Just short of 4 years ago since my last post, wow.
Anyway it has been a rollercoaster of a 4 years sadly much of which involving gambling but now I'm skint again and determined that I can finally break free of this disgusting habit.
Quite an odd story really, and I don't feel like writing a huge post at the minute but my parents still have control of my bank account so I'm actually in quite a good position now with my banking, not a loan or debt in sight (as should be the case for any normal 27 year old living at home earning a decent wage without any real commitments!).
My problem was I turned a small amount of money into circa £20,000 3 times and each time I've only gone and lost pretty much the blooming lot! (This time though I have no way of trying to do it again!). Amazing how this gambling nonsense controls the brain, I mean what idiot manages to make such a stupid mistake not once not twice but THREE times?!
The last few thousand was a case of 'blink and you'll miss it' aimlessly just throwing it around in anything just trying to get back to that magical £20,000 figure.
The turning point came on February 22nd at 2:22am. I was in a casino that I wasn't self excluded from with my last £1000 and although I wasn't 'winning' anything I wasn't particulary 'losing' anything either. That was until I inserted a £700 ticket into another slot machine, and didn't get a feature within that entire ticket (Another strange gambler thinking, that we can control the word 'random' because we've put so much in we're due something back...).
By that point it was either a case of keep inserting the last £100 in notes I had and any loose change into this stupid machine and turn up to work the next morning having had no sleep or just think forget it and jump into a taxi. After an internal fight with my own mind I finally broke free and chose the latter option. £70 that taxi cost me, probably the best £70 I've spent for a long while. Despite about 3 hours sleep I went into work feeling as fresh as a daisy.
Early steps yet, but now I've not got my own 'hidden loot' I can only spend my limits set by my parents so I can't really gamble without them finding out via my bank statements which is a huge step in the right direction. Why am I trying to make money that I'll just throw away again when all I have to do is keep my head down at work and save?! (I've become a bloody good saver over the past 4 years at least!).
Today is Day 3.
It's madness, if we has all the winnings in cash we wouldn't spend £20, keep strong.
Funny my Mum is talking about losing weight, trying to lose the pounds...gambling is the polar opposite trying to put the pounds back on!
Another fact about my recent years of hell is that all of it was carried out on the high streets and city centres of the UK...not a penny online, my best ever result online was losing £9000 that I had won the previous evening as it meant I never touched online gambling again after that.
Been strong so far, payday today although as I touched on that doesn't really affect me in terms of gambling at all with the parents having control over my bank account.
In fact I ordered a new Graphics Card for my PC today so if I get tempted to gamble I can just think I have a top of the range gaming PC at home to whittle away the hours playing some games for free instead. Next month I think I shall start looking at going to the gym, just so I have somewhere to go if I'm out and about with time to kill!
Just quit my job today, something I've been considering a while but finally had the strength to do it today. I have no doubt I'll get another one even if at a lower pay initially but in the meantime it means gambling is the last thing on my mind, and I haven't gambled since the 22nd so all going well so far I guess.
I just scared myself to death in another post by working out in my self destruct mode between November of last year and February of this year I spent an average of between £150 - £175 a day on gambling, why doesn't the mind ever think like that when you're actually doing it! No sane person would ever do it, spending 3-5 months wages per 1 month doesn't sound too profitable...
Does anybody have any tips for getting a sleeping pattern working again? I often get home from work at the moment, have 2-3 hours unplanned sleep then stay awake until 4am - 5am, if I try to go any earlier I struggle.
It isn't money worries or job worries I think, just my mind seems to be more active now it isn't being destroyed every day by gambling!
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