For everything I did wrong, I did many things right

Think dippy me, but saying century club a year feels like a century to me lol, to not place even one single penny on any form of gambling is bloody hard going, so will say welcome to the next POSiTIVEnew year, you certainly haven't let gambling fry your brain anymore.

Suzanne xxx

Suzy

I am delighted to read that you have joined the 3 % club, without doubt it's a huge achievement, for it you should be very proud of your efforts.

Day 366 has equally just as much reason for celebrating

Because through your efforts that compulsive gambler's mantra has been turned upside down

I did win because I did stop.

I salute you.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Day 366

Thank you all for your comments. It really does mean a lot to log in and see the postings. So looking back on the last year makes me feel uncomfortable. Gambling had taken over my head and it had gotten so bad that I had to take leave of absence from work to deal with it. That turned out to be one of my smartest moves ever. It gave me a chance to go to CBT and to try to learn all I could about how gambling takes control of your brain. My gambling was out of control and no matter how I tried to change my strategies, it was only going to escalate further. I would never wish to go back to those times. The urges to gamble still hit me hard from time to time but I know this is normal. It is how I choose to respond to these urges that count. I am grateful to Suzanne and Duncs for their continued support through the last year. I needed someone in front of me to see what was around the next corner so I followed their journeys. I am doing my best to embrace recovery. For part of the year I just managed to resist gambling. But that doesn't build strong foundations. I have to go up a gear to stay in recovery. Anyway a year later and I am happy and healthy. I am flying it at work as my head is clear and I can work easily and come up with ideas. I spend quality time with my family and I sleep better at night. I still take it a day at a time, but it definetely is worth it. Suzy

Thanks For dropping by Suzy with your continuing support, it is appreciated.

Hey you are doing brill yourself, enjoy everything that recovery gifts us,

Take care

Suzanne xxx

Hi Suzy and thank you for support on my diary. Yay you are doing so brill yourself and am great to read your positive posts. Keep going and take care Mary x

Day 392

Really struggling this week with the green eyed monster.....jealousy and buckets loads of envy. It started creeping into my thoughts last weekend and has gotten worse as the week progressed. Everyone seems to have endless cash. I seem to be surrounded by people who can buy all around them. It was really niggling away at me and brought back feelings from the past when everyone was playing happy families and I was left on the sidelines. I couldn't seem to shake it off and this evening I googled it and came up with lots of advice to reduce it.... Dr Phil made a lot of sense. Sometimes those who have not gambled in years say you have to fix what is wrong before you can stay away from gambling. I used to think well there wasn't anything wrong to fix. Tonight I could remember all the times I was envious. There were a lot of times. Maybe I am finally uncovering something here. I found the Internet stuff on reducing envy put things into perspective. How much money do I want before I am happy? It goes back to the gambling, no win was ever enough. I have to be happy with enough to live on and try to increase my happiness not material stuff. If I didn't research it, I don't think I would have slept tonight but as Dr Phil says I thought myself into this, now I have to think my way out of it. I have to change my thoughts patterns and quit worrying what my sister has, what my neighbours have and what cars my friends drive. Envy like gambling is hidden. But on the inside it is exhausting. It would have sent me to online slots in the past but these days I figure things out and move on. Take care all, Suzy

HI Suze, strange that you feel this now as I had a really bad day yesterday because my Mum is busy gambling away her inheritance whilst I sit & wait the fall out! I have money, I don't need more but I hate that she has money & hasn't offered me a single penny of rent or towards the holiday I am taking my niece & nephew on (again) or my wedding or any of the many bailouts that I have stood (more fool me) her over the years! Equally, she wants me to contribute 'my half' to stuff that she thinks is beneficial to the kids & loves pointing out that I wouldn't have been in this luxurious position had she not had her demons! I too would have gone straight back to gambling, ahhh who am I kidding, I would have been doing the same if not faster had I not found recovery but who is the winner...I know it's me! Once again, I look to your diary for inspiration & advice & now I too will be speaking to Dr Phil so that I can figure this out & move on!

Keep winning Suzy - ODAAT

Success is getting what you want
Happiness is wanting what you get

Keep going Suzy &; Odaat. Your abstinence has been amazing & has enabled you both to begin to think more clearly & objectively about your addiction. Push on through the terror & pain of facing the past & your future will never need to revisit your old ways of dealing with the resentments you have felt. Only by dealing with our pain, anger & resentment of past misdeeds done by both ourselves & our perception of what others have done to us can we leave all that baggage behind & no longer continue to let it keep dragging us back under. You both seem to me to be at that crucial period that determines what happens long term around our addiction. We can go back to burying our head in the sand & pretend everything is great because we are no longer gambling or we can start to honestly look at some of the factors that lead us there in the first place. I know which one leads to happiness & serenity & which one in my experience eventually leads us back to addiction. You are both obviously smart cookies, take the leap its scary & daunting but o so worth it.

Dan x

Thanks for sharing Suzy and Junnnnie, can relate to both, and thanks Dan for your inspiring words that do make total sense.

Suzanne xxx

Day 394,

Huge thanks for the replies Junnie, Dan & Suzanne. I completely agree with the comments and I have started to look deeper into why I feel so envious. At the moment I am coughing & spluttering with a head cold so I will keep my post short. No urges or desire to gamble. Suzy

Hi Suzy,

Am popping into to say a fantastic well done on passing the double double century mark 🙂 403 days is awesome.

Proud of you.

OAU always

Suzanne xxx

Aaah hope you feeling a bit better Suzy. Cant believe how many coughs and colds are around at the moment and we are in the middle of summer! The envy thing,, I had an ex sister in law who admitted she was envious of most people around her and she was never satisfied with her house and decor. Always changing everything and her poor hubby almost left her as he was the one doing most of the work lol. But i admired her for admitting how she felt as she did say it wasnt something she enjoyed feeling and was very draining. Dont let it rule your life as I know people always say look at what you have and not what you havent but easier said than done. Think sometimes its a symptom that we are a little lost in life and need a little excitement! am sure you will find your own little paradise and do remember happiness and health really are worth more than any amount of money. And wowee 403 days well worth celebrating.

take care Mary xx

Hi Suzy,

Thanks for that, relating to what I posted, yes we are on right path, even though it's painful at times, your diary title is so appropriately right at this time lol.

You are doing great too,

Stay strong.

Suzanne xxx

Hey Suzy, thanks for dropping by & my cheeky mention on the challenge 🙂

Looks like I missed your double double (soz) 🙁 But...Way to go on 417 🙂 I hope life is getting easier for you now you too are basking in the sun everyday!

You are right, I did waste too long on Mr G but I am grateful that he has opened up this world of cyber friends to me because you have supported & encouraged me in a way that no-one outside this forum could ever understand or appreciate & for that I am truly grateful!

Keep making those right choices ODAAT & if Mr G comes calling, give him a kick from me - Juuuuuunie

Day 421

It feels so good to be able to write such a large number of days! Yes it's still one day at a time but the upside of the bigger numbers is that the urges are weaker, there is more time between urges and I know how to handle them. Not complacent but making the right choices on a daily basis. I find myself looking back on the past now and am beginning to see why I used gambling as an escape for so long. It is still very much work in progress but I am trying slowly but surely to improve my mindset. This is the only way to ensure I don't relapse. Reading the diaries on a daily basis is still very much part of my day. Life does get better and there is a much better life without all the highs and lows of gambling. Have a great weekend all. Suzy