Fresh start

Cheers AP. Just seen that your on 70 days! That's excellent, well done. Will be 100 before you know it.

How are coping? I had a thought about the upcoming football in the summer. 2 games each day, adverts and offers all over the shot. Going to be tough for me, and by the time it starts I will be over 50days, so in a similar position I was last relapse. Got all blocks in place and I'm hoping will power will steer me through. Will be strange not betting on an international tournament though.

RA

Hi RA - I'm keeping it together and the urges haven't changed. Most of the time I hardly think about gambling, but I've had a load of stress recently and really wanted to escape into FOBT heaven ( which would be followed shortly by hell).

It was really close - I'd pretty much given in to just a tenner but the thought of having to explain myself on here was just not worth it! Once I'd had the thought the idea was in my head and it took a couple of days to go. I walked different routes to work to avoid going past some bookies.

In some ways I think I've got it easier RA - if you'd seen me gamble, you'd know it was problematic. Didn't do it with mates, family, just me and it never felt like a cheeky flutter.

Much of Europe will put some money on the football though and I can sense your desire to be normal and just do a small bet. But gambling doesn't have a normal effect on us, it flicks a switch and we're back to square one.

You've got two weeks to prepare yourself and you're thinking about it seriously so I can only wish you well. Last time you relapsed you hadn't relapsed before (?) so at least you're better prepared and know the danger. Let me know if I or sports betters on here can help - it's what the forum is for.

Best, AP.

Still GF. Not been giving the gambling too much of a thought, mainly been thinking about how much nicer it will be to have money again. This is exactly the same thought process as before though. I have some events coming up over the summer that I need money for so this must be my motivation and I need to keep that in mind should any urges develop.

I still feel it's going to be a tough ride when the Euros are on. I will be very chuffed with myself if I get to the end of that without laying a penny on it. I am determined though!!!!

RA

You sound determined RA! Maybe I'm making my struggle more than it is - I come on here a few times a week, focus on my gambling issues, think about why I had to get fixated, couldn't casually gamble and leave it.

I'm scared to let the addiction go out of view because I fear a moment of weakness to undo my 76 days - I read about relapses on here and it could so easily be me.

I suspect I will never know I'm cured - I will always have to keep the triangle broken when alcohol involved or I'm stressed or bored. It's a life sentence for me.

You make it seem easy RA and maybe it needs to be - either way I'm hoping you can do the next six weeks without a penny on the football.

All the best mate, AP.

Hi AP.

I have days when it's easier, but days when I feel like I could just do a quick £5, and have to remind myself I can't. I don't think there ever is a point we are 'cured'. I thought about that a lot when I first attempted to give up. I couldn't imagine never ever gambling again, and always had in my head that an end point would be the day when I can bet £5 and leave it at that. I now know that will never be the case as I can't stop, and that's one of the main differences for me this time.

I certainly don't think your making more of it than it is. It's something that should be taken seriously and one day at a time. I still come here most days and read a few new posts. I rarely post on others as I don't feel I can offer an awful lot, and there are people who can give much better advise than me.

It sounds like your doing a really good job mate, and keeping on your toes which is a key thing. Just try to think how gutted you would be having to reset that day counter whenever you have an urge. You are getting closer to that 100 days. Keep up the good work!!!

RA

Urges have picked up a bit today. Mainly because I have nothing to do all day and realised I have a bit of spare cash saved from doing exactly the opposite of what I want to do now.

Strongest urges I have had in the 30 odd days so far, so I am coming on here in a bid to clear my mind.

Have a good bank holiday everyone

RA

The question is, what are you going to differently this time, as you want to gamble and your triangle is intact? Fighting with yourself at this point probably won't work long term.

Can you go to GA? Call GC? Then break the money side of the triangle?

Willpower works better to force yourself to break the triangle and get external support. It melts away in the face of temptation.

Wish you well.

CW

Hi RA - about time you tested yourself with some urges!! Nice one for coming on here and apologies for not getting back sooner - half term for kids so in part of UK that was doing a bloody good impression of a rainforest in monsoon season! No Internet either.

More importantly though - how have you done this time of temptation? It's horrible getting your thinking taken over, but when the urges eventually recede (and even the bad ones will), you realise that you can resist them and that helps for next time.

I personally think that overcoming this for good needs you to work out what made you gamble. A way that you think about yourself or want people to think about you - someone smarter than others to beat the system is the common self delusion. You may need to pick through your gambling history - any times when you've been made to feel amazing by people you value for the scale or regularity of a win? You might find it useful to imagine how these people would respond if they knew you'd put it all back again and more. I'm doing this - removing positive memories, trying to recall the bad times (far more of them, but hard to remember any in detail) to restore some balance.

Being a gambler isn't something to want to be - you're after something for nothing at best and cruelly self deluded and pathetic to most onlookers when you're showing your compulsion.

Let us know how you've been coping RA and if the "weeding your memories" idea makes any sense.

Cheers for now buddy, AP

Evening AP. Hope you had a good half term week, despite the terrible rain.

Sounds silly but as the girlfriend was out, I decided to put the PlayStation on, as I knew playing this would take my mind off it, and it worked. I think keeping busy is the key for me. Was it the same for you during the half term? Im sure the kids kept you busy.

You make a good point about wanting to almost impress people and beat the system. People would ask me if I had a good weekend betting and had any good wins, and I would always say yes and lie, when in reality I may have won, but then wasted it all again. I couldn't bare to think what people would say if I told them the truth. I did tell one of my friends that I had given up because I didn't have any luck. That's the closest I have got. My girlfriend knows that I liked a bet and I don't think she liked the amount I was betting, but she knows I have stopped now. Again though she never knew how much it took over me.

I really don't have too many fond memories from the last year or so when it comes to betting. It's the bad ones that are getting me through it. When I have the urges it's like I forget the bad memories but I'm not really drawing on good ones if that makes sense.

85 days is really good work AP. Ever closer to 100. Thanks for stopping and commenting. Means a lot mate.

RA

Hi RA - did my back in playing football with kids. Felt like I was a teenager again and has cost a few quid at chiropractor to get better. Daft of me, but nothing like as daft as gambling so I've forgiven myself!!

Day 92, urges not been around for a while and I can feel that I've got a different perspective on gambling again. It's not the "cheeky" bet, the rebel doing their thing that I probably pretended, it's being taken for an ar#ehole by an industry that targets people like me.

So how is the abstinence going RA - my work place has fantasy football and sweepstakes left right and centre so must be a bit tough. On the plus side, get through this and you're serious about recovery and the world is your oyster!

Diversions do work and you sound in control, which is great. You might promise yourself something for getting through the tournament without betting - I think getting to like yourself again is a big part of keeping off the gambling.

I feel like a proper adult again - not lying, choosing to do the grown up thing of keeping money in my pocket not the bookies so that I can plan my life. Best I've felt in years in fact - even allowing for the wretched back!!

Hope you're well mate and still on the wagon.

Hey AP! Sorry to hear about your back! You didn't attempt an audacious overhead kick or diving header did you??? Hahaha.

Glad glad to hear your still GF, and ignoring the urges. Do you ever see a time when you will never think about it or be tempted? I'm not sure how that works with gamblers. Maybe it will always be built into a part of our brain.

Feeling better about yourself is a massive thing as well isn't it. I have been feeling a lot better about it this time around, and like we both have said previously, the slip up last time has helped me realise where I would be if I gave in again, and I can't do that.

My work is the same AP, fantasy football leagues and the sweepstakes. I join in with the stuff that's just for fun as I like the competitive aspect, but I have left it at that.

I've still been having the odd thought about depositing. It will only be a brief one, when I think about putting a bet on the euro winner or something and leaving it at that. The joy I would get from any winnings would be outweighed by the guilt I would have from having to reset my day count on here.

My personal finances have improved in the 40 odd days too, and I have a holiday and stag weekend coming up in the next few months, and I actually have money available for it, which I would never have done 3 months ago. If any of my mates suggested going to the football or a night out or something I would always make an excuse as I couldn't afford it, but that's slowly changing, and that's such a big change for me.

One more week for the big 100 mate! I'll be counting it down for you! All the best and have a good weekend.

RA

A hundred days - hurray! Feels a bit weird, 100 days since I last hit the terrifying lows of being a slave to the FOBTs and life is much, much better, I feel more confident, I certainly have more money in my pocket.

I've still been tempted to go back though and that is depressing. I would have relapsed I think except that I hated the idea of explaining myself on here. I guess that gambling bug is weaker if explaining myself to people I've never met is a deterrent - I used to threaten my entire life, kids, wife, everything so perhaps my life is resisting the low level urges forever. I gave up smoking so I know how to avoid the "it's just one" or "only socially" self delusion!!

How are you RA - stayed off the sports bets? Some pretty unpredictable results in football so you must have saved a LOT if you have managed to keep off it.

Onwards and upwards, AP.

Massive congrats on the 100 days. That's a brilliant achievement and you must feel like you have come so far in that 100 days. It's good to hear that so many positive things have changed for the better too. I did actually set a reminder on my phone to wish you a congrats on here on your 100 days, so once again well done mate.

I'm gutted to say that I have had to reset my day count. Someone at work told me about a new signup offer for a bookie for a very good price on an opening game. I thought about it for a while and that CG part of my brain just made up my mind for me and I opened a new account, deposited £10 and went from there. First thing I thought about once I had done it was how annoyed I was that I would have to come on here and admit defeat again, especially after all the BS I spouted about how well it was going, and the 45 odd days had been going well, I generally didn't give it a thought.

I then went through the mindset of 'well I've had a bet now, so might as well carry on' and I've wasted about £60 since last week. I didnt even really enjoy it, I just did it for the sake of it. Anyway I stopped feeling sorry for myself and I've close and blocked the random account I created (I had never even heard of the bookmaker in my life!). Time to start again.

It's funny to think had someone at work not mentioned a sign up offer in a passing comment I'm sure I wouldn't have even gone on that binge. Just shows me that I'm never safe.

RA

Disappointed for you RA but it's bloody difficult to quit. When I was on day 7 I had a few beers, the urge got me on way to train and I walked in to an old haunt. Change out of pocket, suddenly dieing for a wee, they had no toilet and the nearest convenience took me away from the shop and towards the station. That was 93 days ago and I've not been in one since - as you say, stupid things can help or hinder when you have our condition!

Of course they come up with tempters to look good because they're knackered if they let you get on with your life. They won this bout but you're back on your feet and I wish you well mate with this. It's certainly easier when you've got the habit of not doing it.

Take care, AP

Appreciate the continued support mate. I'm Just going to give it another shot, and get on with it.

I think I may take a few weeks away from posting on here. I don't want people to think "here we go again" or "yea yea we have heard this before"

RA