First step

Hi there,

I will call myself James, I have a problem with addiction. I am addicted to online gambling. I have been forced to post on this site by my partner even though at the moment I don’t see how it will help me, maybe just admitting to what I have done will help, who knows. Anyway I have been gambling online since the spring of 2011 when, my partner our son and myself moved into a new flat in north London. On reflection, the rent on the flat was higher than we could afford and slowly we began to struggle financially. It was at this time that I began playing blackjack on online gambling websites. At first it was for small amounts £10, £25 but I found that when I won I really enjoyed it, even though as we all know blackjack is a game of completely random chance and very little skill. Soon I was betting more and more, from starting at £1 - £2 a hand I was playing multi-hand tables of 5 hands at a time for £10 each hand, I kept the gambling on credit cards so it remained a secret and to a degree I kept on top of it. In May 2011 we moved out of London, back to South West England as I had managed to get a better job. We were now living virtually rent free and I was being paid almost double the amount I had been before. However, with our improved circumstances came new expenses, car repayments, loan repayments etc. It was at this point I began to play online poker. Again starting with reasonably small amounts I added to my credit card bills, which were now not being paid off quite so much as before due to various direct debits and expenses. At this point I was not playing a huge amount or gambling large amounts. However, the new job did not work out and after 6 months I had to find another job. The new job did not pay as well as the one I moved my family for, and it was at this time that I began to feel pressure from the increased amounts leaving my bank account and the decreased amounts coming in. At this time I think my credit card had around £2,000 on it with a £10,000 limit. I decided that the only way to balance the books was to start playing blackjack again but for larger amounts of money. I thought that if I say put in £50 a day and won back £10 - £20 a day it would only take a few months to sort out the credit cards and, who knows I might have a little bit left over to spend on the family. My partner was now pregnant and this made me feel as though I had little choice but to continue with my plan. Needless to say things didn’t go exactly to plan and although some days I doubled my money, others I lost quickly and I was soon enjoying the adrenaline from doubling down or splitting on a large bet, the outcome seemed secondary. My credit card limit meant I could always add more funds and once I had lost £50 in a day I would add £100 in order to recuperate my losses. This escalated quickly and soon I would be betting quantities of up to £500 hand. Of course with the increased risks came increased payouts but by this point I only had a rough idea of how much I was winning and losing. I knew that every day I was running the risk of really putting myself into trouble. Conversely it was this fear that served to only heighten the rush of the victory or the near-miss. After one particularly good day I was £3,800 in credit on my account. When I tried to cash out the amount I was informed by the online casino that they only allow members to cash out £15,000 per month and I was on this limit. I couldn’t believe that I had cashed out this much because I was still in exactly the same place financially, but I checked my history and it was true. In fact I was down £3,000. All I had to do was wait until the end of the month and I would be able to cash out and be £800 up. I simply couldn’t do it, 2 days later I was back online betting £1,000 a hand and of course in a matter of minutes it was all gone. I had also been playing online poker with money from my current account …… I’ve written enough for tonight and I will continue another day.