fresh start

@s-687 as me and you know mate it easier said than done. But your right in everything you say. It’s got to the point where I just want to play them even though I know I can’t win. That how bad my mind is screwed up with them machines 

The machines take just enough concentration where you don't have to think or feel anything real. Ive sat next to many a person mindlessly pressing the buttons just like I would be, until all available funds have gone.

We all know its daft and sometimes the embarrassment of doing it has actually stopped me doing it. I don't know what the staff are thinking just watching these poor souls pressing buttons silently for hours on end or getting all angry as if it was a conspiracy that there numbers didn't come up again or the feature missed yet again!

As for the bookies taking a level of responsibility, its a joke. What's the point in the machine stopping you gambling for a few seconds when you have already lost a bunch of money. They know perfectly well that gamblers want there money back.

As always the only way we can make a difference is by not taking that first gamble.

Like you say... its not easy.

@s-687  done it again another grand down. Another betting shop I have had to add to Moses ?

Feeling down but I know for certain I can’t ever go in a betting shop ever again. I like to put lucky 15 on the horses but I can’t do that anymore. That will take some enjoyment away but can’t take any more losses on the fobt. Need to keep telling my brain even if I won it would just be a loan I’d give them it back plus much more.

@boro 

Hi

Walking in to the recovery program I did not understand that in time I would abstain from my addictions, yet more importantly I would heal  my hurt inner child.

Once I understood when I was emotionally vulnerable that reacting in such unhealthy ways I was making things much worse in my life.

In time I would also understand because I was emotionally vulnerable I was not an evil stupid or a weak person, because of the pains that were caused up on me in my  child hood I could not cope with how my feelings and emotions.

I have heard some people say that some feelings and emotions were bad or some were good, in my recovery I would understand that living in certain ways was healthy or not healthy.

The recovery program was non religious for me.

In time understanding my emotional triggers I would be able to cope with events in much healthier ways, I would contact people and talk myself down to dealing with situations in  much healthier ways.

I would also understand that because of unhealed pains in my life I lived in far to many fears, and because of unhealed pains I would try and escape in so many ways.

For me the addictions and obsessions were just indicators of how vulnerable I was, recovery for me is a healing process thing, it was not possible for me to heal every pain in a few days.

For sure my gambling made things much worse and unhealthy for me.

Money was never going to buy me happiness, money was never going to heal the hurt child in me that hid behind his fears.

In time by sharing with like minded healthy people I would find how to cope with life and events in much healthier ways.

When people share with a sponsor it is often a two way street, we learn from each other.

Things that use to cause me to go instantly in to a full blown rage now make me laugh.

Often I question when I was last angry, sadly it is often hard to remember and that makes me laugh.

Some people think that reading text will help me find healing and resolve, for me talking at an emotional level and having a healthy intimacy where there is little fear in me helps me get past testing time.

Just because a person has been clean for a long time will not always indicate the person is healed and found emotional resolve in their life.

Clean time only indicates that I have stopped causing myself and others pains for a time.

Yet only by my abstaining gives me any chance of healing the hurt inner child in me.

It took along time to become productive in my life, I use to fear computers, I use to fear the opposite s*x, I use to fear being honest, I use to fear emotional intimacy, I use to fear asking for help, I use to fear people being aggressive, I use to fear being myself, I use to fear failure or making mistakes, I use to fear taking my mask down and let see people see the real me.

How healthy do I want to be today, what is the limit of my full potential.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham

Cheers Dave 

A week ago today was when I totally lost the plot on fobt over a £1000 worth of that bar going up and down with only a little chance of hitting the little tiny bit of green. What was I thinking what have I been thinking the last 20 years. The realisation I can never go in a betting shop again because them machines suck me in and I can’t stop when I go on them. So the aim is don’t go in betting then I’m not tempted. Pretty much bared myself from all local betting shop. Feeling ok at the moment 

Everything ok today got my daughter after I finish work. So something to look forward to. Must think about my two daughters if ever I get the urge to go on fobt again 

Start work at 4 ??. No gambling for 9 days ?

Two days off work no thoughts of gambling. Spending time with my family 

Hi Boro,

Well done for the last few days stopping. If you got any spare cash spend it on your daughters I'll bet they're 2 lovely girls & deserve it so much. 

Best

Al

@boro No thank you

@slowlearner even tho I have always lost a fortune gambling I have always made sure it doesn’t effect them. But now I realise when I have lost these past few years I always think what could I have bought my daughters with that it hurts but it has still not stopped me. I need to keep telling my brain I can’t ever go in a betting shop again. Cheers for your comment al 

@boro

No thank you.

For your sharing and your recovery 

Dave L

@boro 

Hi

I am the expert slow learner it took me about 20 years to understand myself and to change unhealthy habits in to healthy habits.

Sadly the truth is the addictions and obsessions only indicated how much pain I was not healing.

The addictions and obsessions only caused more unhealthy pains and unhealthy fears.

I was not able to love myself while I was being unhealthy.

So I was not able love other people.

In a way I was there physically for them, sadly I was not there for them emotionally.

I now understand now that is a form of emotional abandonment.

In understanding that I now understand that my parents were traumatized from their unhealthy past.

I now understand that my expectations of my parents was hurting myself.

They could not give me some thing they did not have.

As you get healthier and healthier pains healed, fears reduced and reduce your expectations of people life and situations more intimacy and less boredom you will heal the hurt inner child in you will be less fearless than at any other time in your life.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L