Easy does it!

Hi Smiler... for me, when I was in heaps of debt, the debt was something to focus on to keep me clean. When I no longer had debt anymore I thought it would be much easier not to gamble but in reality gambling thoughts were much the same. Taking away debts merely brings us back to the original reasons that gambling seemed like a good idea.

Like you I prefer to swim in calm waters but at the moment the water is choppy. Thanks for your support... S.A

It is a strange predicament I find myself in. I have always been in debt from one thing or another. I am on the cusp of all debt gone and it feels "uncomfortable" in some way. We booked our annual holiday last weekend so this gives me something to worry about regarding debt. I actually like the thought of being debt free but will have to see. Maybe that's why my wife and I are so compatible as she spends the money before it has been earned. No gambling thoughts though so not too bad. Take care

Being an addict is such a pain. I have gone from one addiction to another throughout my life. I started my own business soon after getting into recovery and it has taken off so well I am working seven days a week. This might sound good but it takes its toll. The money is good and the debts are paid. But the insecurity behind it is beating me. I keep accepting work thinking it will go slower in the next month or so. I just cannot say no. I think it's called people pleasing. I have to take charge of my own life but it is proving difficult. However I shouldn't complain so I am told. It is tricky though! Better than not gambling but still a manifestation of addiction!

Take care

Yo,

Not a truer spoken or written in my option .

We are I believe compulsive in our nature and with that I have written many time that my addiction moves .

From gambling , to smoking more , to worrying obsessively , to over work, to alcohol to name but a few.

I remember having hypnotherapy to help cure my addiction to smoking . It worked for a while , but within 2 weeks I gambled.

I have accepted this is me and try very hard to address which ever addiction is at the forefront . Do I ever think that I will find balance ....no..... Can I learn to live with my addictive nature ..... Yes

I hope that this year my addiction will become my garden , for once my compulsive personality will be more heathy than usual.

Although well aware that buying plants can and is already turning into a compulsion.

For me , trying to live in harmony with myself , I recon that I am half way there. I understand who I am, without regret cos that achieves nothing , can spot when my lasted obsession has become negative , then take action to redress it.

It ain't easy but it is what it is .... Unless I have a lobotormy it ain't going away any time soon.

So I have waffled on ( hope you don't mind) , my advice is try to keep yourself in check, if you are working too hard ( total get why ) then pull back a little , but bewear there is mostly defo something standing in line , ready to take its place. Which I think begs the question ....which is the less of two evils ?

Just my thoughts , this early Saturday morning ....

Take care

Shiny xx

Thanks Shiny

I think I just needed to hear it ain't just me that struggles with this baffling illness. It isn't gambling anymore and it used to be alcohol. Keep vigilant is do able as long as the addiction doesn't harm me or my relationship. We booked a holiday and now in a little debt (comfort zone) and working to pay it off. Thanks again Shiny and keep hanging around it's great to hear from an old friend!

Take care

Smiler

Fella a trait I without doubt share, the gung ho all or nothing way of approaching many things in our life.

Whether it's a packet of biscuits or a crate of beer I struggle to stop once I start, the same goes for gambling.

The results can be as we both know devastating.

I had a lightbulb moment regarding control in recent days

If there is an end game, a result in what I do then I am all in.

So I choose not to gamble on this basis.

For me there is no end game.

I think I can relate this to your 'healthy' debt.

Surely debt is a healthy thing if there is an endgame

Mortgage or holidays you get something for your hard earnt.

So today I thankyou for sharing my friend, again my belief in what our continued recovery brings.

Recovery does open my eyes to exploit my shortfalls and turn them into something useful.

Regards work, we often say ' you are only as good as your last day' so as long as your efforts don't compromise your quality

Fill your boots!!!!

Again thanks for taking the time to share.

Recovery the gift that keeps giving.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks

For me, today, it is about keeping it in check. I liken it to the frogs that pop up at the amusements and we have to keep hitting them with a hammer. The thing I like today is the fact that the gambling program is no longer running in the background slowing up my hard drive (metaphorically speaking). I had to give up a very good job because I could not function properly. I never realised it was gambling that held me back. Forwards is good today.

Take care

Hi Smiler, thanks for the post in my diary. I'm in a slightly confused place so always good to hear from fellow travellers. I've dipped in to your diary and totally relate to your comments about the obsession of work. I throw myself (one could say obsessively) into projects and when they end I have often lapsed into week long thousand pound gambling sprees to fill the void. You talk about learning. I realised today that gambling no longer provides the required diversion. Think I'll be getting back to the gym tomorrow and throwing myself into that instead. Good luck with the garden. Jx

Smiler

Fella thanks for the wise words upon my thread.

I am proud to share this continued journey, it without doubt serves my own resolve to continue making the right choice for myself and in doing so those I hold dear.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

I read here on a daily basis how people want to change their habits. They try and do it with one inspirational word or saying and think that will do the trick. Unfortunately it takes hard work and perseverance to achieve this. Be patient with your self as you have the rest of your lives to get this right. Recovery is a journey or an experience. You don't just erase the past and start again. Damage left behind is as important to me as is the future. It isn't pleasant but it is who I am. You have to be a survivor in recovery not a victim. I'm not angry as the post may come across as I just want people to get this recovery and move forward.

Take care

Paid off the last part of a credit card debt off £150 yesterday and didn't want to pay it for some reason. Felt comfortable being in debt!!!

I now have disposable income in my pocket but the thought of giving it to a bookies sickens me. The fleeting thought of a quick hundred on a horse came into mind but I asked myself why would i want to do that? Plus I am self excluded so would feel an idiot if I were threatened with Police etc. I have come a fair way in recovery but I'm still very vigilant as to my motives surrounding cash. If you are reading this and new in recovery please stick around through thick and thin. You will not be judged here by the good people only supported and politely kicked up the back side when required. Once you get on board just maintain your recovery one day at a time and before long you'll be on good ground. I found a diary of mine from 2008 and I read it the other day. I was in so much pain it was unbearable to read but it brought it home how far I have come. I am only one day clean in reality as the previous days have gone and they don't matter. One day at a time is a concept I could not ***** but once I did it works I promise

Take care

You have come along way smiler and you have helped many others along that path including myself. Be proud of how well your doing. Well done for clearing that credit card must've felt good and use that money to treat yourself now and again, you deserve it after making so much progress keep strong and keep progressing.

Had to buy two new tyres yesterday and the thought of just paying for them without major crisis is good. When in action I would have had to have moved money here there and everywhere and nick some for gambling blah blah blah you know the rest. Serenity is order of the day today and just for today.

Take care

Hi Smiler... yes it feels good when some unexpected expense comes along and you just pay the money and deal with it, rather than going straight to crisis mode cos the money doesn't exist.

I hope your enjoying another serene day... am sure you are. Regards... S.A

Thanks SA

All good here, just overdoing the work like a true addict would! Although it's not funny but better than gambling or drinking. I have to cut down but the insecurity in me tells me the work might go quiet. Since starting my business I have been busy for eight years. I now have enough work to take someone else on but again I don't trust anyone to do as good as I do. Insecurity again and that is me. I am not perfect at all. I know my limitations and try to get it right. Hopefully one day but alas I have a lifetime to perfect it.

Take care