Easy does it!

Since I've been back on here my wife has become suspicious or is it me being paranoid. Who knows? I try not to get involved with people's diaries as it sucked me in last time. This time, so far, I am reading lots more and it works for me to read other people's pain as they start out. Anyway back to my point. I am thinking is it a way of me harbouring a secret coming on here am I sub consciously thinking of gambling I don't know! What I have worked out thus far is that if I use this site I know I will not gamble on a daily basis and I am able to give people advice on where I went/go wrong. I have had a good day today and gambling is not a part of my life today. So tomorrow is planned and if it doesn't run smooth it does not matter as long as I don't gamble. Thanks for listening

Take care

Hi Smiler and thanks for your support. Periods of abstinence and then a gamble, that i relate to. Like many of us say, its not the stopping thats difficult its the staying stopped. For me its when life starts to improve again that i seem to sabotage myself.. not this time though!!

It also put a smile on myself when you talk of the £20 note. Just one note I would say to myself, feed it into some machine and you never know.. it always ends in disaster of course. We cannot win cos we cannot stop. I can live on £20 for a week but when gambling its gone in seconds.. monopoly money. All the best mate with your on-going journey... S.A 🙂

Hi SA Thanks for popping by on my diary. A good point you raise. £20 is so much money in the real world (to a certain extent). In a gambling environment it is just a tool to seek the thrill or buzz I craved. I would shovel them in to the machine with no regard for my family! The feeling once I had no more was relief at first but then that numbness kicks in and I had to start thinking up lies, lies and more lies. And why wouldn't our partners and families believe us. We are the ones they trust the most. Sickens me to think of the gambing I have done but I tend not to dwell on it as I am in a good place right now. It is just a case of easy as she goes. I have debts like most on here but they are mine and I have owned them fully and I'm doing something about them. I am not wanting or waiting to have them paid up but I know one day they will. They are part of who I am and I can now accept and live with that whole heartedly. Another good day for me once I don't gamble!! Take care

What a great post! Can't do anything about the past but we sure as hell can effect our futures! Hope you're having a great weekend.

Just been trawling through these diaries and different forums and I really want to scream. Not sure who at or why but I feel so mad at this gambling and the people caught up in it. I can't believe we have all been so naive and some will go back to it. There is nothing we can do to close the industry down as some people are not addicted and just enjoy a bet. We, on the other hand, are pathological gamblers. This is sad for me. This whole CG business makes me angry and part of me, I guess, says why me? The god news is I know who and what I am (to some degree). I see in others where I was years ago and decided to go back for more even though I knew the results. Please if you read this get the best possible help you can and listen to people that have been around for some time. Exclude yourself and do not leave any doors open if you are serious about giving this the boot. Maybe I've got too involved again with this website but it helps me to stay stopped but it hurts to read people suffering both emotionally and financially. Please ignore me I just like to shout at things!!

Great to read that you are getting everything out smiler! I think half of the recovery is accepting that things need to change, and to realise the 'triggers' that lead us to gambling. The second half is finding a way that works for the individual for their lives to go on without gambling as a detrimental part of their future.

Hi

I am struggling with my own sanity at present. I don't have thoughts of gambling but I have issues with my anger. I have never lost my temper and the anger boils inside until I gamble. Recognising this for me is a big thing and I have strategies in place to combat this. One of them is to come on here and write it out. It works for me so that's good enough. Someone in my workplace is bugging me but the truth is that my imagination is probably running away with me. I have no control over others so I should not worry about them or their views. I can only deal with myself. It is a tough one but I need to remember this and get back to basics. I feel a little better for sounding off and I'm sure it'll be fine tomorrow. I can only do as I do and let everything else go. This anger is a trigger for gambling. May have already wrote that but I'm typing at a million miles an hour.Take care

Take care

Own sanity restored! Feeling better today. However I do suffer with some form of depression or other and it gets me into a real black mood. Hopefuly will lift and I'll be back on an even plain.

Thanks for listening

Thanks Ade

Just going through a turbulent time at present and things are being magnified a milion times out of proportion I guess. If I don't gamble I have a chance of getting through all this remarkably easy. It is just my sensitive nature that does me. It will get better of that I'm sure. Thanks agin and you all take care and stay away from the first bet.

Another day over and things have settled slightly. It is my over active mind that gets into overdrive and I get carried away. I have to accept that I can do nothing about other people's behaviour. However I have the power to do something about mine. This includes gambling. One of my triggers was getting upset about a situation and in anger I would run to the bookies to escape from whatever was bugging me. Today I try to put things into perspective and work through the problem.

Take care

Things just going on as normal. Some things I have no control over and I need to remember that. The serenity prayer is a big help to me at present. In a reasonably good space but like a typical addict I want it to be better. It is what it is and I have to accept this wholeheartedly. Gambling is not a thought in my head at present but I know the urges will come back if I don't maintain my abstainance.

There is a calm surrounding me at the moment and it's a place I like. I have to maintain this and keep everything on an even keel. Other people upset me and I let it affect my inner being. I have to let things go that I have no control over. I am slowly learning but the good news is I have a lifetime to do it and perfection is not the right way for me! Take care

Off to play golf this morning. Getting back into the real world and doing normal things. No thoughts of how or where I can have a sneaky go on FOBTs. They are a distant memory for me at present but like before one bite of the apple and itis like it has never been away. Those turbulent feelings are still there waiting to re-appear in my life. I honestly do not want or need them. I am going along quite nicely thank you. My debts are reducing and that is a great positive for me. I don't want them paid immediately I have a steady income and they are reducing steadily. Easy does it!

Another day without gambling or thoughts of! I have a job where I could easily go to bookies anywhere and everywhere. Therefore I have self excluded from locals and ones I'm near and secondly I carry very little cash on me. If I see my cash levels creping up I question myself and as sure as night follows day I know why I'm stashing cash. It is called setting yourself up of which I am an expert. Not any more. Enough is enough! Thanks!!

DArk clouds hanging over me again. I'm sure it's part of the illness/disease. Trying to get me to have a gamble to "Make me feel better". I now understand that whatever happens if I don't gamble things will resolve themselves. I do not feel like gambling and just yesterday walked past one of my shops I used to frequent and looked in. I honestly could not believe that I used to go in there and put money into a machine knowing full well I would lose it. Very strange sensation. I have no desire to gamble today. Thanks