Enough is enough

I'm massively struggling was Soo excited for Christmas and all of a sudden overwhelmed with depression thinking about the money I chucked away all this year. I'm struggling to still let go I wish there was a button that would just erase the memory of the losses. I used to justify it by tricking myself it was all just a terrible investment gone wrong etc but I failed to learn the lesson too many times to think that. Hopefully I can look back at this message months/ years from now and smile that it was the turning point. Playing sport all my life I hate loosing which is embedded within me so I just really really hope months down the line I finally accept I lost. Gambling is a horrible addiction simply because it's too cringeworthy to talk about with freinds and family. Once or twice is stupid but multiple relapses is pure insanity to anyone who isn't a gambler and immediately paints the impression of a degenerate. Thousands down the pot, I feel determined not to loose a penny more but that's counteracted by the anxiety knowing no matter how determined I am for weeks months years I always know I'm capable at any given moment on any given day loosing thousands more in a rash decision seemingly out of nowhere.

Hello Samh42,

We've moved your thread to the 'Recovery diaries' section as you appear to be using this thread to update your ongoing progress, so the 'Recovery diaries' section seems like the best place for it.

It sounds like you aren't complacent about your recovery, and that is helpful. You also seem to be feeling some shame and judgemental attitudes towards yourself. Coming to terms with losses, learning from mistakes, developing self-acceptance and practising compassionate ways of relating with yourself, can all be part of the process of recovery. Well done to you for expressing yourself honestly here.

Take care,

Forum admin.