Fresh start..again

day 52...all going well. Having the blocks in place is such a relief...I dont even think about gambling. I hope this can continue.

65 DAYS...all going well. Had a split moment today where my mind turned to the slots...thankfully that thought only lasted a mere moment.. Will treat myself when I hit 90!

Hi valdab
Your story sounds very similar to mine...glad you are gf would like to know any real tips you have for keeping strong and keeping the urges away. Had a really c**P day the other day and enough is enough so here is to my 2nd gf day and hoping I can reach 65 days! Keep it up

Hi newbeginnings...well I wish I had the answers. I was doing really well and not long after I reached day 65 I took a major blip....a major online slot and roulette frenzy. My only saving grace is that I did not actually lose any more money. I won a huge jackpot on the slots not long after logging in to a new site but of course instead of withdrawing it I spent the last 2 days in a gambling frenzy frittering the entire lot away.And now here I am again...starting day 0. My downfall was removing netnanny from my phone. I really didnt want to...but it was causing major issues with my phone...crashing and hanging and I could not connect to any wi-fi...I lived with this hassle for about a month and then I got so sick of my phone issues that I contacted the admin to get it removed from my phone. Im here again...feeling very low after my downfall...but am trying to be more upbeat in the fact that I did not lose any of my own money (only the money I won...and then proceeded to blow the lot as all compulsive gamblers do). I dont know what to say except the low feelings exist regardless of not actually losing my money so it just shows you that its not just about the money. Ashamed and embarrassed to be back to day one. But I guess each time there are lessons to be learned and its how I move forward is whats important. Of course I keep thinking of what I could have done with that money I won and subsequently lost. But no point on dwelling on that aspect as I have lost so much over the years that the amount is insignificant in comparison. Cannot believe how low I feel, like I said, even though I didnt lose any more money since I had my last blowout in April. Dont know what to say...I feel like Ive let myself down...and all of you down too. Very very disappointed in myself.Please forgive me. Today is day 0 again.

Thanks bluescreen....you are absoutley right, it is the emotional damage that I have done. Am thankful that it was not financial also but that was just pure luck that I didnt end up in a financial hole again this time..I have an appointment made with an addiciton councellor for the coming week. I have gamban on my pc and its great. I am going to change my phone to one that is compatible with gamban too...its the only way. Thanks for your encouragement and non judgemental reply. Day 1...here we go.

Hi Valdab
I feel you and no need to apologise I got to over 40 days gf and for no reason decided to register on a new site and spent so much! I was feeling so much more positive with things so have no idea why I threw it away...like you say lessons learnt. I joined Gamstop which self excludes you from online casinos but seems this one isn't registered with them 🙁 out of interest is gamban good, is it expensive? Is it Google pixel compatible? I really want to stop and thought was on the way forward. Stay strong. nb

valdab wrote:

40 days today...just reading back through my diary and it feels so strange reading it. Its like another person. The past month has flown by and I cannot beleive how differently I feel today compared to the crumbling mess I was only a short month ago. I keep reading on here but havent been posting so much lately. Hope everyones journey to recovery is going ok.

Hi friend! Yes it is a stupid but all consuming addiction. I think how much money I would have to spend on other things rather than throwing it away on slots. The worst thing for me has been the deceit; lying and hiding the scale of my gambling has been soul destroying, on top of money lost. I signed up with gamstop and it has been amazing! Unfortunately my lust has meant I have searched for sites without gamstop and at last I found one and wish I hadn't. However, I did stop with a gain and realised I hadn't really enjoyed the session so I am hoping this will help me to continue to fight against the compulsion. Well done on your success and look forward, not backwards. x

Hi
Yes I felt the same actually didn't enjoy it as I used to but kept still trying to chase the big win even when I was up. I'm hoping Gamstop will be across more and more and I continue gf as I was starting to feel a way forward