End of the road for marriage and family

Day -23 still feelings of huge sadness and guilt for my wife and kids who I will always love for all I have put them  through and tried to protect from,from not having any interest or intent to place any kind of bet for long periods and then being powerless to relapse due to emotion and self confidence and pressure of making things work out for them all regarding income 

Day-24 no gambling to report, no gambling thoughts, same routine exercise! Same distance,feeling tired today so much to sort and do but one step at a time also one day at a time,understanding why and what triggers and never to fall in to the trap ever  again going forward,measures in place and some kind of plan mapped out in my head.

Day-25 no gambling to report,no thoughts to gamble which is great considering the stress and sadness im feeling right now,more exercise same pattern as the last few weeks which is helping a lot,self exclusion from all bookmakers set up and arranged today in my area,Gamban online is already set up so no access to fall back in the trap,right now trying to remain as positive as can be in a awful situation.

Day-26 no gambling to report,no gambling thoughts,10,000 steps in the morning same routine,same again in the evening,took my son to the park and we both enjoyed it, simple easy things are the best,awaiting vetting clearance before hopefully starting new employment,  determined to keep to the rules and a relief knowing all measures in place to prevent any relapse,emotional and  positive conversations with my wife who can see that  I am trying to surrender to this difficult addiction and doing all I can to regain her trust,I will never put myself or my family through any more pain that this addiction brings,knowing and understanding triggers will be important moving forward.

Day-27 no gambling to report,no Gambling thoughts, same again 20,000 steps another six miles walked,feeling positive about all the measures in place to prevent any kind of relapse,I’m treating this as serious as I’ve ever done,cancelled sky tv with sports channels no more ,no longer needed in my life,trying to be the real me not the gambler one who relapses and is wreck less,feeling like I’m leaving  a dark bubble of gloom and beginning to see the light of surrender and have the feeedom from this very dangerous addiction.

Day28- no gambling to report, no gambling thoughts,another 6 miles doing me the world of good I think, realising this is going to take time and I can not rush or look for a quick fix, positive about the blocks and changes I have in place,ecstatic myself and family are supportive of me, will never put them through this ever!I will put this to bed for good firstly for myself and to make me a better person without falling in to the dark places gambling takes you,I’ve surrendered and now know I can no longer place any bet of any kind,big red light staying on in my head.

Day29- no gambling to report, no gambling thoughts, same routine 19900 steps, took my son out and enjoyed being with him, happy simple times,Feeling a bit tired today but as expected really, it’s been an emotional few weeks, feel comfortable and confident that all the measures are in place regarding no access to any credit or debit cards and having made it near on impossible to bet with exclusion and gamban, I know I have to be on my guard every day and now have a plan in place if any overwhelming feeling to be wreckless with gambling presents itself in the future, making positive relations with my super wife who has been amazing by supporting me to whom I will never go back to the dark places that gambling brings and hurt my family ever again,one day at a time but the cloud is lifting slowly with determination and self discipline I will beat this illness and surrender to it going forward.

@steve850 

Hi

It takes time to become slowly stronger more focused with healthy determination and healthy motives.

I use to be obsessive in most things I did having self discipline and having habits I tend to go slower yet get more things done.

The recovery program is about fighting our self, it is the exact opposite, slow steady baby steps.

With less fear comes less anxiety.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

Day 30- no gambling to report, no gambling thoughts which is positive, starting to slowly feel like my old self, more energy, more focus of exactly where I want  to be for myself and the loved ones I am so lucky to have around me, keeping myself as busy as I can, very important,feeling more secure with all measures in place including having no access to money, it’s a relief to finally surrender to this dangerous addiction,I can not and will not fall in to any gambling traps going forward , one day at a time and no going back, councillor session booked for the morning.

Thanks Dave, what you say makes a lot sense and great advice!?appreciate it.

Day 31- no gambling to report, no gambling thoughts,exercise continued feeling fitter,positive meeting with addiction counsellor, went over talking the small part in your brain that addiction feeds off,I’m understanding this more and more each day and by taking one day at a time i have to show grit and determination to put this addiction to rest for good,sporadic wreckless behaviour over the years has affected me as a person mentally and physically and you just don’t know the damage it causes,no more for me I have finally surrendered to this and will always be on my guard not to to relapse and to tell the voice that overwhelms in stressful circumstances that I will not give in and to f***f!!

Day-32, no gambling to report, no gambling thoughts, four mile walk in the morning with my wife means everything she’s now here with me on this journey, mindful every day of the hurt my addiction has had over the years, determined and positive I can in time finally stop for good , no going back to old ways,always being on my guard and to work at  other aspects of life to make me a better person,gambling has and will always bring trouble and strife to my mental health and others around me,one day at a time and I feel I am the right road with my recovery from this evil addiction.

@steve850 

For me abstaining from my addiction indicated I was not hurting myself for this clean period of time.

In time in my recovery I did not want to think about gambling or money lost.

I wanted to exchange each of my unhealthy habits in to healthy habits but but now able to do as quickly as I wanted to do.

A healthy habit of walk and doing exercise was healthy progress for me.

In time as I opened up more in my therapies I was able to understand more about myself and my emotional vulnerability and talk to my wife more in helping me understand more about myself.  

My addiction was a very unhealthy destructive habit and had been over many years.

Time lost I can not change that, money lost I can not change that, I could how ever learn from my past but not live in it any more.

The more healthier times the more healthy motivations my path in life was going to change as I changed and became healthier emotionally and physically.

The healthier I became the harder it is to believe how unhealthy I use to be.

The more I hurt inner child heals the less fear in me, the less fears the more I can come out and be my healthier self.

Life is not an adrenaline rush my pace and my thinking are more calm and I am more at peace with myself and other people.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA  ave Of Beckenham UK

Day-33 no gambling to report,no gambling thoughts,every day that goes past I feel mentally stronger and have not missed the dangerous trap gambling brings,actually feel more relaxed and calmer,another four miles walked today,quality simple time spent with my wife and toddler son,feeling positive I’m on the right track with my recovery and the measures in place,being on my guard always and striving for a better gamble free life going forward.

Day-34 no gambling to report no gambling thoughts, feels like I’m on the right track to getting normality back in my life without gambling,exercise is key, keeping myself busy,Comfortable  with measures in place,walked past bookie daily and to be honest I feel nothing no urge to go in there and fall in the trap,just got to keep thinking one day at a time, a long road ahead but feel more confident every day that I can beat and surrender to this evil addiction.