Day 17, no gambling to report,no gambling thoughts,spoke to councillor,taking one day at a time.
I'm sorry what pain addiction has brought on you and your loved ones. Reading your post was a stark reminder to me of what could have been. Hope this truly is your rock bottom and from now on inch by inch and day by day you get through this. As has been said above keeping busy and being productive in life helps. Think of it as a new life, a different life.
Which part of the country you in steve
well done again , keep exercising , also I know meditation has helped a lot of people in times of stress , keep up the positivety don’t let gambling define you Steve .
@charlieboy many thanks for your support,yes rock bottom and at this time I will never forget that I will never put myself in this position again,I agree about the time on your hands,thought I had it cracked not gambled for nine months.and then being out of work and not finding anything after many many applications led me to be irresponsible looking for that escape again,so obviously something in my brain isn’t right some where,if now I don’t get that I can not do this dangerous game then I will never will, yes I have to try to be calm and keep exercising, keep as busy as I possibly can and hope I can get myself right,my children give me hope and I will do it for them as well,be a better dad which doesn’t always mean buying this and buying that,long road ahead but I will get there!
@leweyman hi mate, thanks again for your post,yes another seven miles walked today my routine now until I get this work situation sorted, getting closer with that which is important,I’m in south Dorset,no it won’t ever get me again it is now my enemy hope that makes sense mate,you keep going too and be great if you can keep in touch as to be honest people I know don’t really get it and you kind of get alienated, people should remember that I am a human being that has relapsed,you kind of get to know who your friends are although I get the hurt and pain and confusion it causes to others as well.
Day 18 no gambling to report, no gambling thoughts,keeping active,three possible job opportunities,we shall see as have had no luck previously in four months,I am a person who has worked since the age of sixteen had good grounding on a building site, tried different job roles,never been fired,stayed in jobs for Long term and been loyal and now in my forties have hit a brick wall to try to get going again, will keep at it and remain positive.
@gadaveuk thanks Dave,yes I will keep the faith and hope and never make the same mistake again,gambling is now an enemy that will never take another penny.
The healing recovery program is not a fight process it is surrender to the fact that you want or need to give up unhealthy habits and take up healthy habits.
Often the reference of fighting is fighting your self.
It is not a fight, it is surrender that to go back and forth is unhealthy for you and people around you.
Fighting is tension and stress, surrender is inner peace.
Thank you for your comments
Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham
@gadaveuk I get that it feels like a fight but what I actually need to do is surrender to it for good,and finally find that inner peace,thanks Dave.
Day-19 no gambling to report,no gambling thoughts,excellent posts from Dave today that will stick with me about its surrendering and not fighting this,can’t fight myself anymore,Another 7 mile walk in two sessions,sadness from what I’ve put my family through,still thinking one day at a time and I will remain positive and put this to bed once and for all.
Day-20 no gambling to report, no gambling thoughts,feeling a bit low today but another 6 mile walk,which helped slowly coming to terms of what this addiction has done to my mental health over the years. More determined than ever not to use it as an emotional escape understanding triggers and the damage it can do will be forever in my thought process moving forward.
Day-21 no gambling to report, no gambling thoughts,taken ownership of this and keeping the faith that I will recover from this with effort and determination,keeping the routine of two session walking which is a great help,keeping as active as possible,secure employment opportunity hopefully getting closer but everything these days takes so much time,one day at a time.
Day 22-no gambling to report,no gambling thoughts.started day with 3 mile walk, then watched daughters football match which I found some joy from for a change,just to try and switch off for an hour from all the hurt I’ve caused to the people I love,struggled rest of the day emotionally but have to remember to keep on the right track and beat this once and for all, never again will I find myself in this position.
Day-23 no gambling to report,no gambling thoughts,stuck to routine again with regards to exercise,3.5 miles in the morning then again in the evening,starting to feel fitter each day,getting endorphins going,recommended by Addiction councillor and in a book I’ve been reading, this is the way to go for me,once back in work I know I will not have so much time but will definitely continue and make sure it is done daily,a lot of this gambling for me is brought on by negativity and being stuck in a rut most recently brought on by application after application and having no chance given for me that plays with my mind,my self confidence which in turn resulted in an escape from it by relapsing, realising and understanding and educating your brain is becoming clearer which will result in myself never gambling or being in this position ever again,It’s the relapse that causes the hurt and pain,and the damage it causes after going long periods previously of non gambling,four in the last six years,enough is enough.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
