Partially copied from my intro thread from last month.
I'm 25 and have a problem with gambling, particularly online sports betting.
I first started gambling 1.5 years ago. The first couple bets I ever placed being £100-£200 singles on the football. That really should have been an indicator that this wasn't normal.
Anyway, initially scaring myself with the sums I was willing to place, I stopped for a few months. Then started again, at smaller bet sizes, but putting on more of them instead. Just placing completely random unresearched bets, including on foreign matches at 3 am, not sleeping while waiting for the outcome, not bothering to watch the games but just staring at the betting page waiting for the match to be over. I thought to myself this was ridiculous. So I went and tried roulette instead, and lost £100 in 5 minutes. Not touched any casino games since, I am very glad that this bet lost. I really dread to think what would have happened if I won.
Currently my main weakness is betting on the football transfer market. Because I have won good sums on it, I tell myself that I have the 'judgement' to beat the bookies. But it's become really clear to me that I cannot gamble on it in a controlled manner. I start with £20-50 pound bets, which within days turn into £200 bets, eventually leading to putting £5k on a single bet last summer, on a heavy favourite. Risking almost 3 months' wages, for a relatively small return.
I installed a blocker (K9) afterwards, although I did temporarily unblock it a few times, I found the popup enough for me to buy me valuable thinking time and close the browser window. Then I got a new computer and didn't bother reinstalling it - a problem once the football transfer window reopened in Jan. Once again, bet sizes increased from £50 to £500 rapidly within 1-2 weeks. It's become a habit to just hit the 'max stake' button as I feel I don't want to leave any 'potential winnings' behind should the bet come in, which is stupid.
A couple days ago I woke up, not having slept very well thinking about bets to put on. Still groggy, I went to put on a £300 bet at evens which I felt had value. Deposited the money, went to place the bet only to find the market had been suspended seconds before. This made me furious in a way I hadn't been before. At the same time I saw another tip for a 'banker' to happen at 1/3, and had a massive urge to put £1.5k (max stake) on to chase the potential £300 winnings plus get some extra. Made me feel a bit sick. I wasn't chasing a loss, but worse, I was chasing 'lost' potential winnings from a bet I had not even placed. I managed to stop myself, but I realise this is escalating and getting out of control.
All the bets have now settled and I have withdrawn everything out of all my accounts. A couple of near misses. It scares me to think I was so sure of a certain outcome I told myself I would be willing to put in up to 2k more than what I had available to bet at the time. Thankfully I delayed the decision for a few days and they stopped offering the market in that time. It won, but just barely, it could have gone either way and was nowhere near the banker I thought it was. I could have lost everything and started chasing.
Initially I gambled for the excitement, then for the greed, now I am completely numb to gambling and I don't feel anything, win or lose. Not just that, the amount of time I spend thinking about bets when at work, at home, or even when people are talking to me is ridiculous. Thankfully I am not in debt and nowhere near hitting rock bottom, but I have read many stories on forums over the past few months, and the similarities are astounding.
Not had a 'proper' bet since around 20th Jan. Did however end up using a 20 pound free bet, none of the markets seemed appealing so after 30 mins of agonising I put it on something random. Did not enjoy the process of having to pick something. It lost anyway.
K9 is back on. Had 4 sessions of counselling since. Been useful to sort through some longstanding issues I had, however the counsellor is not trained in addictions and is useless when it comes to gambling saying "it's not a problem if you don't lose" which is wildly off the mark. It's the winning that properly messes with my head. I am overall up, and that figure is taunting me constantly, daily, wanting me to 'reinvest' it all. I have now transferred most of it to savings to try to lessen that constant obsessive nagging feeling. Although there's a voice that says I now have x proportion of savings that I'm allowed to put back into the gambling fund if I see good value..
Without reading about the football to distract myself, I have instead ended up spending all my time reading gamcare posts to an excessive, almost compulsive level at the expense of adequate sleep. About 300 pages worth of posts read over the past few weeks, spending about 14 hours/day reading gamcare on the weekends. That can't be healthy either! Stopped today though as I literally ran out of posts after going back to 2008 or so..
A few things I have noticed in common among the thousands of posts I've read. A vast majority of CGs initially get hooked after a 'big win'. And it's a lot harder to stop if the last bet was a win. That last win is still nagging at me after a month. I still haven't had a bet, but the real test will come in May to August time when the darned transfer market opens again. I have a decent enough salary, I don't need the extra money, why am I risking my mental health and potentially losing everything down the line, for a number that just sits in a separate bank account doing nothing because I'm too cheap to spend any of it (apart from on more gambling)?
I have to walk away, because I won't stop otherwise, because no win is big enough. In my last session I was actually hoping to lose or have my accounts gubbed just so I could stop thinking about it every bloody hour of the day.
"Been useful to sort through some longstanding issues I had, however the counsellor is not trained in addictions and is useless when it comes to gambling saying "it's not a problem if you don't lose" which is wildly off the mark."
Wow. Even without being an expert on addiction a counsellor of all people should really be able to reaise that what defines a problem is not whether or not you gain or lose financially from something.
I have to walk away, because I won't stop otherwise, because no win is big enough.
Exactly. And you obviously aren´t able to gamble without it taking over your life. And if you want to make financial gains from gambling, you need a proper bankroll and bet only a fraction of it each bet, so if you start with 1000 your betting unit should be like 10 per bet. Which you of course won´t do since that would be boring, right? Or you might do it, until you get that "feeling" and bet 100 instead. And then 200. And so on.
Fact is that the few professional sportsbettors that actually make a nice living all have it as a more-than-fulltime-work and have very good financial discipline, which is very far removed from the gambling mentality that you (and I) have.
For someone with a gambling mentality I think it is impossible to be a winner long-term in any ventures that are gambling-related, since sooner or later the meltdown will come. It doesn´t really matter in which field you are in - if you are a gambler, sooner or later your disciplined approach to trading on the financial markets (sports, horses, poker, whatever) will give way to a "feeling" that makes you risk a way larger amount than usually. And once you have crossed that boundary it is only a matter of time before it happens again. And without a proper bankroll you are bound to go broke sooner or later.
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