Good evening,
My name is Michael, and I have a gambling addiction.
I am not new to this site, nor to this forum. I've signed up here twice before, posted once, forgotten about the site, stopped gambling for a month or two, and then returned. Finally today, February 21st 2016, I have hit rock bottom.
I am in my twenties and have been gambling now for approximately ten years. My main vice is horse racing, but I have gambled on almost anything and everything. In the past 10 years I estimate that I have lost approximately £20,000-£30,000 from gambling, maybe more, and I am currently in £10,000 debt which I will be paying off each month. At the moment, I have a job in the City that pays well but as a result of my actions I have had to move out of my flat to live with my parents in order to pay back my debt.
As well as financial losses I am very close to losing my partner of almost four years, and have isolated myself to the point whereby friends and acquaintances are no longer the same to me as they once were. All in some way linked in gambling.
I hope that my diary will become more personal as the days, weeks, months, years go on, and I hope that through this page I will be able to help anyone who has gone through the same feelings of guilt, suicidal thoughts, depression and many more feelings that I have gone through.
Thank you, and I'll speak soon.
Michael
Good luck Michael - you're in the right spot. Stay close to the forum. Look forward to hearing more of your story when the time is right for you. Thanks.
Hi Michael my name is rich and in my twentie also and also have been through/going through what your experiencing right now. Its scary to think how gambling can take so much hold over life and how much we can loose through it, I'm sorry that it has gotten this bad for you. My personal thing is slot machines both in clubs and online and have lost everything in the past due to it. I started my gamble free life yesterday and is going ok so far. Im here if you ever want to chat and will keep an eye out on your journey
Good luck, Rich
Good evening,
Unfortunately this week was a step in the wrong direction. I've been going through a number of problems, moving out of my flat back home, and breaking up with my partner of almost four years. All the stress took me over the edge and this weekend I gambled.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed.
I was looking to call in sick to work tomorrow, but I need to take responsiblity for my actions. My journey has gone on for a long time now, but today felt like enough.
I'm attending GA on Tuesday which will be a start, and have gotten in touch with Gamcare for some counselling. After all, it is about wanting to quit. Actions speak louder than words.
Speak soon,
Michael
Hi Michael Im awfully sorry things have ended with your parner- if theres a way you can get them back then thatd be nice to hear but if not then Im sure you will be ok and will move on in time. Dont feel ashamed because you gambled- it was a reaction to some bad news and I have certainly been there on one or two occassions. Just think, and youve indicated this, finding ways in which you can deal with those feelings that arise. Urges when a gambler are extremely difficult to manage but as time goes by the counselling and peer support will begin to become stronger and you will manage. Think positively as well- you havent gambled today and if you get to midnight thats something to be proud of.
There is light at the end of this tunnel- control and that is something I certainly value and I hope you will to. Have a good week
Rich
Just a quick one. Part of the title of my diary is I'm ashamed. That has change in the 5 months I've been on here I'm no longer ashamed I'm proud of myself now.
I'm not the finished article by any means but with the help of here and GA and my commitment to beating this I feel I'm starting to get there.
If you want to join me here your more than welcome.
KTF
Good evening Rich and KTF
Thank you very much for the warm words.
Unfortunately I think things with my partner are beyond repair. I reacted very badly to the relationship ending, and gambled as a means of a release.
I almost gambled this evening too, but in the end, I did not. Today is Day 4 and I can't say it is any easier, but I will stick with it. Thank you for your support.
Michael
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