and some great advice.

The admittance to your addiction is the first big step. Now the hard work begins, each day you make the choice to say No bet today you will grow your resolve to live a life without gambling.

The advice i give is the advice that i got on my first days abstinence.

There is a triangle time - money - location Take one away and the punt becomes impossible. Gifting yourself a 100% payrise and with it, honesty and a vast amount of time, take all the help you can, write on your diary every day, read, join GA your family anything that will help you to arrest your addiction.

There is no cure, no magic potions, the forum i use each day like a dose of medicine.

You have done something amazing today, be kind to yourself, give recovery a chance. The rewards outstanding.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Day 18 No Gambling,

Dunc I like your triangle theory. Makes complete sense. I was with friends this weekend who are also big gamblers (probably CG's also) and they were betting.

However I resisted the urge to gamble myself, felt good for it. But I do feel as if I am still in a phase where the latest heavy loss is still prominent in my mind and therefore at the moment abstinence is easier than it might be this time next month. Add that to limited funds available to me at the moment, I think the hardest time will come when I am back on my feet financially. but I suppose I cannot fast forward to that time but have to take each non-gambling day as it comes.

Cheers

Guess what......I'm back.

And guess what would you believe it I've gambled more and lost more than ever before.

It's been 2.5 years since I was back here. In this times I've got married and divorced. She says it was due to gambling, but couldn't see the problem with the affair she initiated (that's a side issue). Things weren't right between us and gambling only made it worse.

I came out of the divorce well financially. Got 38k from the house sale and had 20k of debts (all from gambling mind).

Paid off the majority and now in the process of buying a new house on my own. I had 10/11k laying around dangerously which was earmarked for renovation and last night I lost it all on online blackjack. Which means if I get my house I will be living in a dump and only be able to renovate it month by month. That money was more than enough to make it a lovely home, not that a compulsive gambler can ever be materialistic, but let's face it, it's nice to have nice things.

I've got a new lovely positive girlfriend who knows nothing about the gambling. And I don't want her to. I mean I want to tell her as it shares my heavy burden the morning after a heavy loss.

Everytime I try to quit it's after bigger and bigger losses.

Anyone got any thoughts/ ideas for me?

Thanks again

Hi mike and welcome back ! I'm gonna sound a bit harsh now but do you really want this relationship to go the same way as the last ? . You've got to be honest mate with her and yourself it's not fair that she gets sucked into something that's not her doing and you should at least respect her that much ! . You really have to draw s line in the sand and day enough ! Your well aware of all the cliches and I'm not going to start throwing those around but the main one that comes to mind is " nothing changes if nothing changes " let go of the past and the losses , it's the only way you can even begin to move forward with your life , so what if you have to live in a house that requires work ? , use the time you would have spent gambling to renovate the house and take your mind off things , it will probably be very therapeutic for you and def give you another focus ! Our addiction thrives on secrecy so maybe time to have a long hard and honest look at yourself ? There's loads of support on here my friend so just help yourself and take what you need ! Best wishes my friend and keep posting! Regards .... Alan

Hi mike and welcome back ! I'm gonna sound a bit harsh now but do you really want this relationship to go the same way as the last ? . You've got to be honest mate with her and yourself it's not fair that she gets sucked into something that's not her doing and you should at least respect her that much ! . You really have to draw s line in the sand and day enough ! Your well aware of all the cliches and I'm not going to start throwing those around but the main one that comes to mind is " nothing changes if nothing changes " let go of the past and the losses , it's the only way you can even begin to move forward with your life , so what if you have to live in a house that requires work ? , use the time you would have spent gambling to renovate the house and take your mind off things , it will probably be very therapeutic for you and def give you another focus ! Our addiction thrives on secrecy so maybe time to have a long hard and honest look at yourself ? There's loads of support on here my friend so just help yourself and take what you need ! Best wishes my friend and keep posting! Regards .... Alan

Hi mike

Sorry to hear you're still struggling. I can see you were previously given solid advice in relation to the 'triangle'.

Do you know why you gamble? With understanding can come change.

Have you considered attending GA or therapy? Committing to a diary and to reading other diaries can help you get some perspective. Get out of the gambling fog.

If you're serious about stopping you need to commit to some significant changes. Change can be daunting at the start but the rewards are huge.

Best

Louis

Thank Louis and Alan.

You're both right. And to be honest I'm in a better for financial position this time round then I was last time. I hope this doesn't turn out to be a downfall.

It's not just the money although that is the heaviest burden at the moment as is a common theme within the forum. It is exactly as youre eluding to alan....it's the time and effort that goes into a pointless activity.

I can hopefully one day be able to take enjoyment out of what other people can. Ie friends/family/socialising/having self respect.

I don't feel like I'm ready to tell my gf at present. It's only been 8 months and want a chance of killing this off before we embark on out long journey together.

I've had counselling before through a charity called breakeven. The counsellor was really good. He really helped and I stopped for at least 6 months or so. I have made weak attempts to get back in touch with him.

I'm considering contacting the gamcare helpline today to try to see somebody again.

I had to take sleeping tablets last night and this morning to take my mind off what happened.

And I've called in sick from work today.

To make it doubly painful my gf got offered a job she was desperate for and I feel like I can't be happy for her after what I did.

Why does gambling effect your mood (both ways) so much.

Cheers

Woke up this morning.

Firstly more positive but fter a couple of hours feeling a bit like what's life going to be lik without betting. Knowing the football scores will be coming in later and not having a bet is gonna be hard.

Thinking my life will be so boring without it.

Pathetic huh?

No Mike, it's not pathetic at all. I had that and am sure most others had these thoughts when they first stopped.

I remember before I stopped smoking thinking I could never truly be happy if I stopped. It was like some deep 'bottom line' thought. Same with gambling. Actually turns out that's all complete bo&&ocks and it's just the addicted mind at mind at work.

With these kind of thoughts, I believe it's your addicted-side making up stories about boredom to try and justify continued addiction. Weird to think of the mind being unhelpful in this way - but that's the way it is. Don't worry, the mind games stop after a while, the addicted mind gives up.

I've stopped for 3 years now and believe me, when I look back now, the only thing which is really boring - is gambling. I truly mean that. I felt that especially strongly as I looked into a W1ll1am H1ll the other day - looked really dreary inside. Looking back at all the time I spent gambling - what a waste, what a bore!

Hang in there!

Louis

Ahh Louis. Thanks for that. Makes me feel better coming from someone who's been on day 2 before.

I have arranged some time with a counsellor and might start a diary on here.

Ta

Now day 11 of no gambling.

Returned to counselling and had my first session, which made my head spin quite a lot.

Felt a bit guilty over the weekend as spent it with my unfortunately I'll gf (nothing serious) (the illness not the gf lol) and was thinking that I'm a bit bored without gambling.

But then once weekend was over was nice to look back and realise that I actually spent time effort and money on stuff other than gambling.

Also felt a bit guilty about checking the results/prices of some antepost bets I've still got running.

Am I kidding myself that I'll be able quit for ever.

I do enjoy the interest of sports betting and keep tricking myself that I can stick to that. But everytime previously it's got out of control....turning into hours and hours of betting on every sport every day and the inevitable chasing losses on my nemesis - online blackjack.

Anyway hopefully have a good week and see the counsellor again on saturday.