fed up with myself

Hiya Sunshine,

Just thought I'd say hello... Hello! 🙂

Hope all's going well with you, see you again sometime soon in chat no doubt.

Stub 🙂

wow its been nearly a whole year since i last posted on here ! that's crazy how time flies lol

Anyway i just wanted to check in and let everyone know im still gamble free and loving life 🙂 i have not gambled now since november 2012 and couldn't be more proud of myself but i want to say thanx to everyone on this site who helped me through the hard times !Thankyou so much ! you have all helped in some way for me to change my life around and i feel very lucky that i managed to stop when i did or who knows where i would be today .Also want to say to all you new members and members still battling this awful addiction Never ever give up on GIVING UP ! its not impossible you can do it ! you just need to find your own way there .So thanx again everyone and people please keep fighting ! P.s forgot to say i recently gave birth to my 2nd beautiful baby boy 🙂 there is no stronger motivation to give this up than the love for your kids xXx

hello diary me again ! twice in one week lol

Had a lovely day out shopping for my boys ! its so nice to just go out and treat them and know i'll have money in my account as i no longer gamble .Such a great feeling 🙂 i guess i came back on here so that i can write that down how good it feels then if ever im tempted in the future i can look at this and know that its never worth it to ever go back !

So that's all i have to say today but keep going everyone and believe in yourself that you can and will beat this x

Hi Sunshine! I am quite new - for the second time - on here and just wanted to say how great it is to hear that you are so happy. Congratulations on the birth, and thanks for giving me something to look forward to in a year's time - to look back at a year and feel so positive wold be great.xx

Wow what's wrong with me ? 🙁 seriously thought i had this beat but here i am again back to square one 🙁 FFS

GO AWAY URGES arghhhh god i just want to feel normal again ! i can't believe iv'e f****d it all up after being gamble free for like 2 years or more 🙁 seriously guys never ever underestimate the power this has over you and never get too comfortable thinking you've got it beaten 🙁

I'm sorry but for a while i'm just going to vent on here as i need some kind of release from it all .Really wish i could be more positive but just feel so defeated and like i'm never going to be free of all this 🙁

Cheer up Mrs Sunshine. We have been here before and know what we have to do.

Howling at the moon or cursing Mr Gamble won't get us out of this mess.

Nothing is going to change the fact that You, Me and Annie 16 gambled yesterday. In one of your posts you wrote "Never give up on giving up." Today the three of us are on day 1 of the rest of our lives. Lets make every day worthwhile and go forward with courage, hope and a will to improve our outlook on life.

Wishing you peace, contentment with a sprinkling of adventures...stephen

You managed to stay GF for over 2 years which is great. I know it hurts right now and the pervious success probably doesn't feel like it ment much but it does. You worked out and followed through with a strategy that kept you away for gambling for a long time. Just get back on it and start again. You know you can do it and you know what you have to do to do it.

Its happened now you have to move on. Keep us posted.

All the best.

Thank you Abstainer and Sjwsjw for your comments 🙂 it means a lot x

i know i should be picking myself back up and dusting myself off but it really feels worse this time .Maybe its because i managed so long without gambling that i let myself truely believe i was rid of it forever ? truth is i'll never be completely rid of it and have to learn to accept its just a part of me 🙁 i'll always be a compulsive gambler ! its how i choose to deal with that fact that will be key to getting back to my recovery .It's like someone who's an alcoholc know's they'll always be one and the only way to deal with that is to never have another drink again .I just so wish i'd choosen not to have that one flutter thinking it's ok i've been gamble free for ages so one little go won't hurt .... god i feel so ridiculos for even thinking like that . No normal person would be thinking this way 🙁

I'm also furious with the site i gambled on as i asked them to close my account and they told me this would need to be done by the accounts managment team and that someone would contact me within 72 f*****g hours !!!! seriously how do they get away with that c**P ? make's me so mad that they want people like us to be drawn in deeper and deeper until we have nothing else left to give . I had managed to win some of my money back but it was then left pending for over 24 hours and then in the end i slowly reversed the lot 🙁 so bloody stupid and now all i can think about is what i could have done with that money and it makes me feel physically sick ! why do they have to have that stupid option of reversing a withdrawal ? and why do i have to wait 72 hours for them to close my account ? they don't give a dam about the damage this causes and how they're slowly killing people 🙁

God i'm so pathetic and to think i'm actually responsible for raising 2 children .I feel nothing but shame right now 🙁

My thoughts are with you and I am sure you will find the strength of character to get back to a point of happiness and contentment. Yes you're right about the gambling staying with us forever in our heads, but in order to focus sensibly and deal with urges we must continue to be strong.

Whatever argument you may have with yourself to justify things can be turned around. Whether it be financial woes, anger for losses or frustration with betting sites. We have the power of choice and with determination, as you have shown, we can overcome.

The problem as you know. It's easy become involved with the intention of minimal risk, but it can very quickly get out of control.

You are a good person and a loving mother. You have the right to a better life, but the gateway to this life is not through gambling.

Time to pick yourself up again. Use that anger and pain to strengthen your resolve. Then channel your energy into other worthwhile activities. No point worrying about the money lost. Things will work out, They always do.

Thank you Changemylife for your kind words 🙂

Morning diary

Really not feeling great this morning and being in the house on my own i'm struggling with major urges 🙁 i've got this constant voice in my head telling me if i just play £20 i'll win my money back again and all will be right again ! i feel so irritable and feel like snapping at anything or anyone .Other things in my life aren't going well right now and i feel like i'm drowning with all these problems mounting up and need some kind of release .Sensible me knows that gambling isn't going to make me feel better long term but the other part of me just wants a distraction from life right now while i'm feeling so rubbish 🙁 i'm so angry at myself for feeling like this again when i was doing amazing and went weeks,months without giving gambling a second thought .Now 'm right back to square one and ts all i can thn about .Why do i do this to myself ? why ?

Anyway i'm signing off and hoping i can make it through the day x

Forgot to say one more thing

I'm really sorry guys i'm not writing on anyones diary at the moment i just feel i'm not in a good place right now and can't offer much advice .When i'm feeling stronger i will of course try to support you all in the same way you guys are supporting me 🙂

One thing i'll be repeating over and over today is .....

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP !!!!!!

Alright Sunshine. I can imagine how you feel as if your whole world is in turmoil. But you can get through this. Life is full of ups and downs. Sometimes we just need to take a deep breath and close our eyes for a while. Take yourself out for a walk. Maybe meet up with an old friend for a chat about the good times you've had, and surely will have again. Gambling thoughts can take over and it's not easy to dispel them. But you can, and you must. And sometimes the only way to stop thinking about gambling is to throw yourself into a new project. Pen and paper. Visit to the library. Research. Create. Have fun.

All the best.

Done it again 🙁 🙁 🙁 when will this hell end ??? feeling so sick

Was so bloody cross with myself earlier but now had time to calm down and think about things .Yes i did f**k up again but somehow managed to stop myself and exclude before it became a stupid amount of money ! i know i still relapsed but keep thinking it could've been so much worse so pleased i had a little self control and got myself off that site and excluded !

So dusting myself off and starting a fresh tomorrow 🙂

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP !!!!