Easy does it!

Hello Smiler! cool name, think its all to a powerful tool in the smiling/laughing in the face of gambling adversity....

Completely agree in the irrelevance of sums involved and whether it was win or loss! Was it very relevant in taking back control of our lives... Simple Live life, no complacency!! Its not about beating anything, just recognise when you need to keep it on its leash......

Hi Smiler-welcome back mate. I see you say that you have stopped so many times before but I cannot agree with what you say about never beating this. You have beaten it many times for a while so beating it for good is the next step.

All the best

Stumper

Thanks for replies so quickly. I use the words never beat it as I feel I have to live along side it. What does beating it mean? I feel, till the day I die, I'll always be on my guard. I do have the tools to stay stopped but for some reason I get sucked in with the thought of £20 won't hurt. I'm sure you know the rest. This is a good place to vent our frustrations though and I believe there is no right or wrong way on a universal platform. It is an individual process with one common aim.

On my way home from work tonight and my usual thought pattern kicked in, "Won't hurt to lose £20". I managed to divert my thoughts and left it at that. No struggle, but I know there will be tougher tests along the way. I'll deal with them as and when.

No thoughts today but that is one of my traits. I kid myself that I am not a problem gambler and then I step near the edge of the cliff and then I jump. I don't fall or get pushed, I jump. I have a chance to arrest this madness and leaqd a relatively "normal" existence. Speak soon

£20? That's a lot of money to me nowadays. Not gambling for a long time and still having to come to term with debts has given me a huge respect for money.

£20? A few fry-ups in a supermaket chain... two weeks worth of cheap ready made meals... half a tank full of petrol... a year old computer game... 3 for £20 deals on some lager... 6 bottles of wine... a night in a B&B when on offer... and countless others.

Perhaps think of this, it works for me...

"One tiny, tiny bet away from disaster".

That's £20 for you and £1 for me.

Have a good weekend,

GT

Hi GT

£20 is a lot of cash in real terms. I have to keep this in perspective. I have incurred huge debts in past with my deviant behaviour but now manage to be cunning enough to hide it. I am not in big debt now but it would not take me long to make mistakes of the past. I have to read very carefully until I'm strong enough to handle the situation. I have excluded myself from all known bookies so should be Ok. I don't bet online so nothing to worry about there. Thanks for reply I'll drop by your diary some time soon.

Thanks again

Again, today, a glancing thought of £20 won't hurt. Trouble is I don't stop at £20. I ask myself how much would I have to win before I would be able to walk walk away. I honestly can't answer that. I know that I am chasing that big win but it has never come. For me, gambling is an escape from reality, I think. I felt good today as my wife was going shopping and I told her to take £30 from my wallet and buy something nice for herself. A small gesture, in the grand scheme of things, but nether the lest a start! Usually I would have lost that money and more. Trouble with me is being too clever for my own good. I now know and accept I am past the line of gambling safely for enjoyment. I have to work hard to maintain this position of being "STOPPED".

Speak later

Hi smiler and thanks for your support. Like you say gambling is a compulsion to be managed for life. As you probably red in my diary ive gone for long periods gambling free only then to mess up again. Keep fighting the good fight.. it never is just £20. keep safe.. S.A

I have just had a self realisation that I am an expert gambler second to none in my world. I knew how to manipulate everyone and everything around me to my advantage so I could gamble.

As for knowledge of what I was gambling on I knew very little. I have backed horses since school days and yet I can tell you nothing about them. Dogs I would go 6 times a week and yet knew nothing. Roulette machines ditto.

I have awoken for the first time in my life to see that gambling, for whatever reason, gives me something I am missing in my life. Maybe I need to discover what the void is, maybe I don't need to know. One thing I realise is that I cannot gamble safely. That is a good starting pint on a journey that will last forever although doing it one day at a time.

Thanks for being here diary you are a good listener!

Hi Smiler,

I'm 35, i'm a dreamer always have been. My dad was a compulsive gambler and i always thought that i'd be a better gambler and make loads of money. I have a cr** job and little money so i always dreamed i could make extra money by betting. After reading a book on how to overcome gambling i realised that my thinking was immature. Gambling is a business designed to win and take everything you have. There are occasional winners. A big win may be one in a million. The odds are so heavily stacked against us. I swore that i wouldn't be immature anymore and accept that the dream will never happen i have to make do with what i have. After a while i started to appreciate the little things and found that i was very blessed. I haven't got much, but my mind is free from thinking about that dream that sucks you dry and spits you out. Keep going, you are doing well and when you get that urge just dismiss it. No more of yout money going to the greedy bookmakers!!

Thanks CB

I can identify with the feeling of freedom. Even though it's early days I have a sense of freedom every now and then. I feel I have beaten gambling now but just need to keep it beaten. If that makes sense. I except it will always be there waiting for me to return. I cannot get into combat with gambling as it is unshiftable. I must live side by side with it respecting it to some degree. The urges, so far, I have managed. I'm sure there are more to come but I'll deal with them as and when.

Picked up some cash today from someone and although I was in control I struggled for a few minutes trying to get myself to go to a bookies some miles away for a little spin. I knew I wasn't going but some part of my mind was trying very hard to convince me otherwise. I have to stay in control of these urges. I have made a good break and now need to maintain the break. Feeling better now!!

Hi Smiler,

I've been where you are now. Well done for not giving in. I exluded myself from all the bookies in town, closed all my onine accounts etc but still after a few months i was on the train miles away to a new town i'd never visited just to gamble. Then i got on the bus going halfway round the county just to have a few hours of losing my wages watching the horses i picked lose one after another. It's not worth it. We must say this is the end to this madness! No more! God i hope i never have to go through that again. All the best.