Festina Lente

Hey steg,

haha that did make me laugh self exclusion from tobaconists 🙂 I think your right remaining gamble free has given me the incentive to tackle other things so smoking is next, I ran round the country park yesterday well i ran half way then walked then ran lol. So just for today I wont kill anyone due to nicotine withdrawel lol.

Hope your well steg, ? I miss your posts they do make me smile .

Blondie x

The Steg is happy in his head and calm in his heart. Life is good because I've stopped making it bad, for 131 days now I ain't gambled, no sireee, not even a raffle ticket. I'm enjoying so much more, trivial things, people, places, everyday ordinary things.

On New years eve, earlier this year I sat alone in a cold tent, watching the world explode in colour before me. I wasn't miserable but I felt distanced from those out enjoying themselves. I would take myself off, in my tent, to try and avoid gambling or because I was skint through gambling. I wrote a pledge down that night, amidst the fireworks that I would quit gambling this year. It took until April before my mind was right but since then I've dedicated myself towards this journey. Life is so, so much better now. More varied, more time, more money, more optimism. I miss camping sometimes but I don't miss waking up blue (literal and metaphoric). Gambling is like any drug, it holds you back as life passes you by. What have I learned thus far? That i can overcome most challenges in life if I really want too, I know now when I'm in a situation which causes me harm and I'm not afraid of life. I no longer want much, I have everything I need, I've found myself again and it's great.

Incidentally, whilst in the tent on New Years, I also pledged that this year I should settle down and get married. With hindsight, I think I just considered this because it was a little lonely looking up at the stars and a little chilly (sharing body heat but have been fun and practical at the time). Yet now with the aforementioned hindsight I'll swerve on that one, maybe in five years or so, best not rush into these things, got all the time in the world. Besides Big Shirley in number 11 wouldnt approve.

Maisie tomorrow, my fatherly duties return which is nice.

Hope you're all well, this is The Steg signing off for the week. Nanoo Nanoo, over and out.

Hi Steve, thanks 4 ur post on my diary. It was nice 2 hear from u 🙂

I'm glad u r ok, well done on 131 days gamble free. U r doing brilliant. It's really good 2 read how much u r enjoying life. Keep making people smile. Have a gr8 time with Maisie, just stay away from the hair dye lol 🙂

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Yo ,

Here there's a sale on in Tescos , for double sleeping sleeping bags .

Well you never know ..........................

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Steve,

Just popping in to say well done on continue this journey 😉

enjoy your time with Maisie it flys by, did'nt realise how quick until mine upped and left and now whenever i see him it is with the gf in tow!

Take Care and Keep Strong

Smiling Lucy

133 days since my decision to quit gambling. I'm still enjoying not being in the mindset of a gambler. It's a nasty habit an awful, wicked disease which respects no one. If I want to gamble or take risks now then I will but in a more positive way. I'll gamble with my personality, my abilities, my self development. I'll risk stepping out of my comfort zones and experience new ways of thinking, seeing things, experiencing things. These are the joyful things I'll risk now. Not gambling in the bookies or in front of the pc for what have I got to lose. Nothing really. Stepping into 'the new' can feel daunting but only misguided fear and insecurities drag us back. I lost my motivation some years back now when I was at my lowest, I was driven to succeed in what I was doing (not just teaching) because I wanted to make the world a better place, sounds corny and idealistic doesn't it. Now, thankfully that motivation has gone and I see the world for what it is, imperfect yet beautiful and I'm just travelling through it without any responsibility other than towards myself and those closest to me.

Finally I've found a new motivation, just to appreciate whatever I do, big or small, significant or insignificant.

There is something pleasant growing inside me which I can't really place into words but it's glowing and feels warm. A calmness. Whatever drove me to gamble, waste and destruct hopefully is subsiding. My journey is not nearly over, I feel as if it's just beginning.

G'night all, these Nytol are sh*te, I ate about seven two hours ago and I'm still wide awake!

Oh well, 1 sheep, 2 sheep, 3 sheep, 4 sheep, 5 sheep etc etc zzzzzzzzzzzzz f**t zzzzzzzzzzzz cough zzzzzzzzzzzz open window zzzzzzzzzzz

1001 sheep, 1002 sheep, 1003 sheep, 1004 shee....

Look into my eyes....... Look into my eyes...... and....... sleeppppppp !!

Hope you got some last night... oh errr misses.. and some sleep lol.

Great post steg. Life is to damm complicated and short to stress about s**t.......

Happy maisie day. Enjoy.

Blondie x

Afternoon,

I would consider myself semi intelligent and an educated kinda guy but why Sheep? Strange isn't it, why not water droplets from a tap or dust particles on a shelf?

Anyway, before the sheep counting must say that was some post there mate. Really is one big bright marker that you are thoroughly enjoying recovery and have no intention of going back to the life that was. I reckon if we were both 100% honest neither of us thought we would get this far. Infact just read our first few posts you can see it was a struggle. Look at you now!!

Hope that positive energy remains my friend it's pulling others forward too!

Flagg

"A calmness"

That's exactly how I feel when I am not gambling.

So why gamble?

NT

At 134, had a lovely day with Maisie yesterday and with myself of course, cos at the moment I'm pretty good company. Took her incognito to the gymnasium, she loved it and did so well making me feel proud.

Afterwards, we played basketball and walked Basil (my sister's dog who I'm minding). She loves dogs, more than me in fact but I'm not complaining. Later on we watched Diary of a Wimpy Kid Dog Days, very funny. Then my Nephew turned up out of the blue from Spain, im his Godfather too, I suggested we went fishing, it was an offer he couldn't refuse. The fishing was terrible but the talking was good.

It's fair to say I'm loving life at the moment, of course I'm a realist, life is filled with ups and downs, good times follow bad as bad times follow good. It's easy I suppose not to gamble when things are rosy, it's when things turn sour, that will be when I'll be tested. Yet surely through the last 4 months I've learned so much and grown as a person. Surely then, I'll be in a better position to stay firm when clouds encroach upon the horizon. Who knows, who cares, it's not about the future, it's not about the past, it's about now. Right now I don't want to gamble, long may that continue and long may that continue for you all.

Steve

Lovely post, Steve.

We all need to be reminded what life is like when we don't gamble. It is also important to remember that there will still be bad days but as long as they are not gambling related then we can get through those bad days much more easily.

Have a good day.

NT

Yo,

Just spent an hour searching for joke about insomnia .

No one hit the mark , but I my eyes lids are starting to feel really heavy , so maybe I have found you a cure 🙂

Have a grrrrrrrrreat weekend ........

Shiny xxxxxxxx

Mornin Steve

Well my last post to u was two weeks ago and u changed ur name that day and only now av I just picked it up I was the same with shiny and footprints so at least I'm consistent

Over the last 2 weeks u av wrote some fantastic but simple posts on how life should be lived and not costing u a penny at all , part from cinema also went to see diary of a wimpy kid with daughter was just under a tenner for both of us thank goodness it wasn't 3 d it would av doubled ! And don't get me started on the pick n mix and all the other food , the staff should wear black and white stripes masks with a swag bag lol but the kids love it and that's what it is all bout

I can remember plenty of times not been able to afford to go or just sat there wondering how long was left has I Greta horse running that afternoon , giving them our full attention is so important to them and to us

We're both in a much better position financially but most importantly mentally so we can see what they need and give it to them

Take care

Castle2

136 and everything is still great. Whatever happens in life, however dark it gets, things can always be turned around, I must remember this, always.Like Flagg said, when I started this abstinance I never truly believed it would work, for to be honest I've tried and tried to give up gambling all my life. Unsuccessfully. I'm not cured, I'll always be an addict and in dark days ahead I will long to gamble, when that time comes then I shall face those thoughts and temptations. At the moment I don't wish to gamble, I see no reason too. I'm not escaping from anything, I'm content not bored, I'm not feeling the pull of any greed. Instead I'm in a nice place. I have to try and remain here mentally although life, as it does, will pull and push me from time to time. Yet the difference now is, I know the person I want to be and indeed how to get there. Feeling strong, looking forward to challenges ahead, best to face challenges than live in fear of them. take care all, have a good week, prayer the rain goes off because i'm spending a night under the canopy of distant and twinkling stars. Magical.

Steve the homeless tramp.