Failure stories?

Pete

As a parent who has been watching someone close going through your problem I can see the desperate situation you are in and feel for you. I have watched recovery, relapse, recovery, relapse many times. You have managed to go cold turkey so you know you are capable of recovery but the worst thing is trying to do that on your own. If you have someone close you can confide in tell them about the problem and ask them to take over your finances to control your spending - if not go to a professional debt advisor or talk to Gamcare about that. Yes, there are success stories on here but I have witnessed the relapses myself so I know you are not going to find things easy, just like most of the other people on here, they will have had quite a hard journey before finding success. The key is to count today as day 1 of not gambling and keep counting the days - write down a plan of what you need to do i.e. ring gamcare for advice on counselling, finance etc. - there are ways but you have to try and help yourself in these practical ways I have suggested. By the way you should be proud of yourself that you went cold turkey for that period of time and stop putting yourself down now by calling yourself stupid - you have been unfortunately reeled in by the gambling industry so show them you are not going to let them have any more of your money. Good luck Peter.

Morning Pete.I hear what you're saying, but I think if you read around (especially in people's diaries) there's a lot of "failures" in amongst the good stuff. I've had to reset my day counter 3 or 4 times since I've been on here, each time when I got to the 90 or 100 odd day mark. Every time it was absolutely gutting, but I dug about to try and understand what had triggered the binge and it helped. Now I don't see those relapses as failures because I learnt a bit from each one and I changed what I was doing. In my opinion, very few people on here have joined, stopped and stayed stopped....and those that have tried repetedly to give up before they found this forum. Don't be too hard on yourself. Pick yourself up, have a shake and get back on the horse. What measures have you taken to help yourself? Blocks will buy you some time (and may well have prevented last night's splurge) but I'm a great believer in counselling/therapy to get to the root cause. Understanding the nature of addiction itself has really helped me, but not everyone wants to take that path.Maybe contact gamcare to see what they can offer? GA is a tried and tested way forwards and there are lots of success stories of people on here who have found it really helpful. I think there's something in being a part of something....a group of like minded, understanding people....that helps.You could start a diary on here too. I find mine really useful. Use it to vent, rant, share, celebrate, ask for help, connect. I know this isn't real life but I've got a lot out my interactions with my cyber friends. This is in the diary section, so you could continue with this.

You've done a week, so you've got something to build from. That shows you can do it. But it's not easy. And it's really not all about the days...they're just a marker but they're not the definition of success. For me, changing my thought processes and how I feel inside is the real key to success (or failure). Wishing you well. LifeBegins x

Pete

The first step is accepting you have a problem. You have done that. Sharing your story is hard, but therapeutic - it reminds you of how you feel and what decisions you are making to control it.

Most people relapse, but you need to accept, but at what point does a relapse simply be because you have access to money ?

Its easy to quit when you have lost all your money, and no access to funds. You know the most dangerous time is always when funds become available. You need to prepare yourself for these moments. Put the blocks in place, if you think you will be tempted, let someone else manage your money, until you are comfortable in the knowledge that you will not gamble.

Accept that this is an addiction - you cannot step in and out of it. Its all or nothing.

You can never gamble again.

I know you have a similar issue to me with dark secrets from childhood, and it was not until i addressed these, that I felt I could move on with my life and find the strength to walk away from the safety and escape that gambling offered. Brought up on secrets and shame, and continuing into my adult life.

i am not sure if you taken counselling regarding your past. I have not seen you on the forum I suggested, although you may have browsed it. I can put you in contact with a great counsellor, that is free, and will email or phone you whenver you want for support.

If you are truly serious about this, you will explore every avenue, you must.

Good luck

Morning Pete , It's not all about blocks and avioding situations like a payday but more about changing your mindset and embracing a new way of life without gambling in it .

Acceptance is the biggest part of that process Pete , Firstly letting all the losses go and accepting that fact will help you move forward so much more easily , the biggest thing that seems to keep people in the cycle is going back for revenge and that feeling of gambling owing you so much money , if your prepared not to chase those losses then there's really no point in taking gambling on again is there?.

You have to really accept that gambling has you totally beat , it's battered you about and knocked you senseless until youve ended up here and you allow it to win and so no longer feel the need to take it on again for another round of the same .

If you were a lightweight boxer who kept going toe to toe with a heavyweight and got constantly smashed in the face day after day , then how long would you keep going back for before crying " Enough " ? this really is no different my friend .

Sometimes it's more about the fear of letting go of something that's been a huge part of your life for so long and those feelings of " How will I ever cope when it's not there anymore " but the truth is you will cope my friend , I likened it to learning to swim , You grip tightly to the edge of the pool thinking that if you let go your going to go under but when you pluck up courage and allow yourself to stop holding on to that fear , that pool edge , you suddenly realise you can swim alone and all that was truly holding you back was fear of the unknown fear itself if you like ! .

Blocks really do help because they allow you time to think before you act but looking at the bigger it's about the way you look towards a new future and really how much you want to give up ?.

Wish you well my friend :))

Hiya hun great advice from Alan the only thing I can add to it is yes I failed loads of times before I came on here and twice on here it was extremely hard but with relapses you learn every time and I couldn't do it on my own I don't think anyone can tbh it's such a strong addiction but doable like Alan says letting go of the losses is a big one and life sure is much much much better gf! Stay strong best wishes Lu x

Dear gamparentanon -LifeBegins - 21246pjc - ALAN 135 - Lulubobs1966

I would like to thank you all for reading my post, and for each of your individual heart felt replies.

I have decided to start a diary in the 'recovery diary' forum, my entries will be brutally honest relecting my thoughts and feelings, in the hope that i can reflect back as time goes by, to try and make sense of the whole disturbing way in which gambling addiction has had (and continues) a devistating impact on my life.

Dear gamparentanon, i could not imagin how difficult it must be to watch someone you love get destroyed by gambling over and over again. I do hope that you have managed to get support through these difficult times. To be honest i had not even considered a loved ones perspective as i have been so rapped up in myself. So thank you for sharing your experience, as that has been a wake up call for me. Well done for remaining strong whilst witnessing the recovery and relaps, you are insperational.

Kind regards

Pete123

Thank you for your kind words Pete. The recovery diary is a great idea and a way of keeping in touch with people on here who will give you good advice and emotional support. It seems like very much a team effort on here when people need help and you may well find yourself handing out support to other people after a while. Have a good day.