For my tiny son

You can do this . Youve come to the right place. You your wife and son are in my prayers.

Thanks for your post and support - I've let people down and when you need to act as a support to others but your breaking down inside its so difficult. When that last bet lost I was weirdly relieved as it meant gambling was over.

Thanks for your post and support - I need to be supporting others and it's nonsense to be having these demons and worries going on at the same time when I can stop them. Weirdly when that last bet lost I was relieved as it meant that was over.

@Change, My heart goes out to you, your wife and your little sun buddy, trust me you are anything but a worthless person.. I think you are an inspiration and you've helped me out more than you could ever imagine.

Your in a position nobody ever would wish to be in.. seeing loved ones in discomfort, it's a natural instinct to want to take yourself off into your own world momentarilly, but you have to do what is best for you and your family. You say you went back to gambling for the right reasons - but please stop and consider your recovery for a moment. I have to tell you what is on my mind.. are there really any right reasons to gamble, or is your mind playing tricks to justify the gambling?

I too can share the feelings you have of relief when the last bet loses.. this feeling is what started off my most recent sequence of abstaince, I pray and hope that this is just the thing you needed to happen in your life to kick start a healthy and long period of abstainance.

You have taken big steps by closing the account. When you feel connected to a particular site in the way that you clearly did (I did too), it feels like you are losing a part of yourself when you close the account forever, but you have done something fantastic and life changing by doing so. Keep looking forwards. Be there for your family. Best wishes bud.

-Ryan

Ryan - that post really meant something to me. I'm a zombie right now. I'm really struggling to cope. I'm exhausted and I need to stop gambling forever. I can't succeed at it but I can succeed at other things if I stop. Now is really the time for me to quit... it should have happened two weeks ago but today is now the day. I've said it all before and it's proved to be just words but I need to do it this time. I can't go on wasting energy in such a pointless way.

Hi change

What you are having to deal with it at the moment would be everyone's worst nightmare. As a fellow cg I can understand when you say going back to the gambling released you from some of what you are dealing with. Coming to this forum though, you obviously know within yourself that it is not the answer and well done for self excluding.

I wish I had some words of wisdom to give you but am only in the early days of my own recovery after major relapse, but your story touched my heart and gives a lot of perspective on things and just wanted you to know YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS and now you have a special son that you must be strong for.

Sending you lots of positive vibes and will keep you, your wife and little son in my prayers. Stay strong and keep posting.

Tina x

Hi Change,

You have certainly been through it and I can totally relate to gambling as being a form of escapism. When you are in that zone nothing else matters and you have only one thing to worry about - winning. Of course once it's over you feel terrible - but it doesn't mean you are a bad person. You and I have an illness. It's addiction and it's a hard wired habit. The fact that you are here and have closed down your chosen mode of gambling is a massive step forward. You can't undo the past and that's hard to accept sometimes. However you said it yourself - there are no short cuts. Focus on the future and being there for your wife and son. Take it slow, one day at a time and forgive yourself. Addiction loves negativity and hates positivity. Your energy and spirit will come back as your recovery continues. Gift yourself a gambling free day to day. Mark

Hi Change,

It sounds like you have had a really rough time of it lately. Be kind to yourself. Today is a new day with endless positive possibilities. I really hope that things improve for yourself, your wife and your son soon.

With my very best wishes.

Dave

Thanks for all your kind messages. Day 1 is underway again. Another tough day but no gambling happening. I had the thoughts of withdrawing whatever money I could and just sticking on something hoping for a win but they lasted for 10 seconds and my mind went back to the most important things in my life. I still need to accept that losses are gone and no quick route to paying off my credit card. I will get there.

Overriding thought over lunch is that if I can stop gambling everything will be turn out better. I'll have the money I need to support my family. I'll have the time and energy to dedicate to them. I'll be a decent husband and dad. Just got to stop and turn things around.

Hi change hope you can sort yourself out I had to look a lot deeper in myself to realise my intensity of gambling yes it's an addiction that will always be with me but understanding yourself is a real eye opener I had cbt therapy and still do every few months it helped me massively good luck my friend.

The bear

Hi Bear - thanks for your post - what's cbt therapy? It could be something I could look into if you could explain. Thanks in advance.

First day done. Dedicated time fully to my wife and son and it felt good. Still a long way to go on all counts but positive first day from an abstinence perspective... for the third but very last time!

Just sat having a brew and had an amazing day dream of what it will be like to be gamble free and have a Christmas this year gamble free with my family. I really want that dream to be reality. It gave me an extra bit of motivation so I wanted to post it.