fed up with myself

thanx for all your lovely posts and support : ) i felt very proud making it through Flaggs 90 day tread and im now doing the new one in the hope i can make it throught that too . im having a rough week with loads of thoughts of gambling and very strong urges ! its driving me crazy and i keep going on different sites thinking i'll join and just get the welcome bonus but we all know it wouldn't stop there .i feel so stressed at the moment and just really hoping these feeling will pass soon as i really don't want to mess up when iv come so far its just so bloody hard to get rid of these urges .anyways gonna go make tea and keep busy its the only way ! good luck everyone else who's on this journey X

hi sunshine

well done on your achievement, takes a lot of strength to get through this, i done 90+ days then a week tomorrow i relapsed 🙁 so i'm on day 6 again what have i learnt?? that i never win and it wont stop at just £20 i just kept depositing 🙁 £1400 overdraft infact 😮 but in just a week i have got it down to 464 🙂 luckily i had a bit of money put away please don't do this to yourself it really isn't worth it i no you wont its just a thought and they do pass keeping busy really is the key, and reading new people's post's it takes you back to that dark dark place

have a lovely evening and sorry for rambling :/ Hollie xx

Hey,

Always makes me smile to see a post from you! I guess it's a reminder that summer may return one day lol!

I think you are doing so well and I was very happy to see you join the new thread! I will be supporting you all the way cos I know you can do this 🙂

Stay strong,

Flagg

hi diary i messed up ! i feel totally cr** and can't believe i done it again .i have spent the evening crying wondering how am i ever gonna be free from this horrible addiction .i just feel like there's no hope for me i just can't stop myself ! thing is i didn't even enjoy it so why why did i do this ? i just don't even understand myself anymore its crazy i hate myself and hate feeling like this just need a way out from it all .

Hi Sunshire

Just think of it as a wobble and make yourself stronger next time around you done great lasting over 90days and your story be a warning to me as I am at 72days and was thinking I had beat this horrible addiction but guess it is not so simple

Anyway chin up m8 you did the right thing coming back on here straight away and remember if someone told you at the high of your addiction that you only gamble once in 90 days you probally been like me a laught at the idea

Stay strong and take care and remeber just for today I will not gamble

Hugh

thanx Hugh for your kind words ! and never think you have this addiction beat cause thats when your mind plays tricks on you .i have to accept that i will probs never have this beat and just learn to accept and live with the fact i am a bloody gambling addict ! god how i hate saying that : ( .woke up this morning feeling very stressed , banging headach and to top if off its raining outside ! so today is not gonna be a good day but i need to pull myself together and stop mopping .anyway thats all i can say for now . hope everyone else has a good day X

Hi sunshine sorry 2 hear youve had a slip try not to beat youvrself up but i know thats easier said than done iv had dozens and dozens of slips.

You have not buried ur head in the sand and you have come straight back on so try and take comfort frm that.

Try and get ur blocks tighter.

Its a day at a time sunshine

take care

Hey Sunshine,

Really really gutted to hear about your slip 🙁 I know you worked so hard to get past 100 days bet free. I think today is a time to look at those positives. You have come back here which is amazing, it takes real character to do that. You said you didn't enjoy the gambling experience so that's clearly a positive. You have managed a good number of days and months bet free which is also awesome.

I know it is really really hard but honestly your biggest victory will be admitting defeat. Once you have done that you will give the addiction the utmost respect and put all the barriers in place you need to stay bet free for good.

You will get so much support here we all want you to succeed.

Flagg

HI Sunshine,

Sorry to hear about your slip. I am sure you dont feel it but today you are stonger and wiser to this addiction than you was yesterday because you have learnt something. ?

I know its really difficult but you have to try and accept that you are a compulsive gambler and that you can not place 1 single pound because you will just be dragged back into that bottemless pit again.

If you can take that lesson with you as you move forward you are definatly stronger to get some more gamble free days behind you.

Remember its not a mistake if you lean something just another life lesson.

Go easy on yourself sunshine, You can do this you have shown great strength in coming straight back here.

Keep going your heading in the right direction.

Take care

Blondie xxx

thanx everyone for your kind post's and support ! its helping to keep me strong at a time when i feel very weak .its still raining outside .I was gonna take a walk down the shops but really have no motivation to do anything .i hate feeling like this ! im so gutted and disappointed in myself i can't believe i was nearly at 6 months gamble free then screwed up big time ! and it hurts ! hurts alot : ( i feel i need to make more of an effort to come on here and keep posting and also offering support to others ! this will hopefully get be back on track but the way im feeling right now is like there's no hope .i guess to be honest im just really confused as it was going so well and i just don't understand the reason why i done this i mean its not liked i needed to win money or anything i just don't get it .well im gonna go try and do something and i'll post again later but thanx again everyone its so great to know im not on my own X

The sad truth is you done it because your addicted, same for me I didn't the money. I have saved money all year for Xmas so no excuse other than the addiction took hold. I was on the same timescale as you so I know how your feeling and it don't feel good that's for sure. We must appreciate the power of the addiction and never show any weakness. You've done the right thing getting yourself on here - that shows there's hope and lots of it. Keep doing the right things, stay close to the site and it'll soon be another six months gamble free with more to come. Look after yourself and don't let it take hold. In a weeks time things will look a whole lot better.

Hi Sunshine

Nice chatting to you today if you like to drop me a line my addy is Hugh 71 at live dot co dot uk

Hugh

thanx Hugh was nice chatting with you too this afternoon : )

well hello diary guess what ? i bloody well messed up again ! and im so angry at myself right now but the thoughts of trying to win my money back were to powerful and i just couldn't help myself .so im not sure what to do now just feel so lost and so weak plus i keep snapping at people : ( i just really hate all this right now .im trying so hard to stay positive but what with xmas coming i just feel even worse knowing that money should have gone on nice things and enjoying the festive season but as it is i'll just have to struggle through : ( well its my own stupid fault ! i now have to put all my strength into letting the money i lost go and try not to get in an even bigger mess but im so tempted to chase and can't get out of this mindset ! oh well the big fight goes on .anyways i hope everyone else is ok X

I WILL NOT GAMBLE arggggggggg

Sunshine. You have had a slip. Why waste a " good " slip ? My guess is when all the dust settles that with your mind put to it, something positive will emerge that you can learn from.

Remember a slip does nothing to destroy all the hard work that you have put in so far. It is, after all a slip. I know that it is making you feel raw but that will pass. Back on the band wagon with us and strap yourself in .

I am going to say nothing regarding chasing the losses. I think you know that it is like trying to put a fire out with petrol. Hard to admit it is gone but with help here I hope you can see the futility of chasing.

In the words of the great Cornish bard, Hamster " Look at me looking, look, I`m looking, look " 🙂