Festina Lente

Hi Steve, where are you based now mate? The Zap club wow, that brings back memories. Brighton is wonderful in the Summer, so many places to enjoy and drink, so much culture. The fishing is East Sussex isn't great to be honest. There are a couple of little gems but the majority of better lakes are in Kent (Monk Lakes, Elphicks, Hawkhurst Farm).

Well done on finishing fourth, I won't ask how many entered, I will assume it was over twenty 😉

Have a good weekend and keep up the good work. PS Well done on half a century mate, love the Cricket speech, Goochy will be proud and you are not out yet, stamp those bookies into submission!!

Wilsy.

When I ramble I don't gamble, it's true, the urge dissipates. I don't mean hiking across *** or mountains like what Ronnie does with his mates, although thinking about it that would be just as effective. What I mean is, when you write down anything it somehow reinforces your determination not to silently sneak off, cut yourself off and indulge in a little bet or two.

So for what it's worth here's my ramble. I fished last night in a match. I expected to win, have those 'so called fishermen' in tears as I emptied the pond of every living fish. I lost. To make matters worse I attracted every horse fly in the North West to feed on my body. They bothered no one else only me, why is that? Have these seasoned fishermen become hardened, immune to there sucking proboscis. I sadly react very badly to there bites, histamine is released into the area and I swell up in bulbous, itching rashes. I got bit everywhere and I look like the g**P at a paintball free for all. But why me and no one else, I had to find the answers so this afternoon I took my daughter and two nieces to the same spot to see if these foul flying pests are attracted to others apart from me. Nothing, they were ok, I even got them to jog around a bit to increase their carbon dioxide exhalations. Nothing. However, I got bitten even more. Am I poo flavoured? Horse flies! I hate them. Steve

Yo

I really did chuckle at that one.

You really are a terror, I think I've got no choice but report you to the NSPC

Maybe those flies are attract to the wickedness circulating your blood, first the graveyard, now flies to see if they are bitten, what ever next ..........

Dusty xxxxxx

Whoooah Dusty, relax its ok, in the name of science it's all ok. Remember that 'Jenner' fella who injected that kid with cowpox then smallpox. Made him a hero because he found a cure. They just brushed his other 47 failed attempts under the carpet. Monkeys in space, smoking beagles. Name of science it's all good. They're tough kids, they have to be. Treated them to a trip to the circus afterwards for a reward and a water fight, they had hand held plant sprayers, very gentle, I had the hose. No contest.

Another fine day today, it'd be easy to waste it with a gamble. Day 51, single 11, double tops for you darters out there. I'm not going to gamble, going to take my daughter swimming. Can't stop itching though and these rashes now the size of saucers look nasty. Next week when I fish, it'll be under a net not in shorts and sandles, looked like a fell out of a Wham video, ridiculous.

Stay strong, ramble, don't gamble. Steve

good morning Steve... looks like life is rosy for you at the time (apart from attracting d**n flies :)) keep it going with such simply pleasures and ramble more... all the best. K.

Cheers Kristoff, hope you're well. Day 52. Will not bet today. Keep strong all and I hope you have a nice day, Steve

Good morning to you toooooo,

I'm looking for the fattest worm, your excuse ?

Maybe you were hoping. If I get out about early, you might avoid the rays , or the flies.

What ever have a good day, and be nice to the kids !

Dusty xxxxx

Lol, woke up early. Went out for a drive at sunrise, like 28 days later, lovely when no one is around. The sun I can handle now, but d**n those flies, I'm still all blotchy and swollen. Covered in camomile lotion which reminds me of being a kid again with chickenpox. The kids are safe (touch wood) back with their mothers. So the day is mine. If you find that worm keep hold of it for me as I'm going fishing later, take care, Steve.

Never gambled today, bit bored. Went for a walk in the countryside. Isn't it hot! Is it just me. Days like this I'd be in, with the curtains closed gambling online. Sad but there's no point in regrets. Must try and keep positive. On a plus note, not a single bite from my walk. The flies which were on me were only drinking my sweat, which is ok. I've realised that horse flies tend to hang around drainage ditches looking for a feed then lay their eggs in the stagnant water so if I avoid these places I'll be ok, I think.

This time two years ago, I gambled away all my savings in a binge, with no job, no income and semi paralysed I was in a real self destructive mode. I had a two grand overdraft at the time and not really caring about the future I placed the whole of it on a horse. Of course it lost, only just I seem to remember. You then go through the self loathing stage, the increased depression. I swore on my own life I'd never gamble again. I borrowed the two grand from my mother and paid back the bank. Much to her disgust and worry. I self excluded myself from every online bookmakers. Then someone hacked into my PayPal account and ordered a few hundred pounds worth of cheap jewellry to Scotland, (wasn't you was it Cameron?). It all got sorted but I had to be issued with a new bank card. Out of interest I decided to try and open a new account online, sure enough, I was accepted. The temptation was too much. Within 40 mins I'd lost another £2000 and was left holding a broken pencil. Still no job, no money, semi paralysed but now £4000 in debt. Time for an even greater helping of self loathing, depression and humble pie as I had to again ask my family to bail me out. It took me a year or do to pay it back, basically selling everything I owned. It felt quite relieving actually getting rid of all those possessions and having no money whatsoever. You ate so much happier when you can't gamble, even when you win you're stressed out because you know that sooner or later things are going to turn sour. Despite all this I still gambled, been gambling since, never put me off, just felt like a setback that's all. Only now am I beginning to see things differently, beginning to see just how gambling effects you and those around you, how it consumes everything in life. Still not there yet, had plenty of false dawns and I'll always be wary but I'm staying strong and I really want to turn my life around. I don't want to ever feel self destructive and be blind to consequences. Today I never gambled, I swam, cycled, ate cake, walked and sweated a lot. Take care all, Steve. Edging closer to contentment.

Hi Steve,

Thats one mighty powerful post there, you sure have came a long way from the depths of despair.

Youre one of the most inspirational people on here, and you say it like it is, no hidden agendas with you Steve, you shoot from the hip !

Never give up on the fight mate, I know you may think Ive got a nerve saying that when I had my slip last week, but honestly, its folks like me who draw strength from guys like you.

One day I hope to be where you are now, and without the help and encouragement I get on here I would probably fail.

One of the best things I ever did was find this site and meet you guys, who I see as friends.

Stay strong mate, and honest to god, it wasnt me who used your card - 2 years ago I didnt even have a computer, only got this one for xmas from my son !! I also have stooped low in my time gambling but its always been to my own shame, and having to go cap in hand to family - theres not a worse feeling in the world, and most of us have done it at some point.

Stay strong friend, onwards and upwards

All the Best

Cameron

Hi Steve, what a gr8 post!

I just want 2 say I think u r inspirational, u r doing sooo well, ur determination shines thru. I like reading ur posts u have a habit of making me smile so thanks 🙂

I'm glad the flies stayed away 2day lol

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Hi Steve

Fantastic post just to remind us where we av all been and exactly where we don't want to go back to , there's always a lot of talk on here bout not lookin back and always look forward and mostly u would agree but posts like that reminds us off the dangers of what we could fall back to and I think it's important we never forget

U av come so far Steve and life is now def rewarding u it's diaries like yours that sets an example to all

Keep moving forward but the odd look back won't hurt and it certainly helped me

Castle2

Morning Steve,

Thanks for your reply on mine, it does my old ticker good to hear from you.

As you can tell from the responses you've got from others re your open hearted post, you are very highly thought of on this site, thats the measure of the man you are.

So look in the mirror bud and BELIEVE that the guy looking back at you is a truly good, honest and sincere individual, one that has so much to give in life, and who many know they can turn to when the chips are down (no pun intended !! ).

The past is exactly where it belongs, so as a whole we shall all move on from this, and become the people we were born to be.

Have a great gamble free day friend, cast your line and catch all the feelgood that you can !!

All the Best

Cameron

hi steve,

thanks for being the first who posted for my 50 days mark!just read your last post, you ve been through a lot.but i ll keep your last words that you dont want anymore to be self destructive.thats exactly what i want too.every day that passes and we dont gamble is a better day for our souls.we ve been egoists, self destructive,maybe silly but we STOPPED.we stopped gambling.gambling and the money we lost are past.we look forward.

take care mate!

mike 50 WHOLE DAYS FREE!

Steve every time i read your diary i feel myself nodding in agreement and i really get your sense of humour.

Onwards to day 67 that number means a lot 2 me but il not say why haha.

I could just imagine the 2 of us coming out of an ole bookies like ghosts at 923 pm wit the heads wrecked looking 4 our cars haha.

Sad thing is that will have happened up and down the U.K. Today pain.com